Failure to Launch, Systemic Irony,  Path Experiences & Amusements  

I will leave it to the reader to sort each story into the proper category as mentioned above. 
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 07/01/09 - 6/30/10 Stories 
To See Items in this category before July 2009, please see 
the regular news archives for previous months, listed under 'ODD'

Neuroscientist Discovers He's a 'Born Killer' [06/30/10] "A neuroscientist who spent the last 20 years studying the brains of killers was more than a little surprised to discover that he had one. Jim Fallon—after learning that his father's side of the family tree was full of alleged killers, including Lizzie Borden—analyzed family brain scans and discovered that out of living family members, he alone has the brain patterns that mark a psychopath.  Fallon's scan revealed a lack of activity in the orbital cortex, which is involved with decision-making and controlling aggression. "I'm 100%. I have the pattern, the risky pattern," Fallon told NPR. "In a sense, I'm a born killer." Fallon says that—unlike the criminals whose brains he's looked at—he had a very happy childhood free from violence and abuse, which he believes explains why he hasn't turned out to be a killer. The study of his own brain, he says, has caused him to rethink his ideas on nature versus nurture. [...]"   "We'll never know, but the way these patterns are looking in general population, had I been abused, we might not be sitting here today" - University of California neuroscientist Jim Fallon

Man shows his "grape nuts" to mom and daughter in cereal aisle [06/30/10] "And we're not talking about the breakfast variety here. The flasher's previous trouble with the law involved him honking his horn at 2 a.m. outside the home of someone who didn't tip him for delivering pizza. (Delaware Online) [...]"    

Machete-wielding man, 81, chases guy around taco stand [06/30/10] "Manuel Meza accused the owner of the taco stand of stealing a drill, which he denied doing. Meza left but came back with a machete and threatened the owner with it. "He ended up chasing him around the taco stand several times," says a cop. (Statesman Journal) [...]"  

Cops seek woman who robbed shoe store while wearing cat mask [06/30/10] "She got her paws on $86 in cash and scampered off. (New York Post) [...]"   

Man concocts robbery story after blowing half his paycheck at strip club [06/29/10] "He told cops that he couldn't admit to his wife that he spent $300 on beer and strippers, and was adamant on getting a robbery report to show her he was robbed of the money. (Sarasota Herald Tribune) [...]"  

Toilet lid used as a weapon during domestic disturbance [06/29/10] "Angelic Innamorato, 28, allegedly took a ceramic toilet lid and swung it at her cousin's head. After she missed, pointed a black revolver at her cousin, said she was going to kill him and stole his wallet, say police. (TampaBay.com [...]"  Note: More people raised by wolves. 

Mexican singer El Shaka killed hours after denying his murder [06/28/10] "Mexican singer Sergio Vega, 40, has been shot dead only hours after he had denied reports he had been murdered.  [...]"   

Massachusetts Lawmaker Found Floating In Backyard Pool [06/28/10] "Officials say Massachusetts state Rep. Robert Nyman has died after being found unresponsive in the swimming pool at his Hanover home.  Plymouth County District Attorney Timothy Cruz and police say neighbors pulled the 49-year-old lawmaker out of the pool Friday night as his family called 911. He was pronounced dead at South Shore Hospital. Officials say foul play is not suspected. An autopsy will be conducted to determine the cause of Nyman's death. [...]"    

Make me an egg, robber tells Evansville victim [06/26/10] "A man who allegedly entered a woman’s apartment on Thistle Drive Thursday night pushed the woman around, grabbed $38 out of her purse and demanded she “make him an egg,” according to the Evansville Police Department. Daniel Santos-Barros, 28, was arrested and is in the Vanderburgh County Jail without bond pending a court hearing on preliminary charges of burglary, strong-armed robbery, theft and assault. According to a probable cause affidavit, the woman told police when she opened her door around 9:30 p.m. to get her mail the man was standing outside with a beer in his hand. She said he entered her apartment, shoved her, took the money, pushed her around again and demanded the egg. The woman said after she refused, he went into a bedroom and laid down, then got up and went into the kitchen where he began drinking his beer. The report doesn’t mention at what point the woman called police, but it says when they arrived the woman pointed to the man who was still standing in her kitchen. Police said he had a strong odor of alcohol when they placed him in handcuffs. [...]"   

UK:  "Seeing the world through each other's eyes: The amazing twins who share a brain" [06/26/10] "Tatiana and Krista Hogan are unique - the only conjoined twins in the world who share a brain.  They are so intricately entwined they cannot be separated. Their family say they have special abilities thanks to the neural connections between them and they may even be able to see through each other's eyes. Despite their unusual predicament, the three-year-old girls' happiness is evident to all around them. These twins, I think to our current knowledge, are the only ones that do have a common neurological connection,' said Dr Doug Cochrane, the twins' paediatric neurologist "They have this connection between their, what's called the thalamus, between the thalami, one in each to the other. 'So there's actually a bridge of neural tissues in these twins, which makes them quite unique.' It also makes them impossible to separate. Their mother, Felicia, and others believe the connection has given the twins unique powers. 'They share a lot of things normal conjoined twins don't,' she said. 'They have special abilities to see each other, see what each other's seeing through each other's eyes.' [...]"   

Cops nab flasher after watching live video stream of hanky-panky [06/26/10] ""We just set up the [video] equipment that day, and just by chance he happened to be out there," says a lieutenant. Detectives checked their live feed and saw the guy walk out of his apartment, sit on the front steps, and masturbate as vehicles passed. (EagleTribune.com) [...]"  Note: Raised by wolves. 

Sequentials At Large: $196,000 pedestrian crossing unusable [06/26/10] "Officials in British town spent $196,000 on a pedestrian crossing that can't be used because of a couple's driveway. [...]"  

Siblings fight over whether to use butter or margarine in casserole [06/26/10] "The sister was making mac-and-cheese when her brother asked if she was using butter. "They began to argue over the difference of real butter to margarine," says a report. She tried to cut her brother in the neck with a spatula. (Wenatchee World) [...]"  Note: One has to pick ones battles in life ... some people are raised by wolves.  

St. Louis priest caught in sex sting gets 6+ years in prison [06/26/10] "A St. Louis priest caught in an online sex sting last summer was sentenced Thursday to 80 months in federal prison. The Rev. James P. Grady, 59, was the pastor of St. Raphael the Archangel Church in south St. Louis at the time. He was arrested July 29 at a St. Louis County home being used by undercover police and FBI agents after responding to an online ad. [...]"   

Teen explains why she stole 44 pairs of underwear from store [06/26/10] "Do you expect me to wear dirty underwear?" she reportedly asked the arresting officer. (St. Paul Pioneer Press) [...]"  Note:  Someone with a curious set of social expectations ... 

Parent brawl breaks out at kindergarten graduation [06/26/10] "The school was put on lockdown after a few parents went over to a field away from the actual ceremony to discuss something when the fight broke out. It wasn't reported what sparked the dispute. (Victorville Daily Press) [...]"  

Drunk man on raft drifts a mile out into the Gulf while unconscious [06/26/10] "After coming to, he had no idea where he was, didn't know what time of day it was, how long he was out for, or even how far of shore he was, says a rescuer. (WTSP.com) [...]"   

Man in dirty pajamas arrested for having sex with horses [06/26/10] "Neighbors witnessed Byron Christopher Jordan allegedly having sex with one horse, then going to a second horse -- and then a third. Onlookers notified the owner, who had to physically pull Jordan off the third animal. "Witnesses said they figured if they called 911, dispatch operators would just think it was a prank," says a cop spokesman. (Covington News) [...]"  

Man doesn't get reward because he called 911 before Crimeline [06/25/10] "The man who caught a bomb hoax suspect and was denied a $5,000 reward sounds very bitter: "Pretty much the next time if I find a wanted fugitive, I'm going to let them go. There's really no reason to help out." (Florida Today) [...]"  

MSM: Christopher Coke Brought to U.S. Soil [06/25/10] "Christopher Coke, the accused drug lord captured by Jamaican police Tuesday, has been turned over to U.S. authorities for extradition. Coke, also known as Dudus, is expected to arrive in New York early this evening, barring weather delays. [...]"  Note:  A drug dealer named Coke with an alias that sounds like 'Dude-Ass" ... isn't it bizarre how reality unfolds, sometimes?  Go figure.

Couple tries to sell baby at Wal-Mart for "every day low price" [06/25/10] "Two women who were approached about buying the 6-month-old baby for just $25 thought the father was joking, says a cop spokesman. "They laughed, but he was very persistent. That's when they knew this guy was serious." (Salinas Californian) [...]"   

Swiss graffiti man faces caning [06/25/10] "A Swiss man is sentenced to three strokes of a cane and five months in jail for spray-painting graffiti on a train in Singapore. [...]"  Note:  lends a whole new appreciation for "Got wood?"

Nude woman tazed after stealing cars, leading cops on foot chase [06/24/10] "A 31-year-old woman who police say stole two cars and led them on a chase all while she was naked is now in jail after being stopped with a Taser. She was booked Tuesday evening after getting a mental evaluation. (Salt Lake Tribune | KSL.com) [...]"     

Woman sets fire to office filing cabinet to get off work early [06/23/10] "Couldn't she have just said she wasn't feeling well? She also tripped the main breaker for the office building so it would lose power and adjusted the phones so no calls could come in. TampaBay.com) [...]"   

Couple Claims State Farm Won't Pay Fire Claim Because of 'Plantation Mentality' [06/22/10] "State Farm Fire and Casualty refused to pay a black couple's claim because of their race, the husband and wife claim in Madison County Court. State Farm agent Lisa Darr said that Kenneth and Bea Stanley "could not have owned the amount of property they claimed to have lost due to their race," the complaint states. [...]"  

Man dies on plane ride intended as a birthday gift [06/22/10] "The "gift" was from the pilot. The victim would have turned 31 this week. (Minneapolis Star Tribune) [...]"  Note: Perhaps the pilot decided to 'show off', and the man died of a heart attack .... with 'friends' like that, one doesn't need enemies. It's a 'different' kind of 'mile-high' club that has no 'active' membership ...

French prisoner didn't know anatomy: ‘fried cellmate’s lungs’ [06/22/10] "A prisoner who killed his cellmate and devoured his lung with fried onions put France's troubled prison system under critical new scrutiny Tuesday.  Thirty-nine-year-old Nicolas Cocaign is on trial for the murder of Thierry Baudry, whom he punched, stabbed with a pair of scissors and suffocated with a rubbish bag before cutting him open with a razor blade. After removing a rib, Cocaign pulled out a lung, which he mistook for his victim's heart, ate part of it raw and then fried the rest of it with onions on a makeshift stove in his cell, prosecutors say. The court will hear findings from a report however into a string of "failures" at the jail in the northwestern city of Rouen where Cocaign was at the time of the cannibal killing in January 2007. On the first day of the trial, Cocaign testified that authorities ignored his appeals for psychological help even though he had a long history of mental illness. [...]The "cannibal" trial opened a week after a separate tribunal ruled in favour of 38 inmates and former inmates who complained of degrading conditions at the Rouen jail, which opened in 1864."   

Senior Russian nuclear expert found dead in Malta [06/22/10] "Authorities in Malta have reported the death of a senior Russian expert on nuclear disarmament, whose body was discovered in his holiday apartment. Dr. Pikayev’s body was discovered lying on the floor of an apartment he owned in Bugibba, Malta, where he had been holidaying since earlier this month. The German Press Agency reports that the Russian scientist appeared to have “accidentally slipped” and hit his head on a door. It also reports that this hypothesis appears to be corroborated by “dent on a door” next to the body, as well as by the result of an initial autopsy, which concluded that Dr. Pikayev died of intracranial hemorrhage after fracturing his skull. [...]"   

Man stabs roommate over loud sex with homeless woman [06/22/10] "Russell Willis Shepherd Jr., 40, was charged after allegedly stabbing his 58-year-old roommate for having an over-the-top (volume-wise) sexcapade. (Charlotte Observer) [...]"  Note:  More people raised by wolves.

Man arrested after burying younger brother in yard [06/22/10] "he mother asked her son why he was digging a hole in the side yard of their home. Stanley Eckard, 21, claimed he was burying his ex-girlfriend's clothes because he was tired of seeing them. But the father "uncovered the arms and legs of his son and then collapsed," says the sheriff. (TampaBay.com) [...]"   

UK: Schoolboys throw acid in stranger's face after he refuses to give them cigarette [06/22/10] "Three schoolboys were being hunted by police today after acid was hurled into a man's face when he refused to give them a cigarette. The victim suffered burns in the 'horrific random attack' which took place at around 3.30pm yesterday in Plymouth. He told police he had seen three young men wearing school uniform walk past him before they threw the substance at his face. [...]"   

News Suits Use Privacy Law to Chill Writers [06/21/10] "The case of a woman who claims she is the 'real-life model' for the 'character of a prostitute' in a movie is one of three lawsuits filed last month which would punish writers for making creative use of their experiences. Note: Ha! That's insane. "Why, just last week, I .... and I had no idea what it was ... I've never seen anything like it ... it was a little strange ... well, three arms and five legs ... I just can't imagine ... I think it died pretty quickly after it sprouted wings ..."

UK MP Throws Himself In Path Of Train [06/21/10] "[...] In his suspected suicide attempt, Mr Ruffley jumped in front of a Gatwick Express. After the train passed over him, he was pulled back on to the platform by emergency workers after the train backed up.  Incredibly, Mr Ruffley suffered just cuts and bruises. He was taken to St Thomas’ Hospital for checks. British Transport Police said the incident was ‘non-suspicious’ and ruled out the possibility of an accidental fall. An eyewitness is reported to have said: ‘One minute he was standing on the platform and then jumped in front of a train as it was pulling in to the station. He missed death by a few inches and landed just away from the live rail. ‘It was not believed to be an accident. Witnesses said he deliberately tried to jump in front of the train. At this stage it appears to have been a half-hearted attempt to kill himself.’"   

Explosion at California water fuel research company kills inventor [06/20/10] "On Thursday afternoon, 28-year-old inventor, Tyson Larson was killed in an explosion that ripped a hole in the roof and blew out the back doors to a Simi Valley building of the family member's company, Realm Industries, which was seeking to develop his water fuel technology. [...]"   

Woman Dug Up, Lived With Remains of Husband, Twin [06/19/10] "A bizarre and sad case from Pennsylvania: Police say a 91-year-old woman retrieved the bodies of her late husband and twin sister after their burials and lived with their mummified remains. The body of Jean Stevens' husband, who died in 1999, was found in a rug in the garage, and the sister, who died last year, was in a spare bedroom, reports the Elmira Star-Gazette.  No criminal charges have been filed, against either the woman or the as-yet unidentified people who helped her dig up the bodies from their graves. The woman, who police say is "in control of her mental facilities," apparently showed the bodies to two social workers who visited, and they informed authorities.  [...]"  

Japan: 'Green' city bans growing of beards [06/18/10] "A Japanese city is criticised after forbidding its employees to grow beards has defended its ban, saying it fits in with an environmental campaign."  Note:  I can't imagine how it could fit in with an environmental campaign ...  

Texas judge accused of using money collected from traffic fines to pay his credit card bills [06/18/10] "A south Texas municipal judge was arrested Thursday and accused of using traffic fines paid by those who appeared before him to pay his personal credit card. [...]"  Note: In my experience and observations, Texas is a really warped place. 

Southwest Finds Shipment of Heads on a Plane [06/17/10] "A Southwest Airlines employee called police after finding human heads in a package set to be transported to a Fort Worth medical research company, the airline said.  "It wasn't labeled or packaged properly," said Ashley Rogers, a Southwest spokeswoman. "They called the local authorities." The incident happened in Little Rock, Ark., last Wednesday, she said. Little Rock police turned the package over to the county coroner, who questions where they came from and if they were properly obtained. [...] "It is a lucrative business. There is money to be made [...] "  Video clip included.

 Bizarre getaway as student hurls puppy at German biker gang [06/16/10] "A German student "mooned" a group of Hell's Angels and hurled a puppy at them before escaping on a stolen bulldozer, police have said. [...]"  Note: More people raised by wolves. 

Cops find two super-drunk men covered in mud in the woods [06/16/10] "They had gone to the St. John de LaSalle Carnival in Niagara Falls and afterwards decided to dance naked in the woods. "They took the St. John's Fest and made it a Woodstock event," says a cop. (Buffalo News) [...]"  

Lawyer Disbarred for Lying to Visit Inmate [06/16/10] "The West Virginia Supreme Court disbarred attorney G. Patrick Stanton Jr. for falsely claiming to represent a woman in order to visit her in jail. A guard walked in on Stanton receiving oral sex from her in the visitation area, the ruling states. [...]"  Note: See article for the blow-by-blow details. 

Man goes bonkers when he can't get lemonade at Burger King [06/16/10] "Pedro Vargas, 36, is accused of attacking a Burger King manager after being told the fast-food restaurant had run out of lemonade. (Naples Daily News) [...]"  Note: As one goes through life, usually, expectations that it's a 'Truman Show' rapidly diminish. In this case, not so much.

Statue burned to the ground after being hit by lightning  [06/16/10] [2:33]   Related: Giant "jesus" statue iconic to I-75 destroyed by lightning strike  "The statue was one of the best-known landmarks in southwestern Ohio. According to an Associated Press report, however, the six-storey statue near Cincinnati was hit by lightning at about 11:15 p.m. Monday, destroying the landmark.  The statue stood at 62 feet tall and 40 feet wide. According to the report, its location - along Interstate 75 - often startled motorists driving on the freeway. The landmark has been nicknamed "Touchdown Jesus" due to the statue's outstretched arms, similar to the symbol signaling a 'touchdown'. Cassie Browning, 27, was driving north on I-75 on her way back from Tennessee when she and her family saw smoke and noticed the statue missing. "It meant so much to so many people," she says.  [...]"  Note: Those who combine belief systems with 'omens' are having a hard time out there.

Cops arrest woman, 74, suspected in 10 condiment-related crimes [06/16/10] "Joy Cassidy (left) is accused of causing thousands of dollars in damage to library books and other items by pouring corn syrup, mayonnaise, ketchup and other items into a library drop box on more than 10 occasions. She had a loaded handgun in her car when police caught her. (Idaho Statesman) [...]"  

Uninsured Woman Shoots Herself In Shoulder To Get ER Treatment [06/15/10] "An unemployed Michigan woman who was unable to afford medical treatment for a searing pain in her shoulder took matters into her own hands last week, shooting herself in the shoulder in a last-ditch effort to get into the ER.  Kathy Myers, 41, said she was pushed to the brink of desperation Thursday night because she was "crazy in pain," and the local hospital emergency room would give her no more than a handful of anti-inflammatory pills. "Pain will make you do silly, crazy things," the 41-year-old Niles, Mich., woman said in a YouTube.com interview with News 8 in Grand Rapids, Michigan. "I knew they wasn't going to do anything, again. They said if it wasn't life-threatening, no health insurance, you can't get no help." In the video, she reenacts how she covered her right shoulder and head with two pillows before pointing her .25-caliber handgun at her own body. "I took the gun and went 'Boom!'" she said. Myers was treated for the gunshot wound at Lakeland Community Hospital and released a few hours later, reports ABCNews.com. She said the self-inflicted wound did not help her achieve her goal. "It didn't take the pain away," she told News 8. [...]"    

Fake priest blesses police arresting him [06/15/10] "A Venezuelan thief disguised as a priest, allegedly to rob a Catholic college, blessed Rome police who ruined his chance to steal antique books, officials say. [...]"  

Marines Arrested, Accused Of Beating Gay Man Over Alleged Wink [06/15/10] "Two Marines have been arrested for allegedly beating a gay man in Savannah, Georgia. Keil Cronauer and Christopher Stanzel are accused of attacking Kieran Daly so badly that he suffered bruises on his brain, reports the Savannah Morning News. In addition to the bruises, Daly suffered two seizures immediately after the attack. His friends performed CPR. Daly said one of the men told him he demanded respect because he served in Iraq. And at least one hurled slurs at him as he tried to walk away.  "That's the last thing I remember is walking away," Daly said. [...]"  Note:  One can calculate that most who return from Iraq are deeply scarred psychologically.

WV: Veterinarian isn't quite sure what to make of kitten with two faces [06/14/10] ""It's hard to know if it's just two faces or if it's a conjoined twin," says Dr. Erica Drake. The kitten's two mouths act independently of one another and she believes each mouth has a separate esophagus leading to one stomach. (Charleston Gazette) [...]"  Note:  Awww ...let's call it 'meow-meow', the two-faced terror of the hills ...  

Wendy's customers arrested after screwed-up order sparks brawl [06/14/10] "Beverages, hamburgers and fries were all hurled through the drive-up window and the food struck an employee inside. The employee allegedly then threw food items back out at the vehicle, striking it with carbonated soda, ketchup and fries. (Kalamazoo Gazette) [...]"  Note:  Some people are just raised by wolves.

Travel-planner booked cruises, then burglarized clients' homes [06/14/10] "The woman -- working with her hubby -- is accused burglarizing the homes of 20 South Florida Royal Caribbean customers while they were away on cruises. She allegedly accessed passengers' personal information and told her husband when they would be away. (South Florida Sun-Sentinel) [...]"   

Man allegedly on drugs mistakes home for Bed & Breakfast [06/14/10] "After staying in the bedroom, he left his credit card on the stairs for payment. (Hartford Courant) [...]"   

Japan Bribed Small Nations with Cash, Prostitutes to Gain Support for Whaling [06/14/10] "investigation has exposed Japan for bribing small nations with cash and prostitutes to gain their support for the mass slaughter of whales. The undercover investigation found officials from six countries were willing to consider selling their votes on the International Whaling Commission (IWC).  [...]"   

Satire: "Netanyahu's psychiatrist commits suicide" [06/11/10] "Moshe Yatom, a prominent Israeli psychiatrist who successfully cured the most extreme forms of mental illness throughout a distinguished career, was found dead at his home in Tel Aviv yesterday from an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound. A suicide note at his side explained that Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, who has been his patient for the last nine years, had “sucked the life right out of me.” “I can’t take it anymore,” wrote Yatom. “Robbery is redemption, apartheid is freedom, peace activists are terrorists, murder is self-defense, piracy is legality, Palestinians are Jordanians, annexation is liberation, there’s no end to his contradictions. Freud promised rationality would reign in the instinctual passions, but he never met Bibi Netanyahu. This guy would say Gandhi invented brass knuckes.”  [...]"   

Man strangled while showing pet snake to female friend [06/11/10] "The boa constrictor, estimated to be 9 feet long and weighing 25 pounds, wrapped around the 34-year-old man's neck and began strangling him. His roommate unsuccessfully tried to pry the snake loose. (Omaha.com) [...]"     Note: You get a knife and you kill the snake and cut it off ... but the stupid girl friend had no brains and no will ... well, it had to happen eventually. This is a once-in-a-lifetime event, in more ways than one. The title of this news item should have been" "Brainless fuck strangles showing pet snake to brainless fuck". Ahhh ... the lifetime plight of the underdogs ... it's in their charts!

Minnesota says "Ladies' Night" bar deals are illegal [06/11/10] "The state's human rights department says by having ladies' nights, five Twin Cities establishments denied men the right to "full and equal enjoyment" of their businesses. (Minnesota Star Tribune) [...]" Note: Well, 'full and equal enjoyment' does not equal reduced price or free drinks, otherwise the businesses would go out of business, so that legal argument seems weak. All they really have to do is have a 'Mens Night' and let life go on, but they're too stupid to see that.

Hotel housekeeper finds bag with $6,000 on nightstand, turns it in [06/11/10] "Finally, a feel-good story! "Jeanne has made all of us look good," said housekeeper Claudette Celestine. "It was a very good day for the Haitians that work here." (South Florida Sun-Sentinel) [...]"  Note: Lloyd Blankfein, and the other sequential losers of similar persuasion, should pay attention. 

African American Mississippi Man Starts Record Sixth Murder Trial [06/11/10] "An African American man, Curtis Flowers, made history this week when he became the first person in U.S. history to ever go on trial for murder six times for the same crime. Mr. Flowers has been in jail in Mississippi since 1996, accused of the murder of four people at a furniture store. Jury selection started this week in tiny Winona Mississippi, population 5,482. Mr. Flowers has been in jail since 1996 awaiting trial and was previously tried for these murders in 1997, 1999, 2004, 2007 and 2008. All either ended in hung juries or overturned convictions. The five previous trials have already cost the State of Mississippi over $300,000. [...]"  

Man stuck in furnace for days has arm amputated [06/11/10] "The man's surgeon calls the incident "an amazing story of survival." (Hartford Courant) [...]"  

Court Revives Claim of Woman Maced Over Music [06/11/10] "An Alabama police officer used excessive force when he shot a woman in the face with pepper spray for playing loud music in a Wal-Mart parking lot, the 11th Circuit ruled. [...]"     

Janitor Keeps Job Despite Girls' Disrobing Debacle [06/11/10] "A school janitor avoided losing his job for washing windows in a classroom where female students were changing clothes, thanks to a ruling by the New Jersey Supreme Court. [...]"   

Teen figured riding with an 85-year-old stranger would be safe, but... [06/10/10] "The old perv then put the moves on her. He later admitted touching her breast and told a detective, "Good God, I wish you could have seen her." (Fredericksburg.com) [...]"   

Man arrested after refusing to leave jail without his jail ID card [06/10/10] "He was told the identification card was jail property so he couldn't take it with him. Apparently he wanted to show it off to fellow gangbangers. (Chicago Sun-Times) [...]" 

Minnesotan charged with "terrorist" e-mail threat against Biden [06/10/10] "The 45-year-old man wrote to Joe Biden: "This is a terrorist threat! Take this seriously. I hate the way you people are spending money you don't have ... I'm assigning myself to be judge, jury and executioner. Since you folks have spent what you don't have, it's time to pay the ultimate price." (Minneapolis Star Tribune) [...]"  Note: This act lies somewhere along the spectrum also occupied by 'suicide by cop' ... another new low in 'dumb'. 

After leaving pot on stove, Jersey City man, 80, finds Secret Service waiting for him  [06/10/10] "The U.S. Secret Service and emergency responders including a mobile medical crisis truck converged on the home of an 80-year-old Jersey City man yesterday where unidentified chemicals and a letter to the President turned out to be harmless, officials said. At 1:52 p.m. firefighters responded to the building at Bergen Avenue and Forrest Street and found no one home in the apartment where a pot on the stove had boiled dry and cloth inside had ignited, Fire Director Armando Roman said. But what firefighters also found was 60 to 80 half-gallon containers of unknown substances and an envelope with President Obama’s name on it, triggering a massive response. A short time later the resident walked back from his trip to a store and found his home was the center of a large investigation. [...]"  

Man-hunting woman jailed for 3 days [06/10/10] "A 57 year old Ohio woman spent three days in jail for calling the police emergency line five times seeking a husband. [...]"  

Twin sisters charged after their gas-stove suicide attempt fails [06/09/10] "They wrote out their suicide notes, including cremation instructions, then turned on all the stovetop burners. They survived and now they've been charged with risking a catastrophe. (Philly.com) [...]"   

Nude man yelling that he's 'jesus' causes five-vehicle accident [06/08/10] "A naked man "yelling that he was Jesus" was the catalyst for a five-vehicle accident on I-95 Northbound near exit 16 early Saturday morning that injured three people, mangled a tandem tractor-trailer truck and slowed traffic to a crawl for nearly six hours, according to Darien Police Sgt. Jeremiah P. Marron Jr.  Marron said Darien Police responded to a call regarding a nude male causing a disturbance on I-95 north at exit 14. When police arrived, they saw the man hop into a silver car. With assistance from Norwalk and State Police, Darien officers were able to pull the car over near exit 16. [...]"   

Man who died in police custody tried mushrooms during "Alice" film [06/08/10] "Soon after taking the hallucinogenic drugs, the 24-year-old man became "weird and silent," then combative and destructive. He tore down curtains, pulled out bathroom drawers, took off his clothes, urinated on the floor, and scuffled with his brother and a neighbor. He eventually died in police custody. (Oregonian) [...]"  

Cop accused of shooting dead Iraq vet for ‘making advances’ on his companion [06/06/10] "A Baltimore man is dead after he “made advances” on a woman whose male companion, an off-duty police officer, responded by shooting the man six times, news reports say. According to a report from Baltimore police, the police officer may have fired 13 times at 32-year-old Tyrone Brown, a Marine and four-year veteran of the Iraq war, hitting Brown six times in the chest. The Baltimore Sun’s Crime Beat blog reports that Baltimore City Police Commissioner Frederick H. Bealefeld III has ordered senior commanders to oversee the investigation into the incident. [...]"   

Man gets probation for trying to steal dirty diapers from home [06/05/10] "The 20-year-old man (at left) was sentenced to 30 months of probation and ordered to undergo a psycho-sexual examination. He also has to serve 200 hours of community service. (Stevens Point Journal) [...]"  

Inventor sues after his product is turned into a sex toy for men [06/05/10] "His hemorrhoid massager was developed for medicinal purposes yet took off in sales as a sex toy. Cheaper rip-off versions followed, as always happens. (Houston Chronicle) [...]"   

Postal Worker Pleads Guilty To Cashing More Than $41,000 In Money Orders [06/05/10] "A United States Postal Service employee pleaded guilty Wednesday in federal court to stealing and cashing approximately 80 money orders totaling more than $41,000 for her personal use. Appearing in Minneapolis before a United States District Court, Linda Kay Johnson, 60, of Lewisville, pleaded guilty to one count of fraudulently issuing money orders. Johnson admitted issuing the money orders without reporting or paying for them and falsifying records in order to hide her theft while she worked as a postmaster relief in LaSalle and Hanska in 2008. During this time she was covering for the permanent postmaster, who wasn't present. Johnson faces a potential maximum penalty of five years in prison. Her sentence will be determined at a yet-to-be-scheduled future date. [...]"   

'I'm stuck on the hood of someone's car and I need a cop car' [06/05/10] "That's what a Waffle House employee told the dispatcher as he held on for life while dine-and-dashers drove their car as fast as 60 mph with the guy on the hood. (Daily News Journal) [...]"    

Woman pays cellular bill after SUV crashes into Verizon store [06/05/10] "The salesman was lucky to be able to take her money. "If I hadn’t jumped over the counter, I’d be dead," he says. "It was loud and moving fast. You can see the burns on the carpet." (Dayton Daily News) [...]"   

UK: Sausage baby death woman jailed [06/05/10] "A woman who fed a baby a piece of sausage, despite being told not to by the boy's mother, is jailed after he choked to death. [...]"  

Man caught orange-handed after home vandalized three times [06/05/10] "Why did the guy paint obscene words on the home? "I heard from my friend Vinny that those people are drug dealers and I want them out of the neighborhood." Actually, the homeowner is 60 and has no record. (TampaBay.com) [...]"   

Rome gets hotel made from rubbish [06/05/10] "A hotel made from rubbish opens its doors in Italy's capital, Rome, as part of a campaign to raise awareness of beach pollution. [...]"  Note: My mind wants to come up with something clever to say about this ... 

Mexican immigrant beaten to death by US Border Patrol [06/05/10] "Anastasio Hernández Rojas, a Mexican immigrant construction worker and father of five, died in a San Diego hospital Monday after a brutal beating and tasering by US Border Patrol agents at the San Ysidro crossing to Tijuana left him brain dead. [...]"   

Dad, sons jailed after discussion of religion, demons prompts brawl [06/04/10] "A sheriff's captain doesn't know what specific religious issue incited the fight, but that talk of demons apparently put the fight over the edge. (St. Louis Post-Dispatch) [...]"     

Humans Devolving To Apes - 'Testicle Slapping' [06/04/10] "Sack tapping is the latest dangerous craze to hit schools. The object of the game is to punch (or slap, flick or actually tap) a boy in the groin to see who can handle the most pain. It doesn't sound like there can be a clear winner here in this "game." And sadly, there isn't. [...]"  Note: Here's a Judge Judy episode dealing with this. Video  [8:09] Part 2 [5:08] A good link to plenty of other Judge Judy videos - entertaining.

Rosary Isn't Gang Attire, Family Insists [06/04/10] "A Schenectady public school suspended a boy from seventh grade for wearing a rosary, because the school considers beaded jewelry "gang-related," the boy's family claims in Federal Court. The boy wore the rosary in memory of his brother, who held it and prayed over it "as he lay dying in the intensive care unit in 2005." [...]"   

Prosthetic leg with Willie Nelson sticker washes ashore [06/04/10] "A cop says the fake leg has a distinctive coloration and markings -- beyond the sticker, apparently -- so whoever lost it should be able to identify it. (Jacksonville.com) [...]"   

Official Traded Sex for Electricity, Woman Says [06/04/10] "A woman struggling to pay her bills claims the City of Aberdeen's utilities director offered to keep her electricity on if she had sex with him, and "from time to time, when the plaintiff refused, defendant [Adrian] Garth would cause plaintiff's electricity to be turned off." [...]"  

Parents Sue Over 'Fat Moron' Comment [06/04/10] "Parents say an 8th-grade English teacher at a Christian school traumatized their son by telling him in front of his class that he would become a "bigger and fatter moron" than he already was. The parents say the comment caused their son to go on an unhealthy exercise and diet regimen and lose 15 pounds in a month. [...]"    

Faith Is Irrelevant to Child Support, Court Says [06/04/10] "A father who quit his job as a corrections officer and joined a religious commune cannot escape child-support payments, the North Carolina Court of Appeals ruled. [...]"  Note: Nice try, dude. 

Cop who saved fawn faces jail, fines [06/04/10] "Toledo police Sgt. Mark Fry, who resuscitated a newborn fawn back to life after its mother got hit by a car might be facing jail time and possible fines. [...]"  Note:  Somehow, I don't think that's going to happen. 

Doubtful: Driver who flew through toll plaza claims she was hit [06/04/10] "The 22-year-old driver who's become an Internet sensation for flying through a toll plaza at Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport claims her car had been rear-ended. Airport police, however, say her car shows no sign of a rear-end collision. Dallas Morning News [...]"  Note: Idiot. 

Police called after transgendered men take off tops at a beach [06/04/10] "Officers couldn't issue citations because no laws were broken. "In this case, they had male genitalia; therefore, they are not guilty of a crime," says the police chief. (DelawareOnline.com) [...]"  Note: Delaware, home of the US as a corporation, Joe Biden as a Senator, and sequentials who can't mind their own business.

IL: Cook Co. prosecutor choked by attorney: witnesses [06/04/10] "An attorney, believed to be a Cook County prosecutor, was hospitalized this morning after another attorney choked him on the first floor of the Cook County Criminal Court building at 26th and California, witnesses said.  A defense attorney told a bystander that he hit the other attorney because he was "sick of him mocking him.'' An official was heard telling Cook County prosecutors the victim "might be injured very badly'' and that a police report was being taken. [...]"   

Sorry, sir, that's not the kind of meat I want see at Arby's [06/03/10] "Police charged an Iowa City man with indecent exposure after witnesses allegedly saw him masturbating in front of an Arby's restaurant.  [...]"   

Fired porn worker goes berserk, kills co-worker with prop machete [06/03/10] "Facing unemployment and eviction, Stephen Hill stabbed a male co-worker and two other colleagues, who rushed to the victim's aid. The guy lived and worked at Ultima DVD Inc., where the incident took place. (AOLNews.com) [...]"   

"Give it to me," naked man tells police officer with Taser [06/03/10] "Even after being Tasered, the guy began lifting four cops off the ground. They were finally able to take him into custody after Tasering him a third time. (RecordOnline.com) [...]"   

Church Forced Girl to Apologize for Being Raped [06/02/10] "When a 15-year-old girl was raped and impregnated in 1997, her New Hampshire church took justice into its own hands…by sending her to Colorado, thereby protecting her alleged rapist. Ernest Willis, 51, was finally arrested last month after the victim, now 28, read about similar cases and decided to come forward. After raping her twice, Willis offered to pay for an abortion—or punch her in the stomach to cause a miscarriage—when she became pregnant, the Concord Monitor reports.  [...]"  Note: More people raised by wolves. 

 Sequentials At Large: Sculptor Louise Bourgeois Dead at 98 [06/02/10]  Note: Creepy, almost alien looking sculpture

State trooper who shot 5-month-old kitten wants his job back [06/02/10] "He says he mistook the pet cat for a stray and was concerned for the safety of his young sons.  [...]"  Note:  And a 5-month old kitten is dangerous? This fellow is mentally disturbed and should NOT be allowed to carry a weapon.

Vatican Sex Abuse Prosecutor Calls For 'Hell' For Guilty Priests [05/30/10] "The Vatican prosecutor of clerical sex abuse warned perpetrators on Saturday that they would suffer damnation in hell that would be worse than the death penalty [...]"  Note: Right. And, no latte or frappacino, either.

Mother Kills Herself While Driving After Daughter, 9, Refuses To Pull Trigger [05/29/10] "A California woman shot and killed herself while driving in southern New Mexico after her 9-year-old daughter refused her mother's request to kill her, authorities said. The girl told investigators that her mother began to breathe heavily – possibly from an asthma or emphysema attack – and handed over a 9 mm handgun. "She told her to shoot her. And she wouldn't," State police Lt. Roman Jimenez said. "The daughter said she has had these kinds of attacks before, but she'd never been suicidal." After the girl refused, the woman fired a shot into her own chest Thursday morning and the car rolled to a stop on the left shoulder of Interstate 10, about 25 miles west of Las Cruces. The girl was not injured. [...]"   

Swiss naked hiker wins court battle [05/28/10] "A Swiss man who had been fined for naked rambling in Switzerland's Appenzell canton wins his appeal. The court in Trogen ruled that the naked hiking did not amount to "indecent behaviour".  A prosecutor was quoted as saying the ruling should not be seen as giving blanket permission for people to walk naked in the area. The case was the first since the eastern Swiss canton of Appenzell allowed naked hikers to be fined. Appenzell has become a popular destination for those who like to hike without clothes, but many locals are unhappy about the trend. [...]"  

Mom Says Cop Went Over the Line [05/28/10] "The mother of a fifth-grader says the school was wrong to call the cops and seek criminal charges because of a picture her son drew, and a Taunton cop did even worse by faxing a report of the incident to the Boston Herald, complete with her son's name. Angela Smithson sued the City of Taunton, Mulcahey Middle School teacher Karen Boudreau, and Taunton Police Capt. Edward Walsh in Bristol County Court, alleging negligence and infliction of emotional distress.  Smithson claims her son "drew a picture that Karen deemed offensive," in June 2008. She claims Boudreau violated the school's disciplinary policy because "after reporting the incident to the principal, and before taking any other disciplinary action, Ms. Boudreau reported the incident to the Taunton Police Department and sought criminal charges." Taunton Police wrote up the incident, "detailing the picture drawn by [her son,]" and though Walsh was not involved in writing the report, he "forwarded the report to the Boston Herald, including the name of the minor," the mom says. She calls that act "extreme and outrageous." Smithson is represented by Thomas Flaws of Cambridge.  [...]"   

Fleas Aren't Illegal, Amish Farmer Tells SPCA [05/28/10] "An Amish dairy farmer claims the Pennsylvania SPCA seized his family's pets after "undercover" SPCA operatives turned up evidence that his dogs had "overgrown nails and fleas." Amos Kauffman claims the SPCA's request for "Draconian" punishment could cost him his family farm. [...]"  

Mom sues strip club after 16-year-old daughter hired as dancer [05/28/10] "Valorie Duran says of the people who run Emperors Gentlemen's Club: "If they would have done their job, they would have known she was 16, someone's daughter, and someone is gonna raise a ruckus." (WTSP.com) [...]" Note:  Yeah, they should have known.

Woman calls police to report hubby is still married to first wife [05/28/10] "The 37-year-old man told police that he knew having two marriages at once was a mistake. He planned to divorce his first wife but said that he let time slip away from him. (TwinCities.com) [...]"  

Sunbather run over by cops SUV on Long Island [05/27/10] "A sunbather was run over by a police officer driving on the beach to respond to a reported water rescue in Long Beach this afternoon. [...]"  

 UK: Son beaten by father sues mother [05/26/10] "A mother is being sued at the High Court by her son for failing to protect him from his father's beatings. [...]"  

Minnesota horndog accused of prowling bars for drunken prey [05/26/10] "Maksud Mahbub, 35, would take the women home and remove the batteries from their cell phones to prevent them from calling for help, according to the criminal complaints. Police found several pairs of women's underwear in the back of his closet. (St. Paul Pioneer Press) [...]"   

WV: Man Sets Home Ablaze Over Wife's Late Dinner [05/25/10] "Kanawha County authorities said a marital spat over a late dinner has landed a man in jail on an arson charge. Lt. Sean Crosier of the Sheriff's Department said 60-year-old Guy Edward Jones came home Sunday and got angry because his wife, Beverly Jones, didn't have dinner on the table. Crosier said the couple fought and Beverly Jones ran to a neighbor's house. Crosier said she turned and saw flames coming out of the basement and her husband exiting through the basement door. Guy Jones was in the South Central Regional Jail on Monday afternoon in lieu of $50,000 bond. It could not be determined whether he had a lawyer. [...]"   

UK: Teacher escapes jail after dumbbell attack left pupil bloody and unconscious [05/25/10] "A teacher who bludgeoned a troublesome pupil while shouting "die, die, die" was on Monday spared a prison sentence, as a judge called him a "thoroughly decent man" who was temporarily stressed. Peter Harvey, 50, attacked the 14-year-old boy at a school in Mansfield after chasing him around the classroom when he started misbehaving during a science lesson last July. The pupil was found by paramedics unconscious in a pool of blood at the entrance to a classroom. The boy was left with a fractured right temple bone and severe cuts to his head, the court heard. [...]"  Note: Die, die, die? Psychological evaluations seem to be a real requirement for being able to teach in England ...

Man drinks "some kind of mushroom tea," rips out friend's heart [05/25/10] "large incision in the victim's chest could be seen by the responding officer, and other unspecified body parts had been removed. An eyeball was resting in the middle of the room. (Times-Standard.com) [...]"   

NYBus drivers allowed two months off, paid salary, when riders spit on them (defined as 'assault') [05/25/10] "Thanks to a bizarre MTA policy and a union contract, city bus drivers are taking an average of two months off each time a rider spits on them. This was revealed at an MTA committee meeting today where officials explained that they define an "assault" on a driver broadly enough to include getting spit on. Under the drivers’ contract, each time they are assaulted they are entitled to take sick time to recover. [...]"   

Canada: Ex-boyfriend arrested in woman's death [05/25/10] "A Montreal man has been charged in the death of his ex-girlfriend, whose body was found stuffed in a manhole, officials said. [...]"  Related: Body found in drum in lake [05/25/10] "Human remains encased in concrete were found in a steel barrel pulled from Lake Ontario in Toronto, Canadian police said. [...]"  

UK: Man jailed for having sex with horse and donkey [05/25/10] "Joseph Squires was sentenced to a total of 22 months, a Leicester Crown Court official confirmed today. He previously pleaded guilty to buggery of a donkey between February 2 and February 5 1999, and buggery with a horse between March 15 and 18 2004. Squires, whose address was previously given as Overpark Avenue, Leicester, also admitted charges of damaging property – relating to the two animals on the same dates. [...]"  

D.A. & School Send Girl to 'Re-Education' for Cell-Phone Photographs of Herself [05/24/10] "A high school violated a girl's privacy - and the Constitution - by seizing her cell phone and turning it over to the district attorney because it contained "explicit" photos - of herself, the girl claims in Federal Court. The district attorney then "threatened to bring felony child pornography charges" against the girl unless she attended "a re-education course on sexual violence and victimization," the student says. [...]"   

The Battle With Mental Illness: Man accused of ' demonic outburst' at church sentenced [05/24/10] "A man accused of demonic possession by fellow churchgoers during an incident at a LaGrange church last winter was sentenced today in Elyria Municipal Court.  John Andel, 24, entered a no contest plea to two counts of disorderly conduct persisting before Judge Gary C. Bennett, who then found Andel guilty on both counts. Andel was fined $250 on each count, and sentenced to 30 days in jail. Bennett suspended the jail sentence, and $200 of the fines. Andel was also placed on three years’ probation. A third charge of disorderly conduct by intoxication was dismissed. The man was originally charged with two counts of assault and one count of disorderly conduct by intoxication following a Jan. 20 incident in which he kicked and punched a married couple seated in front of him during a bible study class at LaGrange Church of God on North Center Street, police said.  Andel’s mother, Karen Andel, termed claims by church members in police reports that her son “was possessed by a demon” as “ridiculous.” The woman, who was at the bible study session, indicated her son had suffered a seizure and had suffered one prior to the Jan. 20 episode as part of a medical problem he was contending with. [...]"    

Teachers accused of sprinkling 'Holy Water' on atheist colleague [05/23/10] "High school teacher Schandra Tompkinsel Rodriguez was in her classroom discussing her disbelief in God and the Bible with students when the alleged sprinkling incident took place. Leslie Rainer and Djuna Robinson are accused of the Holy Water "attack." (South Florida Times) [...]"   

Sequentials At Large: Mom Has Deputy Pretend to Arrest 5-year-old [05/23/10] [5:10] "Florida woman says she didn't want son playing with matches " Note:  See how the comments from other sequentials are at odds with the comments from the simultaneous people.    Related: Two-year-old toddlers being dosed up with drugs  "Children between the ages of two and five are being treated with antipsychotics at twice the rate they were ten years ago, according to a study conducted by researchers from Columbia University and published in the journal Health Affairs.  [...]"  

Sequentials At Large:  13-year-old Californian youngest to climb Everest [05/23/10]  Video clip [1:30] "Jordan Romero — who climbed Africa’s Mount Kilimanjaro when he was 9 — is on a quest to scale the highest peaks on all seven continents. NBC’s Lester Holt reports. (Nightly News) [...]"   

Woman thought to be dead found alive in Croatia  [05/22/10] "A month ago, a mother and father identified a body in a morgue as their daughter's. A funeral was held and the family mourned its loss. But it turned out that 39-year-old Tea Buric was still alive. This week police found her when they showed up at an apartment in the... [...]"    

Man tells police that "God" told him to walk the streets nude [05/22/10] "Shafiq Mohamed, 26, also told officers that "America raped" him. (Daily Comet) [...]"  Note: A lot of people know how he feels, lately, and that's not a delusion ... 

FL: "I'm Jesus," says man as he pulls down woman's swimsuit [05/21/10] "The 29-year-old transient told the woman he was going to have sex with her and wasn't going to apologize because he had created her. (Tampa Tribune) [...]"    

Student barred from course for using f-word outside of class [05/21/10] "The 29-year-old Hinds Community College student said after class that his grade in Oral Communication was "going to fuck up my entire GPA." He got in trouble for that. (TheFire.org) [...]"   

Woman hides in coffin at funeral home to avoid incarceration [05/21/10] "Brown Funeral Home wants $365 for the damage that Nicole April Kelly, 19, caused when she kicked out the rear of the coffin she was hiding in with her feet. (Lewistown Sentinel) [...]"   

Man stabs bar owner during fight over juke box volume [05/21/10] "The bar owner denied John Douglas Wetzel's demand to turn up the juke box. Wetzel became belligerent, threw an ashtray and stabbed the Sports Page bar owner. (Bismarck Tribune) [...]"  

Junk Science: Fish Fear Their Own Reflections [05/21/10] "Fish are afraid of their own reflections, suggesting that lower vertebrates possess higher cognitive functions than previously known. [...]"  Note:  These people are dumber than a box of rocks. This is the dumbest thing I have ever seen ... this week.

Nursing aide charged after licking painkiller from patient's patch [05/21/10] "Jeremiah Healless allegedly squeezed the elderly woman's fentanyl patch so the drug -- a narcotic painkiller given to people in constant pain -- would seep from the patch like a boil. He'd remove the drug from the patch and lick it off his fingers. (Chicago Sun-Times) [...]"  Note: A cotton-pickin' finger-lickin' chicken plucker, too. Dig the guys name: Heal Less

Oops!: Jailers put witness and man he implicated in same cell [05/21/10] "Murder suspect Jonathan Nicholas "Thirsty" Turner ended up beating up the guy. (St. Paul Pioneer Press) [...]"   

Woman ordered to surrender her BIOCH license plates [05/20/10] "One person filed a complaint, saying the plates are "profane", and now the New Jersey Motor Vehicle Commission wants the plates back. (www.NJ.com) [...]"  Note: Son of a  .... and all the time it was really the license plate of a CEO of a Swiss biopharmaceutical company ... 

Wisconsin court tells prison to give inmate his four bikini photos [05/20/10] "The four photos that Johnny Lacy ordered through the mail don't violate the prison's pornography ban, the court says, because the bikinis aren't see-through and they cover up the pubic area and nipples.   (Associated Press) [...]"   

Oops!: Bus driver takes students to Six Flags instead of school [05/20/10] "There may have been a language barrier between the students and the driver. "It's like a movie," says one student's mother. "But it happened for real, and it shouldn't happen."  [...]"   Related: Bus driver accused of calling fourth-grade boy a "loser" [05/20/10] "A school bus driver in the Hillsboro R-III School District is under fire from a parent, who complained the driver has taunted her son for months.  The boy, fourth grader Cameron Ritchey, suffers from Asperger's syndrome, which makes it difficult for him to interact with others. The bus driver, according to Cameron's mother, Melissa, first teased her son in February, calling him a "loser."  Melissa Ritchey complained to the elementary school principal and thought the matter was resolved. But last week, Cameron told his mother that the driver taunted him again, calling him "kookoo" and even urged girls on the bus to join in.  [...]"   

Bus driver fired after getting caught tossing her feces onto streets [05/20/10] "A witness says: "She took down her pants and turned around and did something you'd probably never do on a bus... The bus would stop right here by the curb, once in a while by the telephone pole." (Fox6Now.com) [...]"  

Junk Science: "The Fishy Origins of Humans Revealed" [05/20/10] "Fish that survived a major extinction paved the way for all vertebrates [...]"  Note: Nope. This is what happens when inquiry is restricted to the surface of a planet.  Given enough time, locally, a green tree frog may mutate into a spineless politician. Many species were brought to this planet by others.

Young golfers may have targeted couple in a canoe [05/20/10] "Their golf ball struck a woman's head as she fished with her husband. She was taken to the hospital and received stitches. Cops are looking for the punk golfers. (Minneapolis Star Tribune) [...]"   

Man busted for bogus nuptials cooked up at Buffalo Wild Wings [05/20/10] "A former University of North Dakota student and a Bosnian woman seeking citizenship arranged their marriage at a Grand Forks restaurant. The guy, who agreed to do it for $15,000, is now being investigated for marriage fraud. (Grand Forks Herald) [...]"  

Concepts and Practices: Defense Asks How Best To Make Contracts Public [05/20/10] "The Department of Defense is asking the public to comment on the best means to enable public posting of department contract actions. [...]"  Note:  That they have to ask the public this doesn't bode well. They do know how to kill the public, though. 

Screaming man on riding lawn mower brings in 15 calls to cops [05/20/10] "The 43-year-old man was riding his lawn mower around the town square "at a high rate of speed" along with a homemade flag bearing the words "Not Guilty" scrawled in black paint on a white sheet. Police don't know his motives or what he's not guilty of, but he wasn't drunk! (Medina Gazette) [...]"  

Drunk arrested for taking shortcut to ballpark concession stand [05/20/10] "He jumped over the center field fence and walked slowly across the outfield during the game. The homeless man was arrested. (Altoona Mirror) [...]"    

Homeless ex-money manager arrested for "beating up" ATM [05/19/10] "Basically, he was jumping up and karate-kicking the ATM screen," says a cop. Jason Lee Wills, 29, an out-of-work mutual funds manager, was drunk and claiming the bank owed him $300. He said he would "keep doing this" until he got his money. (Orange County Register) [...]"   

Frontiers of Mental Health: Cryonics Firm Wins Battle Over Man's Head [05/18/10] "Orville Richardson has been dead for 15 months. But in what might seem like a pointless decision, the Iowa Court of Appeals has ordered his siblings to make his head available for cryonic preservation.  [...]"   

MD: "DNA could solve a doggie whodunit" - The "Poop Nazis"  [05/18/10] "Someone of the canine persuasion has been leaving his business all over the ritzy Scarlett Place condominium near the Inner Harbor. And the condo board says the only way to find the culprit: mandated DNA tests for every dog in the building. "We pay all this money, and we're walking around stepping in dog poop. We bring guests over and this is what they're greeted by. It's embarrassing for me as a dog owner and as someone who lives in this building," says Steve Frans, the board member who raised the idea of hiring a lab to identify which of the dozens of dogs in the luxury building is behind the droppings. "Some people think it's funny. But you know, this seems to be a reasonable, objective way to say, 'This is your poop, you're responsible.' Under the proposal, every dog at Scarlett Place and guest dogs would be swabbed for a DNA sample — owners would then have to pay $50 each to cover the test and supplies. Dog owners would also pay an extra $10 per month per dog to cover the cost of having the building’s staff scoop poop and send it to a lab. Feces, like saliva, contains tell-tale DNA. If the lab identifies your dog as the pooper, that’s a $500 fine." [...]"  Note: The DNA poop test would be for the purpose of pinpointing “the source of wayward excrement” on the condominium property. Don’t just blame the state — look to the pedestrian tyrants around you who desire to turn your world into an Orwellian nightmare to serve their need for bureaucratic power and control. People have nothing better to do.    Related:  Poop Nazis and Libertarianism  by Lew Rockwell  "When I made this post about the “poop nazis” at a condo in Baltimore, I knew that some libertarians would jump the gun, and I exactly predicted their letters to me. In summary, a small group of people who like to empower themselves are trying to force people who live in the condo complex to engage costly – and invasive – services for DNA testing their dogs so that the condo association can walk around picking up dog poop and testing it, and then fine the owner after the poop is “matched to their dog.” The control freaks who usually like to head up these types of organizations are said to be doing things “voluntarily” because a condo is on “private property,” according to some libertarians. I was told that the people who didn’t like the new mandates can just “get up and leave.” (That’s always my favorite response.) I suppose that comment doesn’t take into account trying to sell a condo in this economy? Then I was told that this is private property, and, as is common among libertarians, don’t dare criticize something that occurs on private property. Now the notion of these voluntary property associations can be debated endlessly (and the topic has been beat to death), so I won’t open up that entire debate. However, here are some follow-up comments to all of those who missed my point.  [...]"  

Ex-student indicted after conning his way into Harvard [05/18/10] "While at Harvard, the 23-year-old man applied for the prestigious Rhodes and Fulbright scholarships using falsified credentials, including a fake transcript and work he plagiarized from a Harvard professor. He's also accused of falsely claiming to have attended MIT and Phillips Academy and coauthoring several books. (Boston Globe) [...]"   

Hospital Knowingly Transplants HIV-Infected Liver [05/18/10] "A woman says she contracted HIV from an infected kidney she received in a transplant at a South Florida hospital. Blood tests done before the transplant showed that the donor was positive for HIV antibodies, but nothing was done to stop the procedure, the woman claims. [...]"  

Money woes prompt hubby, wife to start high-end escort service [05/18/10] "They're now charged with selling sex -- at $400 an hour -- in their home. The 27-year-old wife (left) romped with clients in the couple's bedroom, sometimes while her husband and their 3-year-old daughter were in a nearby room in the house, the charges said. (Minneapolis Star Tribune) [...]"    

Coral Springs man tackled by firefighter after taking video camera into couple's patio [05/17/10] "By the time Kenneth Parkerson told a nurse he made a mistake.  His mug shot -- showing facial wounds -- is evidence of that. Parkerson, 28, was arrested Wednesday night after he allegedly sneaked into the screened patio of a home, carrying a video camera, police said. The homeowner's wife saw him and yelled for her husband, Pembroke Pines firefighter Ireneusz Fajkis, according to the police report. Fajkis chased Parkerson onto his front lawn and tackled him to the ground, according to the police report. Parkerson, of Coral Springs, was taken to Coral Springs Medical Center, where he talked to a nurse treating his wounds. "I picked the wrong house," he reportedly said, "because a UFC [mixed martial arts] fighter lived there and beat me up." Parkerson was arrested on one count of burglary, one count of video voyeurism, one count of marijuana possession and one count of tampering with evidence, for allegedly trying to destroy the camera while he was being chased.  [...]"   

FL: Denied Mustard, Wendy's Diner Pulls Stun Gun [05/17/10] "A Florida woman threatened Wendy's employees with a stun gun after they left the mustard and mayonnaise packets she requested out of her order. After getting the condiments, the customer allegedly slapped an employee through the drive-through window, WFTV Orlando reports. She then got the taser from her car and came back inside the restaurant, the employees say.  "She walked in with a taser and she was like pressing it, ‘Zz, zz, zz!’ And then she walked in Wendy’s, came in the back and tried to tase Jason. It was crazy," one employee said. The woman left the restaurant without actually using the stun gun on anyone. Daytona Beach police are trying to track her down.  [...]"   

Wash. Sheriff's Deputy Kills In-Laws, Himself [05/16/10] "A sheriff's deputy accused of fatally shooting his wife's parents was found dead in his Gig Harbor, Wash., home early Saturday, after an hourslong standoff, police said. [...]"  

Driver Will Be Charged With Killing Her Fetus in Crash [05/15/10] "A drunk pregnant woman who led cops on a high-speed car chase that ended in a crash will likely be charged with killing her fetus, according to Georgia authorities. Officials are awaiting results from an autopsy of the fetus and toxicology tests on the woman, 21, who was approximately 6 months pregnant, ABC News reports. The woman could get 15 years in prison if convicted of "feticide by vehicle," which can apply to any pregnancy, regardless of the age of a fetus.  [...]"  

Bus hits overhead wire, 28 electrocuted [05/15/10] "A bus hit an electrical wire and at least 28 passengers, trying to get off the vehicle, were electrocuted in the Indian state of Bihar, police said. [...]"  Note: Shocking ... back to nature they go.  

Illinois Spends $2.5 Million for Jobs Requiring a Fourth-Grade Education [05/14/10] "But in Illinois one can earn $60,000 after mastering only four years of elementary education. What kind of position requires the keen intellectual prowess of a rising fifth-grader? A bridge tender!  What’s a bridge tender? Glad you asked. A bridge tender is the fellow who raises and lowers drawbridges and other similar bridges. In Illinois a bridge tender can earn $60,000. The bridge tender has to be able to recognize that a boat or ship is approaching and flip the necessary switches to stop traffic and raise the bridge so the boat passes safely – in simpler terms the bridge tender is a crossing guard. That’s the job description that can earn someone $60,000 or more a year. In an environment where police officers and teachers are being laid off due to severe budget cutbacks and fiscal irresponsibility (Illinois has a $13 billion deficit), the government pays $60,000 for a position requiring nothing more than a fourth-grade education. [...]"   

Fight Over Embryos Settled Out of Court [05/14/10] "Two couples battling over a pair of frozen embryos have settled out of court, days before a scheduled mediation in Santa Barbara, Calif. "The settlement provides that the disposition of the embryos will be in accordance with the original intent of the parties, with the hope that the child or children born from the embryos will be raised with other siblings of the embryos," one couple's attorney said. [...]"  Note: It's Embryonic, My Dear Watson 

Feds Say Officer Lied About 9/11 Claim [05/14/10] "Federal prosecutors say a retired Navy commander who claims he was struck on the head by falling debris and injured during the Sept. 11 terrorist attack on the Pentagon completed the New York City Marathon 2 months after being "permanently" injured. [...]"   

Man, 84, accused of running down brother-in-law in money spat [05/14/10] "An 84-year-old Sevier County man was being held in Garfield County Jail Wednesday on a charge of attempted murder after allegedly running over his brother-in-law with a car -- and then beating him with a cane.  Purportedly enraged by a dispute involving family finances, Carl Lewis, of Redmond, allegedly drove to his brother-in-law's home in Old Hatch Town to confront him Monday about 3 p.m., Garfield County sheriff's spokeswoman Becki Bronson said. Lewis purportedly pulled up to the residence, motioning Kelly Johnson-- who apparently did not immediately recognize his brother-in-law -- toward his car. Lewis then allegedly floored the accelerator and hit Johnson head on and driving over him, Bronson said. Lewis then allegedly exited his car, grabbed his cane and, while shouting he was going to kill the man, began to beat Johnson.  Johnson, described as being in his 70s, sustained a broken hip and multiple abrasions on his arms and head. He was transported by ambulance to the Cedar City hospital Valley View Medical Center in serious but stable condition.  (Salt Lake Tribune) [...]"  

Autistic teen suspended over "terroristic threats" in drawing [05/14/10] "The eighth grade boy's picture shows a stick figure with a gun that's labeled "me." The figure is shooting another figure that has the 14-year-old boy's teacher's name above it. (MyFoxAtlanta.com) [...]"  Note: Outrageous.

Man arrested after failing to pull off car-bomb suicide [05/14/10] "He rigged his four door sedan with propane bottles, gasoline and shotgun shells in an attempt to make the car explode during a crash. He survived and ended up walking eight miles to call authorities. (Arizona Republic) [...]"    

Home Depot Must Actually Pay Inventor For Invention [05/14/10] "Home Depot had a problem: their employees kept sawing off their own extremities with the saws they used to cut lumber for customers. Michael Powell invented a gadget which fixed the problem, and offered to sell the device to the chain for $2,000 each. Then, the inventor’s lawsuit alleged, Home Depot simply stole the [...]"   

Psychic accused of thievery told clients that "money is evil" [05/14/10] "She also told them she needed to know their credit card numbers to make sure there weren't too many sixes. (Boulder Daily Camera) [...]"    

Taco Bell drive-thru customer mistakenly gets bag with $2,000 [05/14/10] "She drove off with it. The restaurant manager told police it was store policy to put the bank bag containing the deposit in a Taco Bell bag. The manager would then drive up to the drive-through window, and an employee would hand him the bag. (Dayton Daily News) "   

Boy tries to buy Mother's Day present with counterfeit $1 bill [05/14/10] "The bill was glued together and had uneven cuts on the ends. The boy says his mother gave him the bill in that condition. (Naples Daily News) [...]"   

Outsourcing Unit To Be Set Up In Indian Jail [05/14/10] "Authorities in the southern Indian state of Andhra Pradesh are planning to set up an outsourcing unit in a jail. The unit will employ 200 educated convicts who will handle back office operations like data entry, and process and transmit information. The project will begin at Charlapally Central Jail, near the state capital Hyderabad, in the next four months. India is a hub for the outsourcing industry, but this is the first time a unit will be set up inside a jail. The prison, with 2,100 inmates, is Andhra Pradesh’s most modern with state-of-the-art facilities. The proposed outsourcing unit is a public-private partnership between the department of jails and an IT (information technology) company, Radiant Info Systems. [...]"  Note: And what will these prisoners steal from unknowing customers? 

Calif. DA: Cop killing bystander justified (he had the same color shirt) [05/14/10] "Police killing of bystander justified (he had the same color shirt) AP May 10, 2010 A district attorney’s report says an officer who fatally shot a bystander at a California pizzeria robbery was legally justified. Chino police Cpl. Claudia Lisner shot 23-year-old Daniel Balandran outside the restaurant on Feb. 1, 2009. [...]"  

Philadelphia police officer shot himself, then blamed the shooting on a black man. [05/13/10]  CNN Video clip [4:00]  Note: This officer is a real piece of work.

Man gunned down after his puppy urinates on neighbor's lawn [05/12/10] "The suspect is a former Marine who is obsessed with his award-winning lawn. (Chicago Tribune)"  

‘Starving Yogi’ Astounds Indian Scientists [05/11/10] "An 83-year-old Indian man who says he has spent seven decades without food or water has astounded a team of military doctors who studied him during a two-week observation period. [...]"  Note: It's 'plant man'  .... put him in a dark metal box for a month and see how he likes that. 

Scotland: Medics Thought It Was A Stroke - Until X-Ray Reveals a Bullet in the Head [05/11/10] "A Grandfather who thought he had suffered a stroke until doctors found a bullet in his head has no idea why he was shot, police said yesterday( see X-Ray) . Builder Peter Hesford, 61, was apparently struck in the head by a bullet while he was gardening.  He is in a serious but stable condition in hospital after being hit by the bullet, which is lodged in his brain.  It was thought the father of six had suffered a stroke during the incident at 3pm on 19 April. But scans at Wythenshawe Hospital revealed the bullet embedded in his brain after it entered his head through his eye. Mr Hesford, who is secretary of Altrincham Football Club and has three grandsons, has no memory of what happened. Doctors had to stop surgery to remove the bullet for fear it could kill him.  He has lost his sight in his left eye and is partly paralysed down his right side. He is sleeping most of the time and his speech is slurred, but he recognises his family and knows he has been shot. [...]"   

China: Convicted killer freed after victim found alive [05/11/10] "A man in central China was freed after nearly 10 years in prison for murder after his alleged victim turned up alive, state media reported Monday, in a case that raises concerns about police using torture to extract confessions. [...]"   

CVS Manager Kills Shoplifting Suspect Over Toothpaste, Crayons [05/11/10] "Chicago Police will not press charges against the unnamed CVS manager, despite a medical examiner's finding that man's death was a homicide, reports MyFoxChicago. The alleged shoplifter, Anthony Kyser, was accused of stealing tooth paste and crayons, the Chicago Tribune reports. Kyser's ex-wife Ann Marie Balboa questioned the police department's decision not to press charges against the CVS manager: "How's it accidental?" Balboa said. "You're choking the [expletive] out of somebody. He [the employee] should be fired. He should be facing criminal charges. You don't take someone's life over toothpaste." CVS has placed the employee on leave while the incident is investigated.  [...]"    

Taiwanese high-speed train driver caught asleep at the wheel [05/10/10] "A high-speed train driver in Taiwan has lost his job after being caught dozing off while travelling at nearly 300 kilometres (190 miles) an hour, media and officials said Monday.  The incident happened late last month when the train carrying hundreds of passengers was travelling on a stretch of line just south of Taichung city in the centre of the island, the Taipei-based Apple Daily newspaper reported.  "The driver had taken sleeping pills and was not fully conscious while on duty," Ted Chia, spokesman for the Taiwan High Speed Rail, told reporters.  Train controllers noticed that the driver did not appear to be touching the controls and immediately alerted the cabin crew, Chia said.  Using the train's automatic systems, they managed to take control of the train for about 13 minutes until it glided safely into Taichung station, according to the spokesman.  Taiwan's 345-kilometre (207-mile) high-speed system links the capital Taipei in the north with Kaohsiung city in the south using Japanese bullet-train technology.  [...]"  

"Sweet and caring" teen girl's pals surprised by her double life [05/08/10] "Elisabeth Mandala, a high school senior found beaten to death in Mexico last weekend, loved to ride horses and participate in clubs at school, say friends. They apparently were unaware that the teen was a stripper and smuggled illegal immigrants into the U.S. (Houston Chronicle) [...]"   

Real-life Newman (from Seinfeld) busted for stashing mail in trunk [05/08/10] "Letter carrier Peter Ramsdal, 26, "pulled a Newman" when he stashed the mail in his car rather than deliver it. "We found three large bags of mail, unopened and opened, time-sensitive mail" in his car trunk, says a cop. (New York Post) [...]"    

Would-be bank robber tries to eat note after seeing cop in line [05/08/10] "She tried to swallow the money demand as she was nabbed, but coughed it up onto the sidewalk. (Columbus Dispatch) [...]"    

Scary Mouse Prompts $500,000 Demand [05/08/10] "A man who was "so shocked" that he suffered a "pre-heart attack condition" when a mouse jumped onto his breakfast table demands $500,000 from his apartment complex. Sakir Dzirlo "became so shocked that he immediately experienced severe pains in his chest, a shortness of breath and dizziness," he says in his complaint in Fairfax County Court. [...]"    

Popcorn-Loving Woman Sues ConAgra [05/08/10] "A woman says she needs to use an oxygen tank and may need a lung transplant after eating two to three bags of Act II Lite microwave popcorn a day for 16 years. Agnes Mercado says ConAgra and Givaudan Flavors knew the diacetyl butter flavoring causes "serious, debilitating respiratory illnesses." [...]"   

Woman says she became pregnant after watching porn in 3D [05/08/10] "A white American woman who had a black baby claims she fell pregnant whilst watching a porn movie in 3D. According to reports, the childs father , who is white was serving in the military in Iraq when she became pregnant. [...]"   

Store Sounds Like a Stephen King Movie [05/08/10] "A man says his girlfriend was forced to work the night shift at a convenience store in a "high crime area" after just two days on the job, and he was stabbed in the eye protecting her from a former employee who had threatened to kill her if she reported his shoplifting. [...]"   

Third-grader gets week's detention for possessing a Jolly Rancher [05/08/10] "School officials say they're simply complying with a state law that limits junk food in schools, but the girl's parents say it's a huge overreaction. (KHOU.com) [...]"  Note: Sequentials love their rules ... and to screw around with simultaneous incarnations. 

Grenada man hauls bucket of human heads to police [05/08/10] "Grenada man hauls bucket of human heads to police AP May 4, 2010 ST. GEORGE’S, Grenada – A Grenada man with two severed human heads in a bucket walked into a precinct station and presented his haul to horrified police, authorities said Tuesday. The 32-year-old, whose name wasn’t released, was detained when he entered the [...]"  

Parents Say Toddler Drowned in Septic Tank [05/08/10] "The 2-year-old son of migrant farmworkers fell into an uncapped septic tank and drowned in sewage, the parents say in a wrongful death suit against their employer. The parents claim the tank in which their child drowned was in the common area of a mobile home park where Sam Williamson Farms housed its workers. [...]"   

Father Blames Deere for Horrible Accident [05/08/10] "A man who accidentally backed over his 2-year-old daughter with a riding mower blames the Deere Co., for making machines whose blades keep spinning in Reverse gear, despite "many occurrences over several decades wherein small children have been backed over and accidentally maimed, crippled, disfigured, dismembered, and killed." [...]"   

TSA worker teases colleague after body scanned [05/07/10] "A TSA worker in Miami was arrested for aggravated battery after police say he attacked a colleague who’d made fun of his small genitalia after he walked through one of the new high-tech security scanners during a recent training session. Rolando Negrin, 44, was busted for assault after things got ugly at Miami International Airport between Negrin and some of his fellow Transportation Security Administration workers on Tuesday. Sources say Negrin stepped into the machine during the training session and became embarrassed and angry when a supervisor started cracking jokes about his manhood, made visible by the new machine. According to the police report, Negron confronted one of his co-workers in an employee parking lot, where he hit him with a police baton on the arm and back. “[Negron] then told victim to kneel down and say ‘your sorry,’” the report reads. “Victim stated he was in fear and complied with [Negron].” Negron was arrested the next day when he arrived for work. He told police he had been made fun of by coworkers on a daily basis. [...]"  Note: Cocky fellow, after all. 

George Rekers, Anti-Gay Activist, Caught With Male Escort 'Rentboy' [05/07/10] "George Alan Rekers, a prominent anti-gay activist who co-founded the conservative Family Research Council, was caught returning from a 10-day trip to Europe with a male escort he found on Rentboy.com, which is exactly what it sounds like. Not to worry, Rekers told the Miami New Times, which broke the story: He claims he learned his 20-year-old companion was a prostitute only midway through their trip, they had no intimate contact, and he hired the young man only because recent surgery means "I can't lift luggage." This seems highly dubious, not least because the New Times reporters spotted the retired professor pushing his baggage cart through Miami International Airport [...]"   

Louisville man going to prison for tattoo on tot [05/06/10] "Whatever his reasoning, Lee M. Deitrick thought it wise to tattoo a toddler’s bottom. It wasn’t even his child. Now the 20-year-old Louisville man has learned his punishment. He was sentenced Wednesday to three years in prison.  [...]"    

The Chinese boy saved from certain death by his big ears (or, how Ming Ming's head got stuck in a grate eight stories up) [05/06/10] "A boy in China was saved from the certain death of an eight-storey fall when his head got stuck in the bars of a window after he fell through. Ming Ming, aged six, was only prevented from plunging straight through the grate to his death by his ears. Instead, he was left dangling high above the street, to the terror of passers-by below. His screams, audible at street level, alerted them to his life-threatening predicament. [...]"   

2 Men Jailed For Eating Teenage Girl in Russia: We 'Were Hungry' [05/06/10] "A Russian court has convicted two men of murdering and eating a 16-year-old schoolgirl in January. The St. Petersburg City Court says it sentenced a 21-year-old Goth-rock musician to 19 years in a maximum-security prison. It says his 20-year-old accomplice was sentenced to 18 years in a maximum-security prison. The court says in a statement released Wednesday that the musician lured his victim to his apartment building, where he and his friend drowned her in a bathtub and cooked parts of her body in an oven. The men pleaded not guilty, and in earlier testimony they said they had killed the woman because they "were hungry." [...]"   

Woman spends two days in jail for wearing "offensive" T-shirt [05/06/10] "It said, "I have the pussy, so I make the rules." Associate Judge Helen Rozenburg charged the 19-year-old woman with contempt of court for wearing the shirt in her courtroom and ordered her jailed for 48 hours. (Suburban Chicago Daily Herald | News Sun) "  Note: Who would wear a shirt like that before a female judge? Now who makes the rules! 

Man Dies After 'Friends' Insert Eel in His Rectum [05/06/10] "A Chinese chef with possibly the worst friends in the world died after a live eel shoved up his rectum as a prank when he was passed out drunk gnawed through his guts. Doctors mystified by the man's abdominal pain and anal bleeding cut him open and were astonished to find the 20-inch eel, which had died but not before doing considerable damages to his insides, Shanghaiist reports. The patient died after 10 days in intensive care. Police are investigating, and the "friends" are likely to face charges. "     

Woman Screams “There Is No Witness Protection Program!” as She Stabs People in California Store [05/06/10] "Layla Trawick used a butcher’s knife and a carving knife to attack four people in a busy Southern Calif. Target store Monday afternoon, according to officials.  Using both blades at the same time – one in each hand – she slashed in a downward arc like in the movie “Psycho,” sheriff’s spokesman Steve Whitmore said. “She was literally walking up and down the aisles slashing people,” he said. Police say Trawick, 34, was arrested when an off-duty sheriff’s deputy pulled his gun and ordered the woman to the ground as screaming shoppers ran from the building. A mother holding her baby was stabbed in the neck and was taken to the hospital, where she was in stable condition, Whitmore said. The baby was unhurt and all four victims are expected to survive. One witness said she was shopping for a Mother’s Day card when she heard someone screaming, “There is no witness protection program!” as chaos broke out in the store. “I don’t know what it means but she was yelling that repeatedly and at the top of her lungs,” said Katy Winn, a freelance photographer from West Hollywood. [...]"    

 Sequentials At Large:  Brainless Bimbo Still Wants More Plastic Surgery [05/06/10] Related: Kim Kardashian's Ex: She Is A Plastic Surgery-Loving 'Fame Whore'   

Woman shoots husband after their lovemaking gets too rough [05/06/10] "The woman says she told her husband to knock off the rough sex, and warned him with a gun to the chest. He only laughed and leaned toward her. The gun went off accidentally, she told police, and still he didn't get off her. She pulled the trigger two more times. (Orlando Sentinel) [...]"  

Don't you hate it when you leave your gun in a public bathroom? [05/06/10] "Veronica Balle-Arnes, 24, does. She was carrying a small pocket pistol and set it on top of a toilet paper dispenser at the Fisherman's Wharf. She forgot to take it with her, and it was gone when she went back to retrieve it. (Juneau Empire) [...]"   

Doctor sued by Beatles for autograph now sued for treating cancer that didn't exist [05/06/10] "A doctor slapped for blabbing that rocker George Harrison was his patient is being sued for the wrongful death of a woman he treated for pancreatic cancer - who apparently didn't have the disease. [...]"    

Twin brothers jailed after trying to pull the old switcheroo in court [05/06/10] "A lawyer faced an ethical pinch that few of his peers have encountered: Should he reveal his suspicion that his client was an imposter? Ultimately, he did. And his suspicion that a twin showed up in place of his brother was correct. (TampaBay.com) [...]"   

Man with piggyback ride fetish arrested on drug charges [05/06/10] "A convicted felon suspected of befriending student athletes and offering money for piggyback rides has been arrested on unrelated drug charges. In one case, Sherwin Shayegan gave a young man a manila envelope full of odd amounts of money, and then told him he wanted a piggyback ride. (KGW.com) [...]"   

Man arrested after altering $10 check to $269,951 [05/06/10] "A bank sent him the $10 check after closing his account. The guy altered it, then tried to deposit it into a Bank of America account via an ATM transaction. (News-Press.com) [...]"   

Bungling thief had to be rescued from river [05/05/10] "A thief who attacked and robbed a 91-year-old sheriff in his own home had to be rescued by emergency services after trying to escape via a river, a court heard today. [...]"   

Student seeks popularity by putting suspicious device in bathroom [05/05/10] "Lars O’Mara, 18, told investigators he made a hoax explosive device with the "purpose of gaining popularity by pulling off a memorable senior prank and getting everyone out of class." (The News Herald) [...]"   

Woman with no arms aims to get a black belt in taekwondo [05/05/10] ""I grew up with the phrase, 'The impossible only takes a little longer,'" she says. (Salem News)"    

Looming storm helps cops coax nude man down from billboard [05/04/10] "The man's stepfather told reporters: "We're grateful to the police negotiators and the power of prayer." The man had been up on the billboard for hours and repeatedly threatened to jump. (Fort Worth Star-Telegram) [...]"     

Cop "utilizes his Taser" after Phillies fan runs on field during game [05/04/10] "This is the first time that a Taser gun has been used by Philadelphia police to apprehend a field jumper," says a Phillies spokeswoman. The 17-year-old fan, who had asked his dad for the OK to run on the field, will be charged with criminal trespass. (Philly.com) [...]  

Paramedics called after boy, 2, drinks white Russian at restaurant [05/04/10] ""It's white and he thought it was milk. He took one sip and started gagging,” said the 2-year-old's outraged mother, who also called police. Overreacting a bit, you think? (Boston Herald) [...]"  

Man facing foreclosure refuses to leave his home of 20 years [05/04/10] ""Even though on paper and legally it's no longer my house, I still consider this my home and I refuse to be kicked out by a greedy bank that is only interested in its bottom line," says Keith Sadler. (Toledo Blade) [...]"   

Grandma arrested after slapping mouthy teen granddaughter [05/04/10] "The 73-year-old woman says of her 18-year-old granddaughter: "She kept repeating the F-word to me, about the whole family. She just went on and on and I just got so upset, I got up and slapped her across the face." The grandma was taken into custody. (WTSP.com) [...] 

Founder of Stalin Museum killed [05/02/10] "Founder of the Stalin Museum has been electrocuted and bludgeoned to death while resting at a tennis court southeast of the Russian capital of Moscow. [...]"    

Flea infestation shuts down Ohio health department [05/01/10] "A county health department in Ohio has closed because of a hygiene issue under its own roof: an infestation of fleas.  Officials with the Fairfield County Department of Health said Wednesday that its offices would be shut down through the weekend so the building can be cleaned thoroughly and fogged with insecticide.  Fleas can transmit disease, but county Health Commissioner Frank Hirsch says he does not believe the bugs have posed a health risk at the department in Lancaster (LANG'-kuh-stur), about 30 miles southeast of Columbus. He says they've mostly been an annoyance for his employees and have been a recurring problem for years. [...]"  

Man drives murdered wife's corpse to police headquarters [05/01/10] "He showed up at the police station covered with blood. The man is accused of stabbing the woman to death over their pending separation. (Arizona Republic) [...]"  Note: I would say they're separated, now. 

Woman gets nine months of jail for planting a rat in her lunch [04/27/10] "She was arrested after the restaurant's insurance investigators sent the rodent in for testing and determined that it was a domestic white rat that had been cooked in a microwave. The restaurant doesn't use microwaves. (Appleton Post-Crescent) ..." 

Woman stabs niece, 1, during spat over gas used in beer run [04/27/10] "Lorraine Bulloch drove her brother to the store for beer, and when they returned home, she grew angry over the price of gas, say police. She threw a knife at the guy, he ducked, and a 1-year-old girl was stabbed in the head. (Savannah Morning News) ..."   

UK:  'Bad sportsmanship is rife' as youngsters play to win [04/26/10] "Rule-breaking is rife on the school playing field with youngsters willing to elbow, headbutt and argue their way to victory, a poll found today. ..."  Note:  Sequentials at play ... that's the way they are ...

Indonesia: Police barred from penis enlargement [04/25/10] "Forget about getting a job as a police officer in Indonesia's Papua if you have had your penis enlarged. You won't get it, according to local media reports citing the Papua police chief. The ban was applied since the unnatural size causes "hindrance during training," said police spokesman Zainuri Lubis in Jakarta, quoted by news portal Detik.com. Indonesia's remote easternmost province is home to Papuan tribes, many of whom are known for wearing penis gourds. ..."  Note: What kind of training .... sigh ... brings up George Carlin routines about the phallic metaphors of war and control ...

TX: 67 Year Old Arrested for Felonious Gardening [04/23/10] "After she was patted down and handcuffed, Sandra McFeeley was hauled from her Oak Cliff home to jail. "I met some neat people," she said of her nine hours at Lew Sterrett Justice Center. "I'd never been in a perp walk before. It was cool." What's not so cool, the 67-year-old attorney said, was being accused of felony criminal mischief – for thinning thickets in a city park near her home. ..."   

Man who posted ad for orgy at neighbor's house has court date [04/23/10] "The man posted a Craigslist ad pretending to be a neighbor with whom he'd been feuding appears in court today. The ad said the woman wanted to fulfill her fantasy of group sex and listed her address, prompting several strangers to visit or drive by. (AP / Hartford Courant) ..."  

Cops sniff out meth suspect who was hiding in manure pit [04/23/10] "Officers saw the 52-year-old man's head peering out from the cesspool deep with frigid feces. "I have seen people hide in baby cribs and crawl spaces. … I have never seen anybody hide in a liquid manure pit," says a cop. "That’s a first." (Fort Wayne Journal Gazette) ..."   

Ex-Aussie model jailed for fatal road rage [04/23/10] "An ex-model was sent to prison in Australia Thursday for a fatal case of road rage fueled by alcohol and pot and ignited by flying cheese balls. ..."   

British soldier's parents die in suicides [04/22/10] "The mother of a British soldier in Afghanistan hanged herself because of her fears for his life, and her husband then took his own life, an inquest found. ..."  Note: Somehow, I am not surprised at this lack of logic. I spent four years in the UK .... small island and small gene pool. 

14% of Scots 'don't know what haggis is' [04/22/10] "Almost one in five Scots don't know what a haggis is, and a staggering 20 per cent of Britons believe it is a living, hilltop-dwelling animal, a survey showed today. According to the survey, 18% of Britons believe the myth that haggis – a mixture of offal, oatmeal and other ingredients, cooked in a sheep's stomach – is a real beast which roams the Highlands.  Another 15% think it is a Scottish musical instrument while 4% believe haggis is a character from Harry Potter. Of the 1,623 people interviewed, nearly 800 were Scottish and 14% of them did not know what haggis is...."   

Flash mob youths attacked in Russia [04/21/10] "Russian youths blowing bubbles were attacked by a group of suspected neo-Nazis who mistook them for gay pride demonstrators, authorities in St. Petersburg say. ..."    

DA slaps teacher with felony because he fondled himself in private [04/21/10] "The teacher who pleasured himself in the privacy of his classroom was arraigned on a felony charge rather than misdemeanor indecent exposure because he allegedly "fondled himself," said Fred Anderson, Allegan County prosecutor. The masturbator might be required to register as a sex offender. (Holland Sentinel) ..."  Note: The janitor found things in the trash can and made a report. Note that this makes masturbation a felony for everyone in that jurisdiction .... they're not capable of much thought .... it probably makes most of them felons, themselves ... dumb as a box of rocks. Still the guy, as a teacher, should have done his thing at home ... not around janitors with a secret longing to be a teacher who can exercise a power-over function on him.

CA: Stupid Cop Envisions Vibrator in Meth Addict to Be Explosive Device: Activates EOD Team [04/21/10] "The incident began about 4:30 a.m. when a California Highway Patrol officer contacted Steven Ferrini, 60, in a “No Parking” zone on Highway 89 near Luther Pass, according to a CHP report. The officer arrested the man after allegedly finding what was believed to be methamphetamine. During a subsequent search, officers found “a suspicious wire, with an on/off switch” in the man's front left pocket leading to his anal cavity, according to the report. ...About 9 a.m., “the EOD team rendered the device safe and determined it was not an explosive device. The vibrator was subsequently removed and placed into property,” according to the report. The man was booked into El Dorado County Jail in South Lake Tahoe on suspicion of possession of a controlled substance."  Note: That anyone could conceive that some poor soul already devastated with drugs is going to be motivated to put a bomb up there, is a little odd. Shows a complete lack of understanding about human nature, and that the cop is a sadistic control freak .. .one that needs an 'off' switch.

"Man Beats Up Quadruple Amputee Girlfriend in Self-Defense" [04/20/10]  Note: Picture of Girlfriend  "Stumpy"

It's All About the Name [04/20/10] Note: Jump to it.  

WI: Man fined $177 after his pit bull bites off part of boy's cheek [04/19/10] "The kid realized the dog had a "crazy look" in its eyes, but couldn't get away fast enough. He's had one surgery and will need a second. (Sheboygan Press) ..."    

WY: Highway Cop Plotted to Kill Him, Trucker Says [04/19/10] "A truck driver claims a Wyoming Highway Patrol officer stopped him on a deserted stretch of highway with plans to murder him and use his truck in an insurance fraud scheme, and that police officials later tried to cover up the aborted crime by offering the driver $10,000. ..."    

Documentary: A Survivor’s Guide To Plane Crashes [04/19/10]  5 Video clip playlist [47:00]  "Every day across the world, more than 3 million people catch a plane. Yet despite it being the safest form of travel, many of us are terrified of flying and what we fear most is crashing and dying. Most people believe that if they're in a plane crash their time is up, in fact the truth is surprisingly different.  ..."  

WA: School destroys copies of student newspaper over fame question [04/19/10] "School officials didn't like some of the answers to the question: "If you could be famous for anything, what would you be famous for?" Some responses: "Dropping a nuke on the Middle East." "Being JFK's assassin." "Leader of the KKK." The papers were destroyed and an investigation to see if students were serious was launched. Spokesman-Review via Seattle Times) ..."   

NM: Lawsuit: Drunk cop ran over woman, then supervised investigation [04/17/10] "Albuquerque police carried out a “fraudulent” investigation into a drunk, on-duty police officer who killed a woman in a hit-and-run after leaving a bar, a lawsuit filed in a New Mexico court states. On April 6, 2008, Sgt. Andrew Gallegos left an Albuquerque bar where he had been drinking while on duty, got into his pick-up truck and ran over 47-year-old Vera Ann Haskell, says the lawsuit (PDF) filed by Haskell’s family.  Gallegos then allegedly fled the scene without notifying police or emergency responders. Haskell died soon afterward. According to the lawsuit, when investigating officers identified Sgt. Gallegos on security camera footage, they notified Gallegos and even granted his request for a five-hour delay in the investigation. “Sergeant Gallegos was supervising and directing the fatal investigation even after he was APD’s primary suspect,” the lawsuit states. “This conduct shocks the conscience.” ..."   

Russia: Boy kills dad with sledgehammer after he refuses to let him play computer game [04/17/10] "A 14-year-old boy in southern Russia has been charged with killing his father with a sledgehammer after his parents tried to stop him from playing computer games. The unnamed boy in the coastal town of Tuapse, located by the Black Sea in Russia's southern Krasnodar region, bludgeoned his father to death while he lay sleeping, regional investigators said. "At around 1am (local time) on April 12, the suspect dealt his sleeping father at least two blows on the head with a sledgehammer," the region's investigative committee said. "The man died on the spot from a head injury. A spokeswoman said the parents had taken away the keyboard as a disciplinary measure after he spent a week playing computer games. After the killing, the boy's frightened mother gave him the keyboard back and the boy played computer games for several more hours until he fell asleep, the spokeswoman said. At that point, the mother, who was not injured, contacted relatives who in turn called police. The boy, who has no criminal record, is now being held in pre-trial detention. At 14, he is old enough to be charged with murder under Russian law. ..."  

City employees take 50 cases of expired beer out of landfill [04/17/10] "They were apparently tipped off to the "buried treasure." The two employees were confronted this week; one resigned, and the other could face disciplinary action. (ColumbiaTribune.com) ..."  

“Yeah, I’ve called 911  17 times," admits Florida man  [04/17/10] "In one call, the 55-year-old guy falsely accused a cop of "making out" with the woman across the street. "Just because I’m going to jail doesn’t mean it's going to stop," he told police, referring to his 911 calls. (Bradenton.com) ..."   

Willie Nelson 'shocks' Larry King [04/17/10]  Video clip [1:20]  "What could be better than two old guys discussing marijuana on national television…especially when said old guys are Larry King and Willie Nelson? Nelson, nearly as famous for his love of pot as he is for his singing, admitted (shocker alert!) he still smokes, but explained he has “a huge tolerance for it” that us mere mortals don’t. He went on to admit he smoked before the show, causing Larry King to get all shouty: ..."   

Man gets two years for making sons fight [04/16/10] "A father in Maine has been sentenced to two years in prison for forcing his sons, six and four, to fight while he watched. ..."   

Life term for kicking parents to death [04/16/10] "A Perth man who claimed he was sleepwalking when he kicked his parents to death has been sentenced to two terms of life imprisonment with a 15-year minimum. ..."  

Stoned man crashes car into home, kills wife, goes to jail [04/16/10] "The guy's wife was killed in the accident. The judge who sentenced him to 60 days in jail says: "There had to be some type of consequences for smoking marijuana while operating a vehicle." The prosecutor adds: "This is so sad. He’s not a bad guy." (Buffalo News) ..."  Note:  No good turn is left unstoned.

Man delivers his obituary to newspaper, then hangs himself [04/15/10] "He wrote in his note: "Yes, I have hanged myself (At least I hope I did). … I have had emphysema for the past few years, and lately it has been really hard to struggle to even catch a breath. … My life has been drastically altered in the past few years, and I believe in euthanasia." (Sacramento Bee) ..."    

Tater not: Deputies find cocaine posing as spud [04/15/10] "Limestone County authorities have arrested a man they said tried to disguise five ounces of cocaine as a baked potato. Sheriff's Lt. Lance Royals said they got a tip Monday afternoon that a man in a silver Mustang had cocaine. When investigators approached the man in a parking lot outside a restaurant, he said he had nothing illegal. Investigators searched the car and found a carryout plate with chicken, rice and what looked like a foil-wrapped potato. The foil contained five ounces of cocaine.  The 21-year-old originally gave a false name and said he lived in Huntsville but couldn't remember the address, but Royals found out his real real name. The man was being held without bail on the trafficking charge and on $2,500 bail on a charge of giving a false name...."

Police: NJ suspect tried to gnaw off fingertips [04/15/10] "Authorities said a man who escaped from the back of a police car in New Jersey tried to gnaw off his fingerprints. Police captured Keith Simmonds Jr. in Middletown on Monday. Authorities said the 21-year-old's fingertips were bloodied. Atlantic Highlands police arrested Simmonds and a passenger in his vehicle on drug charges after officers stopped them and said they found marijuana on Sunday night. Police said Simmonds managed to move his handcuffed arms to the front of his body, kick out the side window of the patrol car and escape while officers used a drug-detection dog to search his car. Simmonds was being held in the Monmouth County jail on $135,000 bail. It's not known if he has a lawyer.  ..."  

Dead man wins mayor's race in small Tennessee town  [04/15/10] "A dead man has been elected mayor of Tracy City, Tenn. Carl Robin Geary died suddenly a few weeks ago. But he received 268 votes anyway in Tuesday's nonpartisan election, beating out incumbent Barbara Brock with 85 votes in the two-candidate race.  ..."  

Police: Man sets home ablaze with pot bong  [04/15/10] "Authorities said a 30-year-old man was arrested for allegedly using a marijuana bong to set his mobile home on fire. Dona Ana County investigator Lindell Wright said in court documents that the man was using alcohol to clean the pot smoking instrument Sunday when he purposely ignited the alcohol and set fire to curtains in his San Yisdro home. Wright said an off-duty deputy sheriff spotted the man driving away from the burning home and alerted authorities. He was arrested after a police chase through the community. Lindell said no one else was home when the suspect allegedly set the blaze, which destroyed the home but cause no injuries. He said the man acknowledged being distraught and suffering from a drug addiction. ..."   

Angry Dad Sues Man for Cheating on Daughter [04/14/10] "Taking contract law to an extreme, a Chicago attorney has filed a $1 million lawsuit in which he alleges his former son-in-law broke an oral agreement to be faithful to his daughter if he paid for the couple's wedding.  ..."   

"Grumpy" girl sues after clerk points price-scanner at her face [04/14/10] "The clerk thought she looked grumpy, so he pointed the scanner at her and told her to smile. Lawyers say the girl was sensitive to light and later developed post-traumatic stress and Tourette's syndrome. (AP via Post-Gazette) ..."   

Woman tries to run down store clerk who refused to sell her booze [04/14/10] "Instead of hitting the cherk, the woman crashed into a Honey Dew Donuts drive-through. An employee suffered a minor leg injury from a piece of furniture that struck her when the van hit the building. (New Hampshire Union Leader) ..."  

Doctor loses medical license after aborting wrong fetus [04/14/10] "The male fetus had multiple problems, including a possible heart defect and Down syndrome, while the the female twin appeared normal. He ended up aborting the female. (TampaBay.com) ..."    

Russian President: ‘Obama is a thinker — unlike other people’ [04/13/10] Note:  Russian President Dmitry Medvedev is an idiot. Obama is also a sequential narcissist. His HS could have been Julius Caesar....

Trial for woman who set husband on fire [04/13/10] "An Australian woman has been indicted on murder charges, accused of killing her husband by setting his genitals on fire, authorities said. ..."   

Deputy Caught Tasering Fellow Officer Just For Kicks [04/13/10] Video clip [1:37]  Note: News report. 

Elephant Shocked By Electric Wire Kills Circus Worker [04/11/10] "it happened after a disturbance, which is under investigation by the federal Occupational Safety and Health Administration. Police had said initial reports indicated the African elephant had been shocked by an electrical wire. ...Circus spokesman John Richards says he knows of no other problems with the elephant, named Dumbo."  Note: Sigh ... 

KY: Hooker didn't give me full service in White Castle bathroom [04/10/10] "William Ferris complains that he expected "all of it for $50," but just got "kissing and sucking" during a 20-minute bathroom encounter with a prostitute. (KYPost.com) ..."  Note: A simple-minded putz ... 

Bearded, bloodied man in health club showers was Jesus actor [04/08/10] "Police surrounded a health club after a 'frightened' employee reported that a bearded man covered in blood was using the showers. It turned out that man had just played a nailed-to-the-cross Jesus in a church play. (KSAX.com) ..."   

Judge sacked over DVD arrest warrant [04/08/10] "A Colorado judge has been sacked after issuing an arrest warrant for a teenager over an overdue library DVD. ..."   

Police rethink use of rabbit costume for pedestrian sting [04/07/10] "After a city councilman called the decoy "breathtakingly dangerous" and a poor use of city resources, the police department got rid of the giant rabbit. (Glendale News Press) ..."  

Teacher sued after belittling girl with "Handy Mandy" sex nickname [04/07/10] "An English teacher reportedly instructed his honors students to nickname a student "Handy Mandy" -- in reference to her alleged sexual activity -- prompting the high school girl's outraged mother to file a federal civil-rights lawsuit. (Philly.com) ..."  

Man, 87, jumps to his death from 21st floor of high-rise [04/07/10] "He had medical and financial troubles.   (St. Petersburg Times) ..." 

Woman, 81, demands child support money that's 60 years late [04/06/10] "She says of the 82-year-old alleged deadbeat dad: "He was ordered to do something. He didn't do it. He didn't challenge it, not legally anyway. I'd always thought about this. It was never far from my mind. Finally I decided, why not? Why not try one more time?" (Houston Chronicle) ..."  Note: Some sequentials just can't die fast enough. 

Saudi Arabia: Man gave advice and made predictions on TV - Gets Deemed a 'Witch" - Beheaded on 2 April  [04/01/10] "A Lebanese man sentenced to death in Saudi Arabia on charges of witchcraft is due to be beheaded this week, his lawyer said on Wednesday, urging officials and rights groups to intervene on his behalf. "Last night we got news through unofficial channels that Ali Sabat would be beheaded within 48 hours," May el-Khansa, Sabat's attorney in Beirut told AFP. "I have since been contacting Lebanese officials, including President Michel Sleiman and Lebanon's ambassador to Saudi Arabia to appeal his case." Sabat was sentenced to death in November of last year by a Saudi court for practicing witchcraft. He was arrested in May 2008 by the religious police in Medina, where he was on a pilgrimage before returning to his native Lebanon. The case against him was brought after he gave advice and made predictions on Lebanese television. Khansa said Lebanon's ambassador to Saudi Arabia was in contact with Sabat and someone from the embassy had visited him on Wednesday in his jail cell.  "It is very important that we save the life of this one person," she said. "He is not a criminal."  She added that Sabat's family was in shock and that his mother was seriously ill with doctors saying she could die anytime.  Rights groups have expressed concern about Sabat's case and similar ones pending in Saudi Arabia and have accused Saudi courts of sanctioning a literal witch hunt by the religious police.  Saudi Arabia has no clear legal definition on the charge of witchcraft and judges are given discretionary power in determining what constitutes a crime and what sentence to impose. In November 2007, Mustafa Ibrahim, an Egyptian working as a pharmacist in Saudi Arabia was beheaded after he was found guilty of sorcery. ..."  Note:  These patriarchal tribal societies are so pathetic, primitive, sadistic and superstitious. Soon, death and the end of the local game will be the great equalizer.

Swedish tourist falls to his death into the crater of an active volcano on Bali [04/01/10] "The 25-year-old man and two friends were on a pre-dawn hike along the rim of the crater of 5,633-foot (1,717-meter) Mount Batur when he fell in, local police chief Capt. Made Oka said. Rescuers spotted the man's body inside the dry crater at a depth of about 500 feet (150 meters), Oka said. Officials believe the man did not survive the initial impact of the fall. ..."   

Sequentials At Large: College student, 13, says he has the composure of an 18-year-old [04/01/10] "The kid has taken classes at UConn since he was 9. "He bears an uncanny resemblance to Harry Potter," says the author of this story. (Boston Globe) ..."   

 

Police: Insurance Agent Pulls Gun On Client [03/31/10] "Police in Essex said an insurance agent forced his client into a car at gunpoint and demanded that he drive him to his bank to withdraw money. ..."   

Teacher of the Year [03/31/10] "Parents say a second-grade teacher gave their developmentally disabled son a "malicious" and "sadistic" beating with a belt because he answered six questions wrong on a test. They say Barrett Elementary School teacher Katherine Thirkill called the 9-year-old boy up to the front of the class, took off her belt and whipped him six times, once for every wrong answer, and the metal buckle broke through his skin. ..."   

Update: Man says quadruple amputee girlfriend hit him first [03/31/10] "The original story said the guy attacked her for blocking his view of the TV, but he tells a reporter the dispute started with an argument over whether she was seeing another man. He says she hit him with a coffee canister and a bedpan "full of pee." (St. Paul Pioneer Press) ..."  

Man pours urine on dad's head in potato-cooking dispute [03/31/10] "Police say the 52-year-old son came into the kitchen and yelled at his father for using the stove to cook potatoes in a pot of water. Plank grabbed his father’s urinal cup attached to his walker and poured it over his father’s head, then dumped the potatoes and water on the old man. (TCPalm.com) ..."  Note: What is it with all this urine-nation? 

Buried Alive by Drunk Driver, Woman Says [03/30/10] "A woman says she was buried alive in her own house for "40 horrifying minutes" when a man who was "drunk and high on cocaine and marijuana" drove his car over a curb, "through a brick wall," and through the wall of her apartment. One minute she was sitting peacefully in her living room, she says, then she was "flying through the air .. and her apartment collapsed on top and around her." ..."   

Man threatens to kill veterinarian after his beloved dog dies [03/30/10] ""They called him to come get the [dead] dog and he just lost it," says a police department spokeswoman. "That’s when he pulled out a knife and started to choke the doctor and pushed a nurse." (Florida Today) ..."  Note: My vet quit after putting my cat to sleep. There's a twist. 

Elderly couple arrested for tampering with Jell-O pudding boxes [03/30/10] "They are accused of replacing the contents with sand and salt and then returning them to stores for the $1.40-a-pop refund. The wife suffers from an "age-related mental issue," and a cop insists that "these aren't bad people. ...It was a complete aberration." (New York Post) ..."   

Student Says Prof Pawed Her for an Hour [03/30/10] "A student at the University of Alabama, Tuscaloosa says she was sexually harassed in and out of class by her French teacher, who touched and kissed her in his office for 90 minutes while telling her he was "just trying to help her." ..."   

Man beats up quadruple amputee for blocking view of TV [03/30/10] "A complaint says: "The defendant threw the victim to the floor and punched her with a closed fist in the mouth and face more than ten times." (St. Paul Pioneer Press) ..."  

Woman finds part of snake in bag of frozen green beans [03/30/10] "When I saw it was a snake's head, I just threw it down and called my kids and said, ‘I got a snake's head in the green beans,'" she says. "Everybody said, ‘Oh Lord, you've got a snake head in the green beans!'" (La Crosse Tribune) ..."  Note: I grow my own pole beans ... sans lizards.

Reporter Says TMZ Fired Him for Objecting To Drinking & Drugging Co-Workers [03/27/10] "A reporter-producer claims celebrity gossip site TMZ Productions fired him from his $78,000-a-year job after he complained about having "to endure working on assignments with co-workers who were drinking and using illegal drugs on the job." ..."   

Condemned Man Spared During Last Meal [03/27/10] "A death row inmate in Texas was spared Wednesday just as he was finishing his last meal on earth—chicken, a bacon cheeseburger, fries, catfish, onion rings, and a salad. Hank Skinner, who had been on death row since 1995, was convicted of bludgeoning to death his live-in girlfriend and her two mentally disabled sons. He has always maintained his innocence. Luckily for him, a group of students also saw holes in his case. Ten years ago, the Medill Innocence Project at Northwestern University began investigating the matter. The team, led by teacher David Protess, found DNA evidence that was never tested for trial. "It was obvious from the start that DNA would determine the truth," Protess tells ABC. ..."   

Drunk Man Busted Trying to Revive Roadkill [03/27/10] "A central Pennsylvania man has been charged with public drunkenness after witnesses spotted him by the side of the road attempting to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to a dead possum. Donald Wolfe, 55, was also waving his hands around as though conducting a seance. He was "extremely intoxicated" and "did have his mouth in the area of the animal's mouth, I guess," said a state trooper.  ..."  

"Chris Rock - How not to get your ass kicked by the police" [03/26/10] Video clip [3:52]  "... from the Chris Rock show..." Related:  “They’re Cops; They’re Going to Beat You.” "When the victim of a criminal assault dials 911 for help, what happens if police are the assailants?..."  

Poacher eaten by lion in Kruger National Park [03/25/10] "Rangers said the man was apparently devoured by the beast after being injured when he was chased by a pack of wild hippos as he tried to illegally hunt wildlife in the world famous reserve. ..."  

California School Failed Student by Passing Her [03/24/10] "The Compton Unified School District violated the educational rights of a high-school freshman who played with dolls in class and performed at a fourth-grade level by allowing her to move up to the eleventh grade instead of placing her in special education classes, the 9th Circuit ruled. ..."  

Man stabbed 47 times doesn't recall incident because of pain relievers [03/24/10] "Rob Robinson says he was on muscle relaxers to relieve pain from herniated discs in his back when his girlfriend stabbed him dozens of times in the back during an argument. (Belleville News Democrat) ..."   

Cops Dawdled as Kids Died, Aunt Says [03/24/10] "District of Columbia police officers listened to the screams of children and their mother being stabbed to death for an hour while they waited for permission to break down the door, the children's aunt claims in Federal Court. ..."    

Teacher who called disabled student an "idiot" may lose job [03/24/10] "She faces the school board tonight. Cydney Abrams, whose words were captured by students, told a Hispanic student: "You got to be the idiot. I know I'm not one. ...I'm no Puerto Rican." (Orlando Sentinel) ..."  Note: No, but she's a tactless and insensitive person.  

Prison for Selling Hot Toys on eBay [03/24/10] "A San Marcos couple who boasted on the "Dr. Phil" show about making a nice income from shoplifting toys and selling them on eBay has been sentenced to federal prison. Matthew Eaton, 34, was sentenced to 27 months, and Laura Eaton, 27, to a year and a day. ..."    

Restaurant burglar leaves behind cash and dirty dishes [03/24/10] ""He just wanted food, that's it," says a detective. "He went in and pulled out a plate, got some chicken out of the freezer, got a rice box and fried up the chicken and rice in the frying pan. After he ate, he left." NorthJersey.com) ..."    

Fake cop arrested after almost backing up into real Chicago cop [03/23/10] "After the arresting officer stopped the fake cop's Crown Victoria, the guy produced his license but no insurance. When asked to step out of the car, he refused and said he did not have to because he was a "police officer." Wrong! (Chicago Sun-Times) ..."   

Woman accused of sending text about drugs to agent [03/21/10] "A Mangum woman has been arrested for allegedly sending a text message about illegal drugs to a drug task force agent. A warrant was issued for the woman for possession of a controlled substance and unlawful possession of a controlled drug with the intent to distribute. A Jackson County jailer said Wednesday the woman wasn't in custody. Authorities said District III Drug Task Force agent Chris Counts received a text message that said, "if you want a hit of this stuff before it is all gone, you better get over here." Counts sent a message asking for an address and determined that the suspect lived there. Officers said she thought she sent the message to a friend. Authorities said they found a gun and a powdery substance during a search of the residence. --- ..."   

Man Says He Caught Priest With his Wife [03/19/10] "A man claims he caught his priest "half naked ... locked in an intimate embrace" with his wife, who was "completely naked" in the parishioner's kitchen. He says he chased the holy man out of his house, and the priest left behind his shoes, watch and other belongings. The husband sued Fr. John Shramko, St. Patrick's Church, of Norcross, Ga., and the Archdiocese of Atlanta in Fulton County Superior Court. He says he and his wife began attending the church in 2003. Shramko became its priest in 2006. The husband claims he noticed in February 2007 "that his wife stopped having marital relations with him and that she was spending more time at the church." In September 2007, "the plaintiff permitted his wife to be an employee at Saint Patrick's Church," he says. He adds that because of the priest's spiritual role in his family, he sought "Father Shramko's counsel on a variety of personal issues." But in May 2008, he says, he came one day, accompanied by his children, to find Shramko and his wife in the kitchen. "Father Shramko was half naked and the plaintiff's wife was completely naked, and they were both locked in an intimate embrace," the complaint states. The husband says he chased the priest out of his house, but not before the children recognized Shramko. As a result, he says he and his children, who have undergone therapy and counseling, have suffered sleep deprivation, headaches, severe loss of appetite and high blood pressure. The husband seeks damages for the "pain and suffering from the adultery and divorce" and the costs of "enrolling his children in counseling classes." ..."   

Dad puts 4-year-old son up for sale on Craigslist, cops investigate [03/19/10] "Was it a hoax, a desperate cry for help or something more sinister? Investigators haven’t determined, but they’ve seized records from Craigslist they hope will hold clues to the poster’s identity. (Spokane Spokesman-Review) ..."   

Man surprised when stranger jumps into bed with him [03/19/10] "The 33-year-old intruder explained that he just wanted to warm up. (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette) ..."   

Minnesota man accused of pimping pregnant wife on Craigslist [03/19/10] "The couple and their 3-year-old daughter lived in a minivan as they traveled to New York, Washington, D.C. Florida and Georgia, where he arranged tricks for the woman via Craigslist and other sites. (Chicago Sun-Times | (Chicago Breaking News) ..."  Note:  

Florida man overdoses while celebrating his clean drug test [03/19/10] "He was known by authorities to abuse the drug Xanax, but it was liquid morphine that killed him. (St. Petersburg Times) ..."   

Man arrested in meat thermometer attack during 'Shutter Island' screening [03/18/10] "The L.A. County Sheriff's Department has arrested a suspect in the case of a moviegoer who was attacked with a meat thermometer during a screening of "Shutter Island" at a Lancaster theater last month. The victim was stabbed after complaining about someone nearby talking on a cellphone ....the suspect, Landry Boullard, 39, was taken into custody at 2 p.m. Wednesday at a home in the 800 block of East Avenue H-6 in Lancaster. Detectives got an anonymous tip that led them to the home where the suspect was staying, Whitmore said. Boullard was booked on suspicion of attempted murder and is being held on $1-million bail. Boullard is studying to be an air conditioning and refrigeration specialist, Whitmore said."  Note: And now he's on ice.

Jogger listening to music killed by plane making emergency landing [03/17/10] "The pharmaceutical salesman -- with music blaring in his ears -- was oblivious to the calamity unfolding behind him. He was killed instantly. (Atlanta Journal-Constitution) ..."  Note: Only something a higher self would plan on... 

Couple die while making love in car [03/17/10] "A Russian couple having sex in a car parked in a garage have died from carbon monoxide poisoning, Interfax news agency reported. ..."Most likely the lovers turned on the engine to get warm," Interfax reported, citing a source in the Moscow police force. During a moment of "intimate closeness", the pair, in southern Moscow, inhaled the gas and died, the source added. "   

Out-of-work stylist accused of burglarizing salons for scissors [03/17/10] "The 39-year-old man was finally nabbed when witnesses spotted him smashing into and stealing from the Pretty Paws Pet Grooming Salon. (TampaBay.com) ..."   

Wal-Mart probes P.A. announcement telling 'black people' to leave [03/17/10] "Wal-Mart officials say they're reviewing security tapes to find out who asked "all black people" to leave the store in a message over the public-address system. The county prosecutor is investigating the episode as a possible bias crime. (Courier-Post) ..."   

Injured dog walks into medical center's emergency room [03/17/10] "The dog had blood on its nose and paw and a puncture hole in its rear leg. "He was drooling and appeared to be sick," says an animal control officer. (Daily-Times.com) ..."   

Late Mom Was Lost for 9 Days Inside Hospital, Kids Say [03/13/10] "A suicidal woman who had been missing for 9 days was found dead in a hospital gown on the hospital's second-story landing after employees shrugged their shoulders over her disappearance, her children claim in Superior Court. They say the California Hospital Medical Center "repeatedly made contradictory and false assertions regarding the status of their mother, despite knowing that Dee Ann Haas was either dead or critically injured, and nowhere to be found." ..."   

Sex offender's scam: Advertising for female Christian band member [03/13/10] "Jeremy Daniel Wicker was jailed after a 21-year-old woman complained to police that he was stalking her after she responded to his Craigslist ad seeking a female lead singer for a Christian band. (Dallas Morning News) ..."  

Arpaio's Men Broke Her Elbow, Woman Says [03/13/10] "Sheriff Joe Arpaio officers broke a woman's elbow while forcibly taking her fingerprints in an immigration office, the woman claims in Federal Court. Maria del Carmen Garcia Martinez says deputies assaulted because she refused to sign documents she could not read; the documents were in English and she reads only Spanish. ..."   

Man hanging from car window dies when drunk girlfriend sideswipes pole in Clearwater [03/13/10] "... He was apparently leaning out of the van because he was "not feeling well," said Clearwater police spokeswoman Beth Watts. ..."  Note: Well, he's feeling dead, now.

Teen Hauled to Jail For Overdue Library DVD  [03/11/10] "What started as a routine traffic stop ended with a Colorado teen doing hard time. The offense? Not returning a “House of Flying Daggers” DVD to his local library. Come on, Colorado. You’re better than that. ..."   

Court: It's illegal to spy on your spouse when she's in the bathroom [03/11/10] "A three-judge Minnesota panel ruled that "a spouse does not lose all claims to privacy through previously sharing some intimate information, activity, or viewing with the other spouse." (St. Paul Pioneer Press) ..."  Note: Strange people ... 

Gun-wielding woman robs 11 people, gets away with only just $6 [03/11/10] "She was last seen climbing into an old Honda. (Riverside, CA Press-Enterprise) ..."   

Cougar Climbs Through Pet Door to Eat Dog [03/10/10] "A cougar slipped into a pet door in a Colorado home and ate one dog and seriously injured two others. "I walked into the kitchen and saw a big animal chewing on one of my dogs with my son standing nearby," a woman told ABC News. She grabbed boy, 4, and 2-year-old daughter and fled to a bedroom, where authorities helped the family climb through a window. The two injured Shih Tzu dogs are recovering, though both lost an eye. Wildlife officials killed the cougar. .."   

Fired Drunk Police Chief Claims Alcoholism Disability [03/10/10] "In one of the most innovative legal arguments presented to defend the transgressions of a public official, a police chief fired for crashing while driving drunk claims to be the victim of disability discrimination based on his alcoholism.  The case involves the one-time police chief (Charles Budde) of the Kane County Forest Preserve District in Illinois. After boozing it up at a bar, the district’s top cop tried to drive home intoxicated. With a blood-alcohol level nearly three times the legal limit in Illinois, he rear ended another car seriously injuring its occupants. With a preexisting pattern of “judgment errors,” Budde was promptly placed on administrative leave by district officials and subsequently fired. He responded with a lawsuit that claims his discharge was discriminatory based on his disability—alcoholism. In his complaint he asserts that the district failed to accommodate his disability and fired him in retaliation for requesting a reasonable accommodation.  A federal judge dismissed the suit, ruling that Budde had been fired because he clearly violated established work rules, even assuming his alcoholism was a disability. The disgraced chief appealed and this week the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Seventh Circuit essentially upheld the lower court’s ruling. In its six-page decision a three-judge panel writes that, in choosing to drive while intoxicated and causing a crash that sent two people to the hospital, Budde failed to comply with the workplace rules and is no longer qualified to perform his job as police chief. The justices further remind Budde in their ruling that his drivers’ license has been suspended and driving is an essential part of the job he lost.  

Civil war buff's muzzleloader accidentally discharges in class [03/10/10] "When I dropped the hammer on it, to all of our surprise, it went off," says the school superintendent and former Civil War re-enactor. A stunned student blurted out, "Holy criminy, you just shot the map." (Billings Gazette) ..."   

Women accused of tricking drunk guys into revealing PIN numbers [03/10/10] "The two then steal the guys' cards and make withdrawals. They've been nabbed. (Green Bay Press-Gazette) ..."  

Man slugs McDonald's customer, 82, for taking favorite parking spot [03/09/10] "Even the defense attorney says of the case: "It's so incredible because we're talking about a parking space. At a doggone McDonald's. It's tragic." (Coloradoan.com) ..."  

Shot in the Back for Nothing, Kids Say [03/09/10] "A Gretna policeman killed their father with five shots in the back as he sat "unresponsive" in a car, the man's children say in Jefferson Parish Court. The complaint comes on the tail of a New Orleans Police investigator's guilty plea in a cover-up of police shooting deaths in the weeks after Hurricane Katrina. ..."  

Shot in the Mouth for Nothing, Mom Says [03/09/10] "A police officer shot to death an unarmed, immobile man as he sat on his own couch recovering from back surgery, his mother claims in Federal Court. Ann Bush, who is black, says Pell City police Officer Vincent Warrington shot her son in the mouth while serving a search warrant with other officers on Nov. 12, 2009. ..." 

UK: Explorer says he dozed before car crash [03/09/10] "Police say British explorer Sir Ranulph Fiennes told them he "dozed off" on the motorway before veering head-on into another car. ..."  Note: What a wake-up call. 

Driver shaving bikini area while ex-hubby steers causes crash [03/08/10] "A trooper says: "About 10 years ago I stopped a guy in the exact same spot ... who had three or four syringes sticking out of his arm. It was just surreal and I thought, 'Nothing will ever beat this.' Well, this takes it." (Keys News) ..."  Note: At least the couple in the article below shaved at home. 

Pickup truck driver plows into home while engaged in sexcapade [03/06/10] ""Road-head" was responsible for $50,000 in damage to the home.  ..." Note: hell of a climax.

Baby Dies as Parents Raise Virtual Child Online [03/06/10] "A Korean couple let their baby starve to death while they were busy raising a virtual child online, police said. The couple, from Suwon in South Korea, would leave their three-month-old daughter home alone in their apartment while they spent up to 12 hours a day playing a Second-Life style3D fantasy game called Prius Online ..."   

Girl crashes into house while en route to egg ex-boyfriend's car [03/06/10] "The 17-year-old girl was hoping to teach her cheating ex a lesson, but while coming around a curve, she swerved out of control to avoid hitting another car, then crashed into a home. She took out a wall. (BayNews9.com) ..."  Note:  

Parents avoid car payments by making teen daughter have sex [03/06/10] "The girl’s parents made her do "sexual favors" for the manager of Shorty’s Used Cars so they wouldn’t have to make the $281 payment on the 1998 Dodge Caravan they bought two years ago. (Macon Telegraph) ..."    

Registered lobbyist for a group fighting domestic violence kills husband in 5 day old marriage [03/05/10] "Arelisha Bridges was ordered held without bond in the Fulton County Jail. She is scheduled for a preliminary hearing later this month on charges of felony murder, murder, aggravated assault and possession of a firearm during the commission of a felony. Officials said Bridges claimed she was unemployed. But records show she is a lobbyist for an organization called the National Declaration for Domestic Violence Order; its Web site says the group is pushing legislation to create a database of those convicted of sex crimes or domestic abuse. ..."   

Anti-Gay State Senator Arrested For DUI After Leaving Gay Club [03/05/10] "Early Wednesday morning, State Sen. Roy Ashburn (R-Calif.) was pulled over and arrested for drunk driving. Sources report that Ashburn -- a fierce opponent of gay rights -- was driving drunk after leaving a gay nightclub; when the officer stopped the state-issued vehicle, there was an unidentified man in the passenger seat of the car.  ..."  Note: We've seen this a million times -- the most virulent opponents are covering their own predispositions.  Video included with article.

63 people killed in India temple stampede [03/05/10] "At least 63 worshippers have been crushed to death and scores of others injured in a stampede at the collapsed gate of a Hindu temple in northern India. ..."  Note: Back to nature the minions go, again. So many stampedes ... so little time. 

Brazilian Airline Workers Pilfered From Mom's Corpse  [03/05/10] "Brazilian airline workers robbed a woman's corpse of wedding rings and $8,000 cash after she suffered a heart attack on a flight from New York to Brazil, the woman's daughter claims in Federal Court. ..."   

Anaheim Ducks VP Whacked Her With a Chair After Loss  [03/05/10] "The general manager of the Anaheim Ducks whacked a TV producer with a chair and knocked her down, permanently disabling her in a fit of rage after the Ducks lost to the Red Wings in the Stanley Cup playoffs, the woman claims in Detroit Federal Court. ..."   

CBS Sued Over Penis Surgery Show [03/05/10] "A patient claims the producers of CBS TV show "The Doctors" tricked him into appearing before a live studio audience to undergo laser surgery for "pearly penile papules," then broadcast his penis operation without his consent. ..."   

Careful! She's Got a Flower! [03/05/10] "Louisiana is the only state in the nation that requires florists to be licensed, but it prohibits professional flower arrangers from getting a license, four frustrated flower arrangers say. The law serves no valid interest, but simply "exclude(s) people who want to arrange and sell flowers from earning an honest living as a retail florist," the flower lovers say in their constitutional complaint. ..."  

'Hurt Locker' Defamed Him, Real Army Sergeant Bomb-Defuser Says [03/05/10] "An Army veteran says the lead character in the Oscar-nominated film "The Hurt Locker" is based on his life defusing bombs in Iraq. He claims the movie misappropriated his likeness, invaded his privacy and defamed him by portraying him as "trailer trash," with a "proclivity for fathering children out of wedlock," and "a reckless, gung-ho war addict who has a morbid fascination with death which causes him to carelessly risk both his and his colleagues' lives". ..."   

Woman left baby alone while she was at Dunkin' Donuts job [03/04/10] "Since the beginning of November, Mercedes Sanderson allegedly had been routinely leaving her infant son unattended at her apartment while she worked a daytime shift at Dunkin' Donuts. Her husband is a soldier currently in Afghanistan. (WWNYTV.com) ..." 

"I'm a US deputy, get me out of here" [03/04/10] "A claustrophobic Kentucky deputy has lost his job after accidentally locking himself in a jail cell and trying to shoot his way out of it. ..."   

Friction over young photography whiz's art [03/04/10] "The elders at Ecclesia Church were expecting something tame from Jackson Potts II for their annual Stations of the Cross art display. Instead, the 10-year-old produced a photo of his kid brother being beaten by a police officer. Jackson says it's a modern-day interpretation of Roman soldiers beating jesus. ..."   

Fake pilot arrested [03/04/10] VIDEO "A pilot suspected of flying for the past 13 years with a fake license was arrested Wednesday. NBC's Brian Williams reports. (Nightly News) ..."  

Nurse who refused to draw blood from DUI suspect gets $78,000 [03/04/10] "A nurse who was handcuffed when she refused to draw blood from a drunken-driving suspect has settled her lawsuit against a Chicago Police officer for $78,000. (Chicago Sun-Times) ..."   

Woman sues surgeon for mastectomy error [03/04/10] "A Canadian woman is suing a surgeon, a pathologist and two hospitals for mistakenly removing her breast after an incorrect cancer diagnosis. ..."   

Woman sells ex's boat after he skips town with another woman [03/04/10] "When he discovered his boat was missing, the man went to his bank, believing it had been repossessed. Instead, they discovered it had been sold online for $21,000 to a Minnesota man. Investigators eventually tracked the sale back to the guy's ex, who had forged documents to make it happen. (Suburban Chicago Daily Herald) ..."  

In-Laws Lose Challenge to Man's 'Whited Out' Will [03/03/10] "An angry, dying man was not delusional when he eliminated his in-laws from his will by whiting out their names and writing "void," "bastard" and "get nothing" on the document, an Arkansas appeals court ruled. ..."  

Zen Guide to Life by Maharishi Fattifatbastard [03/02/10] "... Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. ...Remember not to forget that which you do not need to know....."  

Russian politician says wants to be cloned for nation's sake [03/02/10] "Leader of the Russian Liberal Democrats Vladimir Zhirinovsky said on Friday cloning should be permitted in Russia and proposed cloning himself "for the nation's benefit." ..."  Note: This guy has always been an extreme nut case .... and a dangerous man.

Woman arrested after trying to beat drug test with boy's urine [03/02/10] "Sara Lou Kenny's friend and roommate, 26-year-old Amber Tobeck, was also arrested for giving her 4-year-son's urine to Kenny. ..."   

Unwilling Juror Threatened Him, Official Says [03/02/10] "A woman who didn't want to have to serve jury duty allegedly threatened to shoot a St. Louis Circuit Court official. Zynthia L. Holmes, 35, spent two nights in jail, charged with misdemeanor harassment. She was released on her promise to appear in court. ..."  

Seagram Heiresses Sue Adviser In Strange Tale With a Psychic [03/02/10] "Heiresses to the Seagram liquor fortune say their former financial planner revealed their business secrets by, among other things, enlisting a psychic, and asking him questions about their financial positions while he was in a trance. In their Superior Court complaint, Clare and Sara Bronfman say they fired Barbara Bouchey in May 2009, and she retaliated by divulging their personal financial information, investment history and confidential attorney-client communications to other attorneys and the media. ..."    

Woman blindfolds husband for "surprise," hits him with hammer [02/27/10] "Amy Teresa Ricks blindfolded her husband and led him to the basement, where she spun him around, told him to count to 100 and then began striking him with a hammer. (Salt Lake Tribune | Photo) ..."   

Chimpanzee sent to rehab over drinking and smoking [02/27/10] "A Russian chimpanzee has been sent to rehab by zookeepers to cure the smoking and beer-drinking habits he has picked up. "The beer and cigarettes were ruining him. He would pester passers-by for booze," a Russian paper said. It added he has now been transferred to the city of Kazan for rehabilitation treatment. ..."   

Driver who refused to pay fine for blowing his nose will not face court [02/27/10] "A man who refused to pay a fine for blowing his nose while stopped in traffic will face no further action, his lawyer said today. ..."   

Woman gets 45 days in jail for crashing weddings, stealing gifts [02/27/10] "Her scheme unraveled when an old high school classmate – and off-duty police officer – recognized her at a wedding where she wasn't an invited guest. (Spokesman-Review) ..."   

Naked man exposes self to librarian, flees with children's books [02/27/10] "The man "thrust his hips in the direction" of the woman, but didn't make any other movements toward her. (AnnArbor.com) ..."  Note: Ooooo ....

Pizzeria worker sees "jesus" in a bucket of tomato sauce [02/27/10] "The bucket was placed in a cooler for a while, and a family friend insisted on taking a video of the image, which was posted on YouTube. The pizza joint eventually washed the bucket out with the jesus-spotter's permission. (Scranton Times-Tribune) ..."  Note: Dumb as a box of rocks. 

 Women who have multiple sex partners 'preserve humanity' [02/26/10] "Promiscuous women who have children by different men could help prevent humanity from becoming extinct, scientists claimed yesterday ..."  Related: Promiscuous Female Flies Save Their Population  "Promiscuous female files may help save their populations from extinction, a new study suggests. ..."  Note: Don't sequential scientists have more to do with their time, during the same news cycle?

Tampa man charged with wearing a clown mask on a public road [02/25/10] "Matthew David Lopez, 18, was taken to jail on charges of wearing a mask or hood on a public road after the age of 16 years old and resisting arrest without violence. (St. Petersburg Times) ..."   

Costa Mesa man hit by same Metrolink train twice in two weeks [02/25/10] "A relative tells police he believes they were accidents, not suicide attempts. Maybe the guy should just stay away from tracks. (Orange County Register) ..."   

Repo Man Says TV Chains Stole His Show [02/25/10] "The man who says he created and starred in the popular Spanish-language version of the TV show "Operation Repo" claims Telemundo and Turner Entertainment stole his scripts and story ideas and forced him out of a show about his own life. Luiz Pizarro says he wrote a treatment for the show in 2004, based on his family's experiences repossessing cars. ..."   

Teacher's Aide Says She Was Fired forReporting Drug-Dealing Third Grader [02/25/10] "A special education aide at an elementary school says she was told to "shut her mouth and walk away" and then fired after reporting that a third grader was "selling amphetamine pills to other students on school property." ..."  

Driver scared of bridge drank vodka for 'courage' [02/25/10] "A delivery driver drank enough vodka to be four times over the limit for "Dutch courage", because he was scared of the Forth Road Bridge. ..."    

Woman digs out jail with spoon [02/25/10] "A Dutch woman has dug her way out of jail using a dessert spoon taken from the prison canteen, authorities said yesterday. ..."   

Store employee accused of masturbating behind the meat counter [02/24/10] "When police confronted Nicholas Lorenzo about a female shopper's allegations, he admitted to "having his penis out of his pants." Just another day at work for the guy? (Denver Post) ..."   Note: Stay away from the cream-filled pasta. 

"Put the Wiener Down, and Back Away Slowly" [02/24/10] "Pediatricians in the United States are calling for hot dogs to be redesigned to reduce the risk of children choking on them. In a new policy statement published yesterday, the American Academy of Pediatrics says hot dogs are the food most commonly linked with choking deaths among children. ..."    

Minneapolis Hilton Hotel ballroom sex orgy lawsuit quietly settled [02/24/10] "The female night manager of the hotel restaurant "observed Hilton executives on top of a table engaging in sexual activity," according to the just-settled lawsuit. (Minneapolis Star Tribune) ..."  Note: Dear Mr. Executive dick-head ....

Man busted for stealing women's panties at real estate open houses [02/24/10] "Police found the guy's plastic bags containing eight pairs of underwear and printouts of Internet listings for area open houses. (MyCommunityNow.com) ..."  Note: And clothing costs so much these days! 

Woman shoots at hubby for not turning over tax-return money [02/23/10] "Police say the woman threw the gun in a sewer after the incident because she didn't want children getting their hands on it. Police contacted her and she didn't seem sorry. "She felt more than justified," says a cop. (KSDK) ..."  

Hundreds Say Crooked Casino Paid Off Politicians in Alabama [02/23/10] "Hundreds of customers say an Alabama casino and dog racing track rigged bingo machines and used them to pay off politicians. They claim former Birmingham Mayor Larry Langford, awaiting sentencing for felony corruption, a "longtime friend and political ally" of the casino owner, won more than 550 jackpots for more than $1.6 million over 4 years, and "was escorted by employees" to the machines where he won his money. ..."   

Doctor mistook baby's bladder for hernia [02/23/10] "A British pediatric surgeon admitted mistaking a baby's bladder for a hernia and removing 90 percent of it, officials said. ..."   

Oops!: NRA gun instructor accidentally shoots student in the foot [02/23/10] "The accident happened at Summit Church, located in a former Orlando movie theater. "We won't be having anything like that in our church in the future," says a spokeswoman. (Orlando Sentinel) ..."  

Dairy Worker Seen Striking Cow with a Wrench in ABC News Reports Suspended From Job [02/20/10] "A dairy worker seen on video in exclusive ABC News reports striking a cow with a wrench has been suspended from his job at an upstate New York dairy. ...... This employee should be fired, prohibited from working around animals, referred for psychiatric evaluation, and criminally prosecuted for abusing animals," said Nathan Runkle of the advocacy group Mercy for Animals, whose undercover investigator filmed Niles striking the cow at Willet, one of New York's largest dairies. "This action is too little, too late and fails to address larger underlying issues of animal cruelty at Willet Dairy." "  Note: Should not minion police officers be prosecuted for abusing humans, too? 

Man beaten with high-heel during Waffle House Valentine's date [02/20/10] "At least it wasn't at Chuck E. Cheese. When officers got to the scene of the crime, they found a "blood-covered floor and tables in a state of disarray," according a police report. (SavannahNow.com) ..."   

Apartment manager beats tenant to death for locking himself out [02/20/10] ".... A witness told police Bohannon was intoxicated the afternoon of Feb. 7 and had lost the keys to his apartment. When Richardson was called to the second floor of the building to assist him he went into a rage, throwing Bohannon against a wall and down a flight of stairs before kicking him down a second flight of stairs....(Milwaukee Journal Sentinel) ..."  

Man accidentally leaves drug deal information on boss's phone [02/20/10] "Joseph Stankiewicz was on medical leave from an auto parts store when he called the human resources director and left her a message on. He failed to disconnect his phone properly and the voice mail continued to record a drug deal. (Des Moines Register) ..."   

Motorist Who Flipped off Cop Gets $50,000 From City [02/19/10] "The citation of a motorist for displaying his middle finger to a police officer -– what a judge described as a “somewhat innocuous” gesture -- turned out to be quite expensive for the City of Pittsburgh as it agreed to pay $50,000 to the bird-flipper. David Hackbart flipped the bird at Sgt. Brian Elledge during an altercation over a parking space with another motorist in April 2006. After prosecutors dropped disorderly conduct charges, he sued the city in February 2007, arguing that Elledge retaliated against him for “engaging in constitutionally protected speech.” ... The settlement of the case followed a judge's ruling (PDF) granting summary judgment to Hackbart on the issue of whether his free-speech rights were violated. It averted a trial on the remaining issues of whether the city had a policy of citing people for displaying middle fingers and what damages Hackbart should recover .....  The gesture has become somewhat innocuous, and without more, Hackbart’s display of his middle finger did not constitute fighting words and is entitled to the full protection of the First Amendment,” U.S. District Judge David S. Cercone ruled. As part of the settlement, the city also agreed to “provide additional training to all officers on the Constitutional rights of an individual to use profane language and gestures ......  Elledge's “objective reasons for writing the citations were because Plaintiff was obstructing traffic and refused to move when told,” it said in a brief, and “It makes no difference to the existence of probable cause if Sgt. Elledge incorrectly wrote the citation for disorderly conduct, rather than for obstruction of traffic.” Cercone flatly rejected that argument because Elledge “did not issue a citation for a violation of the Pennsylvania Motor Vehicle Code. Nor did Elledge mention such criminal conduct in the disorderly conduct citation.” The citation said, “Disorderly Conduct. Driver made an obscene gesture towards me. Flipped me off while driving by. Also flipped off another driver.” Cercone also noted that the city's “own training materials instruct that the middle finger gesture is not obscene for purposes of disorderly conduct.”  In a deposition, Elledge admitted that Hackbart's gesture was not illegal. "I have occasionally, yes, given people the finger," he said." Related: Cops Seek Immunity for "Flipping Off" Citation 

First came love, then came marriage-night arrests [02/19/10] "A marriage got off to a rocky start after the 21-year-old groom from northern Idaho was arrested twice on his wedding night and charged with assaulting his new wife in nearby eastern Washington. Court records show Nathan Lewis of Lewiston, Idaho, was charged Tuesday in Asotin County Superior Court with second-degree assault and interfering with a report of domestic violence. The Nez Perce County Sheriff's Office in Idaho says Lewis was married Sunday and later arrested for drunken and disorderly conduct in Lewiston. Police say that after Lewis was released on bail, he assaulted his new wife at a home in nearby Clarkston, Wash. The bride told authorities she was slapped and choked during the altercation, the Lewiston Tribune reports. Lewis is scheduled to be arraigned March 1. ..."   

"Alternative" weekly cans reporter for obscenity in e-mail [02/19/10] "Alternative has its limits at Richmond's alt-weekly. It fired reporter Chris Dovi for referring to a blind motivational speaker as a "blind fuck" in an e-mail he meant to send to an editor. Instead, the message went to the speaker's PR man. Richmond Times-Dispatch) ..."    

Abuse Under Color of Authority: Judge Allows Testimony in Transgender Case [02/19/10] "A magistrate judge in Manhattan refused to block a law professor's testimony in the case of a transgender lesbian who was arrested at the Republican National Convention and claims New York City's law enforcement officers "subject transgender individuals to invasive, overly intrusive searches in order to ascertain their genital status." ..." Note: Sadistic cops.

Onlookers encourage suicidal man to jump [02/19/10] "Many people who witnessed the incident went online to describe the callous reaction and behavior of bystanders. (SFGate.com) ..."  Note: So, did he jump? Did he? Did he?

Mom charged with hitting son, 21, with Louisville Slugger bat [02/19/10] "Linda Newstrom, 49, reportedly admitted to police that she went after her son. "I brought him into this world and I'll take him out of this world," she told them. (Observer-Reporter) ..."  Note: Thankfully, she's on ice.

Woman arrested after attacking hubby for peeing on the floor [02/19/10] ""What are you doing?" Deanne Eisholz, 44, asked David, 50, when she heard his urine spraying the floor. A fight followed. Deputies said the place was cluttered with Natural Light beer cans, and both husband and wife appeared to be drunk. (TampaBay.com) ..."  

Amputee refused disability in case she "gets better." [02/19/10] Note: But, she doesn't have a leg to stand on!

Man Can Sue Officer Over City Pool Ban, Court Says [02/19/10] "Before being banned from a city pool, a Cincinnati man should have been given the chance to defend himself against allegations that he was lurking and staring at children as they swam, the 6th Circuit ruled. ..."  Note: Why would the pool be so important to him?

NY police killed unarmed black man in hail of 50 bullets - no civil rights charges [02/18/10] Note: Change you can bereave in.

Bridezillas resorting to dirty tricks to force their man up the aisle [02/18/10] "Six in ten brides use underhand tactics to ensure that their partner pops the question, according to a new survey. ..." 

Satire: Keep Loveless Marriage Legal [02/17/10] VIDEO [2:33] "Opponents of gay marriage say they want to protect the sanctity of the institution, but what if marriage was limited to people who love each other? The Onion has this satirical take on the marriage brouhaha.  ..."  

Girl Sucks at Parking [02/17/10] VIDEO [1:18]  Note: Ha! Wonder if it's just a lack of experience or a neurological disorder?

Woman makes up story about getting hit by car to avoid firing [02/16/10] "A 20-year-old woman was charged with making false reports to police after she allegedly made up a story about getting hit by a car on her way to work because she was running late and didn't want to get fired. (The Herald-Standard) ..."  

Man kicks in door, smashes car window in "puppy rage" incident [02/16/10] "Nicholas R. Hubbard, 22, had traded his computer for a puppy with a woman, but later became angry when the puppy scratched his daughter. He wanted to give the dog back -- the woman said fine -- and then he decided he wanted to keep it. Violence followed. (Dodge City Daily Globe) ..."   

Head of National Mint in Chile Fired: Misspelled Name of Country on Coins [02/13/10] "Gregorio Iniguez, the general manager of the Chilean mint, has been fired after misspelling 'Chile' on thousands of coins. The 50 peso coins, worth around 10 cents, bear the word 'CHIIE' rather than 'CHILE'. They were printed in 2008 but apparently no one noticed until late 2009. A picture of the faulty coin can be seen HERE. Other workers at the mint have also been fired. There are currently no plans to take the coins out of circulations, and, according to the BBC, people have begun hoarding the faulty coins, hoping they will become collector's items. The mint, which has seen a number of blunders in the past, was criticized in the Chilean newspaper El Mercurio as a "Dickensian factory."  ..."   Note: Sigh .... dumb and dumber.

Minneapolis police officer accused of robbing a bank on his way to work [02/13/10] "The charges keep piling up for a former Minneapolis police officer accused of robbing a bank on his way to work. Officers say Timothy Carson was headed to the police department to report for his shift when he stopped by a Wells Fargo bank to rob the place. ..."   

Man arrested after using stun gun on "sinner" dance instructor [02/13/10] "The 59-year-old suspect claimed that other people had told him that the instructor is "a true sinner, fornicator, (adulterer), he defiles married women and is a peeking Tom." He said he was going to scare the instructor "and tell him to leave the women alone." (Wisconsin State Journal) ..."  

New Zealand Bribes Maori Tribesmen By Giving Them Eleven Volcanoes [02/13/10] "The New Zealand government and leaders of the Maori people signed a treaty Friday giving the indigenous tribe ownership of 11 volcanic cones in Auckland. ..."  Note: So ... all 'virgins' have no doubt left the island ...

Six-year-old boy suspended for "sexual harassment" to get $160K [02/13/10] "An elementary school student, accused of sexually harassing a classmate as a first-grader in 2006, will receive a total of about $160,000 in a legal settlement reached with the city of Brockton, Mass. His parents received $20,000. (Brockton Enterprise) ..."   

Actor, Shot in the Head, Seeks Relief [02/13/10] "An actor in a Wild West show who was shot in the head by a handgun that "should have been loaded with blanks," claims a corporation and a man are transferring assets to make it harder for him to collect judgment. ..."  

Man Goes On Rampage In Walmart, Smashes 29 TVs [02/12/10] VIDEO [1:23]  "A Georgia man went on a rampage yesterday at a Walmart outside of Atlanta, smashing dozens of flat-screen televisions with a baseball bat he found in the store. The man, 23-year-old Westley Strellis, bashed in 29 flat-screen televisions worth $22,000, reports the Atlanta Journal Constitution. He was charged with a whopping 29 counts of criminal damage to property. ... Strellis invoked his Fifth Amendment right to stay mum, so his motive remains a mystery. According to the police report, when officers arrived on the scene, Strellis was sitting in an aisle in the store's electronics department. When approached, he held out his wrists, signaling for the officer to handcuff him. Police found a bottle of Effexor XR, an anti-depressant, in Strellis's possession. Watch video from the store surveillance cameras"  

"STOP BREEDING": Biodiversity Group Offering Free Condoms [02/12/10] "An Arizona-based environmental group that fights to protect endangered species plans to distribute 100,000 free condoms across the U.S. beginning on Valentine's Day. The Center for Biological Diversity in Tucson says the promotion is meant to call attention to the impact of human overpopulation on endangered species. ...The group will hand out six different condom packages with original artwork. People can also enter to win free condoms for life. Slogans on the packages include "Wrap with care, save the polar bear," and "Wear a condom now, save the spotted owl." The center's Randy Serraglio says human overpopulation is destroying wildlife habitat at an unprecedented rate. The endangered species condoms will be distributed in bars, supermarkets, schools, concerts, parties, and other public events."  Note: These people are delusional enough, but mostly intellectual morons who have nothing better to do with their time. Where was the biological diversity when the government killed the American Indians? Or did everything it could to kill millions of people in 100 years time. These people think 'nature' is superior .. and that 'life is sacred' ... they know nothing about the larger reality of existence. They are pawns and lightside control freaks themselves ... it can only end badly for them. And, to hell with the spotted owl too.

Happy Hour Ends In Arrest Of Sonic Customer [02/12/10] ""It was still before 4 o'clock," said Garcia, after checking the time on his cell phone. When he pointed the time out to his waitress, Denice Crawford, she said the time on the receipt was 4:11 p.m. Garcia told her that wasn't the correct time. "Our clock is 15 minutes fast," Crawford told Garcia, "and we have an automated system. I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do." Unhappy with that explanation, Garcia insisted on speaking to a manager. Sonic manager Bobby Aragon wrote that "there is a time difference of 13 minutes between national time and our sonic time." But Aragon was not willing to give Garcia the half price deal. ..."   

Man, 20, accused of putting tattoo on rear of 1-year-old girl [02/11/10] "The tattoo, which is the letter "A," couldn't be removed, according to a police complaint. It wasn't clear why the child was given a tattoo or what the "A" signifies. The young man who applied the tattoo is sitting in jail. (Canton Repository) ..."  

Robin Williams on Obama and Bush [02/11/10] VIDEO [9:20]  Note:  This was a spot on what was apparently a Royal Command Performance in the UK. Prince Charles was in the audience.

Arab husband sues family after wife shows 'surprises' under veil [02/11/10] "A traditional Muslim marriage carries one risk: you never know what you get until the last moment. An Arab diplomat in the United Arab Emirates found his wife was drastically different from a picture he had - cross-eyed and bearded. ... A traditional Muslim marriage carries one risk: you never know what you get until the last moment. An Arab diplomat in the United Arab Emirates found his wife was drastically different from a picture he had - cross-eyed and bearded. Before the wedding, the man had few brief encounters with the bride, who refused to lift her niqab - a veil that covers the face completely. However, the groom's mother, who arranged the marriage, told her son that the girl was good-looking. The groom was allowed to be alone with his bride only after signing a marriage contract. "When he wanted to kiss his wife-to-be, he discovered that she was bearded and cross-eyed," sources close to the case told Gulf News. The man immediately called off the wedding party and filed a lawsuit against the girl's relatives, claiming they provided his mother photos of the bride's sister instead of his fiancee during the marriage arrangement. He also demanded the family repay him $140,000 - the money he spent on presents for his future wife. The court divorced the diplomat, but did not award him any damages. The girl filed a counter-claim, seeking alimony, but also lost the case."     Note: Ice ass unveiled.

Raging Debate: Should We Geoengineer Earth’s Climate? [02/11/10] "Geoengineering proposals could save Earth from climate change, or the schemes could make matters worse. ..."  Note: No. The level of knowledge to do this safely would not arise here for probably 400 years .... 

Woman's souvenir Faberge egg mistaken for a grenade at airport [02/11/10] "The woman, who picked up the egg while in Russia, says: "They had a [bomb-sniffing] dog come and a truck drove up with several police/security personnel. They had everything secured for a possible bomb before opening my bag to check it out." (MinnPost.com) ..."   

Cafeteria worker, 13-year-old girl suspended over food fight [02/11/10] "The girl threw vegetables at 55-year-old lunch aide Rosa Robles, then sat down. Robles walked up to the 13-year-old and threw vegetables in her face. "How do you like it?" she asked. (Waterbury, Conn. Republican-American) ..."  

Idaho man says Wells-Fargo won't honor his 30-year-old CDs [02/11/10] "The miner and rancher recently found the long-lost certificates of deposits, estimated to be worth more $500,000. He says the bank's lawyer "just comes up with theories that I’m trying to steal their money." (Twin Falls Times-News) ..."  

Man robbed while trying to buy crack cocaine with a credit card [02/10/10] "He then called police to report it. (Flint, Michigan Journal) ..."  

"That's Not Value", Nauseated Woman Says [02/10/10] "A Popeye's patron says she spit out a "funny" tasting "chicken value meal" and discovered that the "purple and brown" meat with a "mustardy" flavor came from a rat. After her first bite, Michellee Alfonso says, she exclaimed, "Eew! That taste funny." She says she peeled the skin to examine the meat and "much to her horror, she sees a tail attached to the hind part of a rat." ..."  

It's Complicated ... [02/10/10] "Jane Doe claims that while her boyfriend was two-timing her with a Quest Diagnostics manager, the Quest employee looked up Doe's medical test results and told their common boyfriend that Doe has herpes. Doe adds that when the boyfriend denied having the virus, the manager cooked up a bogus test for herself and showed them to the man "in at attempt to get him to admit that the plaintiff (current girlfriend) in fact had herpes." ..."   

Surely You Jest, Women Tell Wisconsin [02/10/10] "Wisconsin is yanking licenses for child-care providers for flimsy and ridiculous reasons, three women say. One lost her license because the state found she took more than 10 days to tell the food stamp office she had got a minimum-wage job - 31 years ago. Another one's license was pulled because the spent an extra envelope of food stamps the state sent her by mistake in 1990. ..."    

Mom wondered why teacher was giving her son so much attention [02/10/10] " The mother became suspicious of teacher Tammy Renee Clinton (left) when she started showing up at the parent-teacher conferences -- even though the boy wasn't in any of her middle school classes. "She seems very involved in his education. Who is she?" the mother recalled asking. "Why is she giving him so much attention?" The answer: She was fooling around with him. (TampaBay.com) ..."   

Teen drives car down school hallway, crashes into security office [02/10/10] "The 17-year-old boy was arrested, interviewed and taken to a medical center "for a mental evaluation." A cop says: "He did not appear to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol." (Seattle Times) ..." 

Mom shoots son in crotch when holdup prank goes awry [02/06/10] "The injured 21-year-old told police he thought it would be funny to frighten his mother when she returned from shopping. He put on a ski mask and approached her at their house, and she pulled her gun and fired. (Milwaukee Journal Sentinel) ..." 

Man arrested after stuffing 75 stolen bottles of lotion in his pants [02/06/10] "A cop says: "They could not fit [suspect] Chamil Guadarrama into the police cruiser because his pants were bursting at the seams and he could not bend over." He was wearing ordinary trousers but had string tied around each ankle to keep the glass bottles from slipping out. (Springfield, Mass. Republican) ..."  

Anger management counselor pulls gun on men in parking dispute [02/06/10] "He eventually learned that the two men he believed were blocking his car on a street last week were federal marshals. (Washington Post) ..."   

Don't Bogart That Joint, My Friend [02/06/10] "A California man with a doctor's prescription for marijuana demands punitive damages for Berkeley police officers' "gratuitous mayhem," saying they ran him over with a bicycle, knocked him down and stomped him because he was smoking a joint during a Mardi Gras parade. ..."  

Man tries to get case worker to keep quiet about his Whizzinator [02/06/10] "Chad Thomas allegedly offered the urine-test case worker $300 to throw the device away, but the worker refused. Thomas then upped his deal to $500, but was refused again. He was arrested for felony bribery. (Grand Junction Sentinel) ..."   

Man with "Why Try" tattoo on face arrested for carjacking/choking [02/05/10] "Ali Kimia, 32, allegedly stole a 72-year-old man's Honda Accord and robbed him of personal belongings. The carjacker choked the man and drove away, only to return and resume strangling him. The crime victim survived. (San Francisco Chronicle) ..."    

Dad holds daughter's head under water for not reciting alphabet [02/05/10] "She's only 4, for cripes sake! The abusive soldier/dad was arrested after his girlfriend told police he "was irate, intoxicated and walking around the neighborhood with his Kevlar helmet threatening to break windows." (Tacoma News Tribune) ..." 

Drunk sheriff's deputy has to be put into a K-9 cage after arrest [02/05/10] "The guy was vomiting on himself, repeatedly refused to stop kicking the inside of a squad car, and berated the arresting trooper. (Kingsport Times-News) ..."   

Men found hiding out with $300 worth of stolen Hostess products [02/04/10] "Two men, 18 and 34, were arrested before they could enjoy the Twinkies, Zingers and other sugary treats. (Kingsport Times-News) ..."  

Man irate about gas pump not working drives SUV into store [02/04/10] "Angry about a gas pump not being turned on, a 49-year-old man threatened to kill the service station clerk and then drove his truck into the store. Birmingham News) ..."   

TN: Sheriff Went Wild, Couple Says [02/04/10] "A sheriff in rural Tennessee has been accused of threatening a husband and wife by "blowing their f---ing heads off" and "inappropriately" touching the wife during an unwarranted traffic stop. In a lawsuit filed in a federal court in Chattanooga, Shawn and Michelle Graham allege that a group of police deputies, wearing camouflage and not identifying themselves as law enforcement officers, stopped the Grahams' car in January, 2009, pushed a gun through the window of the Grahams' Nissan and pointed it at the husband, "sometimes tapping his head with the barrel." The officers ordered the couple out of the car, and frisked them while yelling "death threats and angry curses at the Grahams." The Grahams say Sheriff Ronnie Hitchock of the Sequatchie County Sheriff Department personally carried out a pat-down of Michelle Graham, during which he "reached inside the pockets of her clothing, making inappropriate contact with her breasts and groin areas. Handcuffed in the back of Sheriff Hitchcock's cruiser, Mr. Graham was forced to watch this unconstitutional spectacle." The lawsuit states that, even though the officers' search turned up "no weapons, no drugs and no contraband," the couple were taken to a police station and strip-searched. The couple were never charged with any crime. ... The lawsuit further argues that the sheriff "did not investigate or review" the January 29, 2009, incident, even after it became apparent there were no grounds for arrest. "In fact, the Sheriff made sure his department maintained little or no paperwork about Shawn and Michelle Graham, referring to them only by the number given the jail cell he  or she occupied," the lawsuit states. "Sheriff Hitchock failed to intercede and stop any in his armed crew to kill the Grahams by 'blowing their fucking heads off', pointing rifles at them, cursing them, frisking them, jailing them and then stripping them," the lawsuit states. Download a PDF of the civil complaint here, courtesy of Courthouse News. The Grahams are suing under the federal Civil Rights Act for "wrongful arrest, false imprisonment" and "gross invasion of privacy," among other things. The defendants are the Sequatchie County government, Sheriff Hitchcock, and a number of deputies from nearby Van Buren County. None of the Grahams' allegations have been proven in court."  Note: Nor have they been refuted.  

Man Says Pastor Beat the Hell Out of Him [02/04/10] "A church pastor beat the hell out of a student when he complained that the church's home-school high school diploma program was not accredited as advertised, the student says in the Cleveland Court of Common Pleas. The man claims that Community of Faith Church pastor Jeffrey Sanders threatened him with a stick, cussed him out, punched him and "slammed him into a table four times" after he had paid good money to get his diploma. ..."  

"Faith-Healing" Parents Convicted of criminally negligent homicide  [02/04/10] "An Oregon couple whose son died when they chose prayer rather than medical treatment was found guilty of criminally negligent homicide Tuesday after a Clackamas County jury deliberated for two days. Jeff and Marci Beagley's 16-year-old son Neil died in June 2008 of complications stemming from a urinary tract blockage. ..."  Note: Just because you have a mental process going on in your head ... it doesn't mean it relates to anything else.

U.A.E. camel beauties challenge economic recession [02/03/10] "The ongoing Al Dhafra Festival camel beauty pageant in the United Arab Emirates challenges the global financial recession with camel sales reaching almost $16.5 million in the first three days. ..."  Note: I can't think of even one 'hump' joke. I've just run dry.

Man hospitalized after strapping rocket to his back while sledding [02/03/10] ""Apparently, he has this sledding party every year, and he always does outrageous things at it, but he's never blown himself up before," says undersheriff Mike McCabe. (MLive.com) ..."  Note:  The song 'rocket man' comes to mind ...

Blind New York Governor caught with woman in his closet [02/01/10] "The state's first African-American Governor, who is also legally blind, said to have been found in close encounter with many pretty women, including one in the closet of his mansion, the New York Post reported ..."  Note: He just didn't notice.

Subway masturbator yells at passenger who orders him to knock it off [01/30/10] ""I'm doing my business, you do yours!" said 49-year-old Joseph Boyd as he pleasured himself on the train. (New York Post) ..." 

Contemporary Persian poetry published in Japanese [01/29/10] "Japan has published a collection of contemporary Persian poetry that was translated into Japanese by a group of scholars from both countries. ..."  Note:  "Ode to a Rug With Seascape" ought to be the first title on the list. 

Teachers accused of tying boy's hair into pig-tails, bullying him [01/29/10] "A mother says that a teacher and a teacher's aide embarrassed and humiliated her 11-year-old son by tying his hair into pig-tails, forcing him to stand in front of class and encouraging kids to mock him with feminized versions of his name. (Cincinnati.com | Courthouse News Service) ..."  Note: The teacher deserves to be fired, banned from teaching, prosecuted and jailed. Sounds like a 'hate' crime and a form of assault to me. People like this drive me crazy.

Kurdish girl gets 8 years in prison In Turkey [01/29/10] "A Turkish high criminal court has sentenced an adolescent Kurdish girl to nearly eight years in prison on charges of hurling stones at police officers and chanting illegal slogans during a protest in the southeastern city of Batman. ..."  Note: Any country that has a city named Batman is no one you want to visit. I wonder what the legal slogans are about .... eight years .... sigh. The higher the population of minions, the more violent and strict the rules are, seemingly.

White supremacist gets naked on family's roof, performs sex act [01/29/10] "Drivers on a nearby freeway called police to report that a naked tattooed man was performing a sexual act "to or at" motorists. (Orange County Register) ..."   

Restaurant owner tosses plate at customer for griping about food [01/28/10] "Police were called to the El Rancho Alegre Café, or "The Happy Ranch Cafe," after a customer complained he was served a beef milanesa plate, instead of chicken. The owner told him to pay anyway, and a food/tea-tossing fight ensued. (KRGV.com) ..."   

Woman found guilty of planting rat in food at upscale restaurant [01/28/10] "She claimed there was a rat in her food, then demanded $500,000 from the restaurant owners and threatened to alert the media if it wasn't paid. Publicity from the case has cost the eatery tens of thousands of dollars in revenue, says the owner. (Appleton Post-Crescent) ..."  

Man, 61, slugs store manager during fight over crab cakes price [01/27/10] "The Kroger customer is accused of spitting in the manager's face, head-butting him and hitting him five or six times in the face, breaking his manager's glasses. The customer claims the manager hit him with a price gun during their spat over the price of crab cakes. (Sandusky Register) ..."   

Teacher who sent feces home with 5-year-old decides to retire [01/27/10] "Good move. She's currently on an unpaid leave of absence. (Yakima Herald) ..."  Note: "enough of this shit!"

Pharmacist avoids jail after posting sex ad in customer's name [01/27/10] "A woman became upset after the pharmacist wouldn't fill a prescription at a CVS store. He got back at her by posting a craigslist ad with the headline, "Kinky Brenda looking for a good time." (Stamford Advocate) ... 

Teen Selling Virginity On Online Trading Site To Pay For School [01/27/10] "In Northern Ireland, a sixteen year old girl attempted to sell her virginity to the highest bidder using the U.K.-based online classifieds website Gumtree. Her ad was listed under the heading "Virginity for sale," notes the Telegraph. The unnamed teen reportedly said she was offering her body "to the highest bidder" in order to pay for her education. ...The startling story was pursued by a reporter at The Sunday Life, who investigated the claims and found the girl was serious about the transaction. In order to stop her, the paper dispatched a journalist who posed as an interested bidder and placed a bid..... "  

Minion "Justice" : Raped Teenager Receives 101 Lashes For Becoming Pregnant [01/27/10] "A 16-year-old Bangladeshi girl was who raped 8 months ago was given 101 lashes as punishment for having conceived during the assault, Bangladesh's Daily Star reports. Meanwhile, the paper notes, the alleged rapist received no punishment. The village elders who issued the fatwa against the girl also fined the girl's father and warned him that his family would be forced into isolation if they didn't pay. According to the Telegraph, the girl was so ashamed that she did not lodge a complaint about her attack. Human rights activists say that she married quickly after the attack, but was divorced not long after when it was revealed she was pregnant. She told the Daily Star that the rapist had "spoiled" her life. "I want justice," she said.  ..."  

Pope John Paul II Used Belt To Whip Himself, Book Claims [01/27/10] "Pope John Paul II whipped himself with a belt, even on vacation, and slept on the floor as acts of penitence and to bring him closer to Christian perfection, according to a new book by the Polish prelate spearheading his sainthood case. ..."  Note: Masturbation is insufficient for this delusional creature, apparently.

14-year-Old Admits Killing Parents To Avoid Chores [01/26/10] "... According to the recently released arrest affidavit, Caudle admitted he killed his mother because he did not want to take out the trash. He then waited in a closet for his stepfather to come home and shot him several times. Caudle is being charged as an adult. ..."   

Doctors In Peru Amputate Wrong Foot Of Patient [01/26/10] "Doctors in Peru mistakenly amputated the wrong foot of an 86-year-old man, then had no choice but to cut off the other one as well to keep an infection from spreading, relatives and officials said Monday. ..."  

Clumsy Oaf: New York woman falls, rips Picasso painting [01/26/10] "The museum, located on the eastern edge of New York's Central Park, did not elaborate on why the woman fell. ..."   

Man jailed after urinating on meat counter at Wal-Mart [01/26/10] "The 21-year-old man destroyed more than $600 in meat. (KTLA.com) ..."  

Italian teenager slashes dad's throat in Playstation row [01/26/10] "A 16-year-old Italian boy in Turin has cut his father's throat after a dispute over the FIFA Soccer 2009 Playstation video game, national media said on Monday. ..."   

School board member's pep talk turns into X-rated sex chat [01/26/10] "The woman's talk to middle-school students included how to perform oral and anal sex, say school officials. "There was no motivational speech at all," admits the superintendent. (Galveston Daily News) ..."  Note: Only in Texas. 

New York State Dairy Farmer Kills 51 Cows Then Commits Suicide [01/24/10] "State police in New York say an upstate dairy farmer shot and killed 51 of his milk cows in his barn before turning the rifle on himself. State police found the body of 59-year-old Dean Pierson in his Copake barn on Thursday. A visitor found a note Pierson had left on the barn door that said not to come in and to call police. State police would only say that Pierson was having personal issues. The Columbia County hamlet of Copake is about 115 miles north of New York City. Local farmers buried the cows outside the barn Friday. They would not discuss Pierson or what had happened, but one of the men said these are hard times to be a farmer. ..."  Note: Leaving 51 dead cattle for someone else to clean up was a little thoughtless. He should have just let them out to pasture, stuck the milking machine probe down his throat, and left it at that.

Police: Man poses as cop, interferes in sex sting  [01/23/10] "A 51-year-old Detroit man was arrested for impersonating an officer after police said he interfered with a prostitution sting. Wayne County Sheriff Benny Napoleon said in a release Wednesday that the man pulled alongside an undercover female officer on Detroit's east side, flashed a badge and yelled "get off the street." Another man who believed he was speaking with a prostitute drove away. Napoleon said the suspect continued to follow his deputy, but sped off when she told him she was an officer. He was stopped and arrested by other deputies who found a loaded .40-caliber handgun, a Detroit police badge, hats and other clothing with police logos in his pickup. ..."  Note: Some people just don't listen to that inner voice. Ha! 

Bag with Kermit the Frog causes school closure  [01/23/10] "Boulder authorities locked down a Lafayette charter school while they examined a duffel bag left at the campus parking lot that ended up containing a Kermit the Frog doll. Boulder County's bomb squad responded to the Peak to Peak Charter School after an employee there... ..."  Note: These people are so damn stupid, trying to justify their job, because there's not too many 'bombers' out there. There just aren't. Really. 

Alleged car thief found playing 'Grand Theft Auto'  [01/23/10] "Sheriff's deputies in central Florida found a suspected car thief playing the "Grand Theft Auto" video game, and they later charged him with just that...."  Note:  Consistency is not always a virtue ... except for the simplistic.

Alexander the Great's ring stolen from "theft" show [01/23/10] "Organizers of the "Antiquities Theft in Israel" exhibition could not have chosen a more fitting name for their display. ... Burglars on Wednesday broke into the Ashdod Museum where hundreds of artifacts recovered from the black-market were on show and snatched several valuable items, including a silver ring belonging to Alexander the Great and gold earrings. The Israel Antiquities Authority said the popular exhibition had been running for four years."   

UK Brothers, Aged 11 And 12, Sentenced For Torture [01/23/10] "A pair of British children who lured two other youngsters to a secluded area and subjected them to a horrifying catalog of near-fatal abuse were sentenced to at least five years in custody Friday. ..."  Note: Yeah ... the British social dynamic can really screw with people's heads. Related:  Nine-Year-Old Hockey Players Battle In Epic Fight  Note: All sequential kids, too, I betcha.

Judge Cuts $2 Million Penalty Against Single Mom For Illegally Downloaded Songs [01/23/10] "Calls Jury's Decision 'Monstrous And Shocking' ..."  Note: Yeah, the jury was as nuts as the corporations are.

Kremlin guards stop deluded would-be suitor [01/23/10] "An unemployed construction worker alarmed Kremlin guards when he tried to barge past them for what he said was a meeting with the Russian president to become his son-in-law, a popular daily reported on Thursday. ..."  

Stricter brothel rules? [01/23/10] "Amsterdam's deputy mayor proposed new measures Tuesday to help tackle forced prostitution, including restricting opening hours for brothels and raising the minimum age for prostitutes to 23 from 18. ..."  Note: They're just fucking kids. 

Mom forces son to kill pet hamster after getting bad grade [01/23/10] "The day after the 12-year-old boy was forced to kill his pet with a hammer, the child told his teacher. (Atlanta Journal-Constitution) ..."   

Man gets jail for throwing double-decker taco at Taco Bell manager [01/22/10] "The 31-year-taco-tosser claims there was spit in his food. He gets one day in jail and a $100 fine. (Fairbanks News-Miner) ..."  

Teen has been in jail for two months for pulling AIDS prank [01/22/10] "Joseph William Boone II, 17, poked several students with a safety pin in mid-November of 2009 and told them they now have AIDS. He's been in jail since November 17 because of that. (MaconNews.com) ..." 

Update: Man gets a year in jail for slapping a stranger's child at Wal-Mart [01/21/10] "The 61-year-old man who slapped a stranger's child at the store was blindsided by the media attention, says his lawyer. "He never in his wildest imagination believed it would mushroom into this." (That probably happened because a lot of people have wanted to react the same way when seeing screaming kids in stores.) (Atlanta Journal-Constitution) ..."   

Man fills bathtub with electrical appliances in suicide attempt [01/19/10] "Officers found Julious Jones sitting naked in an upstairs bath tub and holding five electrical appliances: a clock radio, two electric clippers, a curling iron and a clothes iron. His electrocution attempt failed. (Buffalo News) ..."  

Drunk man in cowboy outfit threatens to kill family's dog [01/19/10] "Derrick Thomas Alger, 24, admitted to police to carrying an unloaded .22 pistol, which he pulled from his "cowboy-style boot." This story reports: "Through the series of events, Alger apparently lost his black cowboy hat, but the hat was located on Rocky Shore Drive." (Iowa City Press-Citizen) ..."  

Wisconsin man, 42, cited for "rocking out" to John Denver [01/18/10] "His ticket for unnecessary loud noise will set him back $208.50 ... (Fond du Lac Reporter)"    

The Top 10 Worst Attempts At Cutting Down A Tree [01/17/10] VIDEOs   Note: Ha!  

Floor collapses at Swedish Weight Watchers clinic  [01/16/10] "The floor of a Weight Watchers clinic in Växjö in south central Sweden collapsed. ..."  Note:  "gravity hates us because our freedoms .."

Angry woman tampers with hubby's power tools, gets him shocked [01/15/10] "A woman angry that her husband left her is accused of tampering with his power tools so that when he tried to use his table saw, he received a powerful electrical shock and was "knocked to the ground." (The Olympian) ..."  

UK: Sleep-talking husband's hilarious lines become internet sensation [01/15/10] ".... 'Don't put the duck there. It's totally irresponsible.'...When Karen Slavick-Lennard was kept awake all night due to her husband’s bizarre sleep-talking, she was more amused than annoyed. Instead of investing in earplugs, Karen recorded Adam’s random, often expletive-filled, rants – and published them online."   

Man gets six months in prison for selling 51 bear gall bladders [01/15/10] "he bladders were worth at least $6,600. Traditional Asian medicines involve the use of many parts of the bear, with bile from the gall bladder being the most coveted part. (Asheville, NC Citizen-Times) ..."  

This guy needs to learn how to travel light (and without drugs) [01/15/10] "Troopers stopped Gary Mortensen, 26, and found in his 1991 Acura: a half-pound of marijuana, psilocybin mushrooms, hashish and drug paraphernalia, two rifles, a machete, a samurai sword and knives. (Oregonian.com) ..."  Note:  The comments are amusing.

Fired Texas Tech Coach Sues University [01/15/10] "Former Texas Tech University football coach Mike Leach sued the college on Friday, claiming it defamed him, and suspended and fired him without cause. Leach has denied the school's accusation that he abused an injured player by locking him in a shed because he suspected the student was faking a concussion. ..."     

Cop charged after she sends taunting messages to romantic rival [01/15/10] "In the messages, Jessica Elizabeth Phillips, 28, describes her sexual relationship with another police officer. "We've made love a million times," said one of the less-explicit voice messages Phillips left on the victim's phone. She also told her to "go get a fucking job, you stupid idiot, and you wouldn't need to depend on a man to support you." (St. Paul Pioneer Press) ..."  

Grandma jailed on traffic charge, left there for two weeks [01/14/10] "A 78-year-old grandmother ticketed for driving with a suspended driver's license spent 15 days in jail before authorities discovered her license wasn't suspended. "She's handcuffed like Houdini," said the judge. "She's got chains around her waist, and she's got handcuffs in front around her hands as if she was some kind of a violent criminal." (Miami Herald) ..."   

Neighbors oppose man's plan to start "Jewish sperm bank" [01/14/10] "A man wants to turn his house into a duplex and run a home-based operation that would involve music lessons, scheduling musical performances and a Jewish sperm bank, but neighbors "are very much opposed to all of this." (KnoxNews.com) ..."    

Company Seeks End to Bizarre Calls [01/13/10] "An energy company clams that after it rejected a man's bids to demolish two of its power plants, the man called in increasingly bizarre and threatening messages, demanding to be paid for the trouble of submitting the bids. RRI Energy claims James Mercer harassed its employees, told them he is "willing to die," and told a company vice president that his "95-year-old gypsy grandmother" had placed a curse on the company. ..."  

Bungling kidnappers drive wrong hostage for 1,200 miles [01/13/10] "A kidnap gang is under arrest in the United States after they abducted the owner of a pet shop and drove him 1,200 miles, not realising they had kidnapped the wrong man. ..."   

Family Says Slip and Fall Proved Fatal [01/13/10] "A slip and fall at a Wal-Mart led to a man's fatal drug overdose, his family claims in Madison County Court. The fall led to back pain, for which he was prescribed the drug that killed him, the family says. ..."  Note:  But Wal-Mart didn't prescribe the drug the man took, so it doesn't fly.

Publisher Claims Mayor Defamed Him [01/13/10] "The publisher of the "Westchester Guardian" weekly newspaper claims Yonkers Mayor Philip Amicone defamed him as a "convicted drug dealer" and "Albanian mobster," after the Guardian accused Amicone of providing "no-show jobs for political cronies." ..."   

Scotland: Lingerie thief gets probation [01/13/10] "A US man caught while wearing his female neighbour's underwear pleaded guilty to burglary. ..."   

Widow Files Tragic Rube Goldberg Complaint [01/13/10] "A widow claims her husband burned to death because a poorly installed television set in a motor coach fell from its mount, bonking another driver on the head. The man's wife tried to steer the vehicle but it struck the truck her husband was driving, which burst into flame, the widow says. ..." 

Man pulls gun on apartment neighbor for stomping snow from feet [01/13/10] "The 46-year-old man allegedly pointed a shotgun at the shoe-stomper and said, "You're going to get it, your day is going to come!" (Kingsport Times-News) ..."   

Boss of the Year [01/12/10] "A woman manager claims that relentless sexual harassment from the CEO of Constitution Lube culminated in his making her watch a You Tube video of a woman playing a kazoo with her vagina at a managers' meeting, then asking what she thought about it. She seeks punitive damages for battery, discrimination and emotional distress. ..."  

Welcome to Wal-Mart: Duck! [01/12/10] "A woman says she had to quit her job at Wal-Mart because after she asked to be paid for overtime, as required by law, her bosses "permitted and acquiesced" in having co-workers berate, insult, harass and throw merchandise at her. ..."   

Dutch (sequentials) prepare for " 2012 apocalypse" [01/12/10] "Thousands of people in the Netherlands are preparing themselves for the end of the world in 2012, collecting emergency life supplies.  ..."  Note:  Thousands of people ... the fringe of the sequential population, and this is news .... in 2010 ... Ha! Good they're getting an early start, because the end is coming sooner than they think!  

Shabby Work, Woman Tells Phoenix Cops [01/12/10] "A woman claims Phoenix police charged her with prostitution and threw her in jail after a detective wrongly identified her as a woman who advertised her services on an erotic Web site. She says she spent nearly 2 months locked up on the false charges, and had to wear an electronic monitor and follow a curfew for 3 more months until the state dropped its charges. ..."  

Wal-Mart greeter fired after defending himself against customer [01/12/10] ""I guess they just wanted me to stand there and get beaten," says the 69-year-old man who was punched by a customer. (WESH.com) ..."   

Court Revives Woman's Discrimination Claim [01/12/10] "A female business owner can sue for discrimination after a customer allegedly stopped buying her tires when she spurned his sexual advances, the New Jersey Appellate Division ruled ..."

Who'd think this ice cream and chips thief could talk so tough? [01/12/10] "When confronted by a convenience store employee about stealing some items, a 29-year-old woman became argumentative and said, "I'll have about seven of my people come and shoot you in the head." Then, they'd enjoy the stolen chips, I guess. (Cincinnati Enquirer) ..."   

Drunk driver turns parking lot into amusement park from hell [01/12/10] "A shit-faced Michael Saunders smashed into three cars after leaving Albert's Cafe about 2 a.m. Moments later, Saunders allegedly rammed his Dodge Caravan into a 21-year-old woman outside the bar. He fled the scene, but was later arrested. (Philly.com) ..."   

Richard Gere Gets 'Blessed' By Dalai Lama[01/11/10] "Richard Gere received blessings from the Dalai Lama at Mahabodhi temple in Bodh Gaya on Friday. An AP photographer was there and according to the AP's caption, it happened at Mahabodhi temple and "Bodh Gaya is the town where Prince Siddhartha Gautama attained enlightenment after intense meditation and became the Buddha." ..."  Note: Nope ... we're talking about a case of psychological projection by minions which surrounded Siddhartha Gautama during the period when he was alive and dispensing bits and pieces of wisdom which occurred to him, here and there, as he wandered around aimlessly. He did say a few interesting things ... for sure ... but the enlightenment part ... nah ... it's more peaceful than those damned christians (which are here and there themselves in a quarter of this galaxy, in the Orion Empire, if you can believe the robot clone in Alien Interview) ... what we're really talking about is the PLAGUE of EXTERNAL DEFERENCE, which is the real issue. I was going to title this piece "Richard Gere Gets 'Blessed' By Dalai Lama: Forgets Pants - Penis Swings in Holy Wind" , but I chickened out.

WATCH: The Stupidest Game Show Answers Of All Time [01/11/10] VIDEO [9:34]  ""Dumber than a 5th grader" doesn't even begin to describe how clueless this former American Idol contestant proves herself to be. Not only is Europe a country, but France isn't, and Hungary doesn't even exist!  ..."  Note: Sigh ... they shoot horses, don't they? 

Canada: Pet Tiger Kills Owner [01/11/10] "A 66-year-old man from southern Ontario, who spent years battling with neighbours to keep wild cats on his property, has been mauled to death by his 300-kilogram pet tiger. Norman Buwalda went into the tiger's cage on his property in Southwold, Ont. on Sunday afternoon to feed the animal, when police said the man was attacked and killed by the tiger. "We don't know what actually took place, because no one witnessed it, but the tiger ended up attacking him and killing him," said Ontario Provincial Police Const. Troy Carlson. A family member discovered the man's body and was able to lock the tiger in a separate portion of the cage, dividing Buwalda from the pacing tiger until an ambulance arrived. The brutal attack is not the first one to occur on Buwalda's property, which houses a number of exotic animals. ..."  Note: To live by the claw is to die by the claw .... ancient Canadian proverb... it must have been a terrifying experience to undergo for him, as brief as it must have been.

Man who said he was 'massaging' meat gets 10 years [01/10/10] "A South Carolina man has been sentenced to 10 years in prison for stealing an $80 slab of meat. The Times and Democrat of Orangeburg reported Thursday that 51-year-old Mark Zachary of Orangeburg received the maximum sentence after jurors found him guilty Wednesday of shoplifting. Prosecutors said the sentence was justified because the Aug. 26 theft from Reid's grocery store in Orangeburg was his ninth offense. Authorities said when a store manager approached Zachary about the missing New York strip and the big bulk under his shirt, he fled, right into the arms of an off-duty police officer. Assistant Solicitor Glenn Justis asked jurors "Where's the beef?" in his opening argument. Zachary testified he was "massaging" the meat, not stealing it. ..."   Note: Still .... ten years ... that's insane.

Police: Woman shocked after Christmas greeting [01/10/10] "A 29-year-old woman was arrested after allegedly using a stun gun on a woman who tried to hug her on Christmas night. Deborah Downing has been jailed $15,510 bond. She was charged with aggravated battery, petty theft and violation of pretrial release. It's unclear if she already has an attorney. According to a Pasco County Sheriff's Office report, Sheri Brennan was picking up a friend Dec. 25 when the incident occurred. Brennan's friend told investigators that she was shocked after trying to hug Downing and offer a holiday greeting. Brennan wasn't seriously injured. Brennan told authorities that she had a rocky past with Downing, but thought the two had resolved their differences. ..."  Note: Only a psychopath would stun someone who hugged them. That's an assault, by any measure.  

Mexican Drug Cartel Stitches Rival's Face Onto Soccer Ball [01/10/10] "The body of 36-year-old Hugo Hernandez was left on the streets of Los Mochis in seven pieces as a chilling threat to members of the Juarez drug cartel. A note read: "Happy New Year, because this will be your last." To drive home the point, the assailants skinned Hernandez's face and stitched it onto a soccer ball. The gruesome find, confirmed Friday by Sinaloa state prosecutors, represents a new level of brutality in Mexico's drug war, in which torture and beheadings are almost daily occurrences. ..."  

Woman passed out in bar's broom closet triggers burglar alarm [01/09/10] "The owner tells his staff: "I never thought I'd have to implement the policy, 'Bartenders: From now on, please check the broom closets for people before you lock up'. But as of today, that is now on the list." (Albany Times Union) ..."   

McDonald's restaurant rage sweeps the nation [01/09/10] "Whatever the reason, Kansas City police want to know the identity of a woman who trashed a McDonald’s restaurant Dec. 27 because she hated her hamburger. ..."  Note: Must be that ammonia-treated pink slime they call hamburger beef.

Priest accused of sex abuse apparently hoped to die in 20-foot fall [01/09/10] "While detectives were en route to interview him, the priest apparently went up into the choir loft and jumped 20 feet to the main floor below, landing on some pews. He survived, but suffered serious head injuries. (Chicago Sun-Times) ..."  Note: Sounds like he had a serious head problem before he jumped. Now, he's in a world of hurt. 

Amorous Couple Caused Chaos at Newark Airport [01/08/10] "Call it the airport embrace felt around the world. A man took advantage of a guard's absence to sneak past a Newark Liberty International Airport security checkpoint Sunday evening and walk arm-in-arm with a woman into a secure area, causing a terminal shutdown that delayed flights across the globe and called into question just how secure the nation's airports really are. The couple's actions emerged in a surveillance video released Thursday by the office of Sen. Frank Lautenberg, D-N.J., who had pushed the Transportation Security Administration to release the footage. In the video, the man stations himself near an exit lane, where departing passengers pass a security guard to leave the terminal. The security officer appears to walk over and tell the man to step outside a rope barrier. A minute or so later, after the guard leaves his podium for several seconds, the woman approaches the exit from inside the terminal and motions to the man, who ducks under the rope to join her. The two then walk into the passenger-only area with their arms wrapped around each other. During the time the guard was away from his post, dozens of passengers are seen walking out through the exit lane, further obscuring the man and woman. Someone waiting for an arriving passenger notified the guard. The officer has been placed on administrative leave while the TSA investigates the breach. ..."   

Thief in hospital gown flees Wal-Mart in motorized scooter [01/08/10] "The getaway vehicle is owned by Wal-Mart and is intended for the use of disabled customers, not robbers. (Uniontown, Penn. Herald-Standard) ..." 

Woman arrested after biting off boyfriend's lip with New Year's kiss [01/08/10] "Kerri Lyn Smith, 41, was kissing her boyfriend of four years when she bit the man's bottom lip and tore it off his face. Police aren't sure why she did it. The man didn't want to press charges, but police arrested Smith anyway. (Dallas Morning News) ..."

Minneapolis cop accused in series of armed robberies [01/08/10] ""This is probably the most shocking thing I've seen in my 30 years, as far as what a police officer could have done," says Minneapolis Police Chief Tim Dolan. "This tops it all." The accused cop (at left) is on the police department's SWAT team. (Minneapolis Star Tribune) ..."   

Brain Found Among Personal Effects [01/07/10] "A man claims that when a funeral home returned him a bag of his late wife's belongings, her brain was in the bag. The widower and his children, identified only by their initials in the complaint, seek punitive damages for corpse abuse, negligence, outrage, breach of contract and emotional distress. The family sued the Cantrup/De Vargas Corp. dba De Vargas Funeral Home, its employee Vincent Salazar, Inman Shipping Worldwide, and Serenicare Funeral Home. The wife died in an accident in Utah, and the funeral home made the arrangements for her body to be returned to New Mexico, according to the complaint in Bernalillo County Court. The husband claims that the day after he retrieved his late wife's belongings, he smelled a foul odor from the bag, which came from a smaller bag inside it, marked "brain." The brain had been extracted during a post-mortem examination and somehow ended up in the personal effects. The family is represented by Richard Valle with Carter & Valle. ..."  Note: I would like to think my brain is a personal effect.

Tavern vs. neighbors feud involves egg throwing, laser pointing [01/06/10] "The bar's co-owner was charged with misdemeanor assault for his behavior in trying to stop water spraying on his Christmas party. Condo residents have been hit with a restraining order to keep them from tossing produce, water or anything off their garage onto the bar patrons and the bocce ball court below. (Houston Chronicle) ..."   

Woman charged after hitting woman on the head with beer mug [01/06/10] "Not much of a story, but some of the comments are amusing. (Belleville News-Democrat) ..." 

Students in hot water over hoodie with World Trade Center towers [01/06/10] "About 15 Arab-American students were sent to the principal's office on Monday for wearing sweatshirts with the number 11 made to look like the World Trade Center Towers. The school's mascot, a thunderbird, is seen flying toward the number. Under the graphic, a tagline reads, "You can't bring us down." (ClickonDetroit.com) ..."  Note: Zionists had everything to do with this event ... they're still pushing the government's conspiracy theory.

Bus passenger doesn't realize man is cutting her hair [01/05/10] "She didn't discover that guy had snipped off chunks of her hair until she stepped off the bus. A 22-year-old man (at left) was arrested for the New Year's Eve incident. (Oregonian) ..."   

Man arrested over "Russian Roulette" game with ex-girlfriend [01/05/10] "Garrett Odel Brierly, 39, is in jail and faces numerous charges in connection with the alleged "game" including attempted first-degree murder, menacing, third-degree assault, and reckless endangerment. (Boulder Daily Camera) ..."     

Woman puts fist through drive-thru window over lack of nuggets [01/05/10] "Melodi Dushane, 24, became "upset that chicken nuggets weren't available" and "punched out the drive-through window," according to Toledo police. She had to be treated for a hand injury. A judge has ordered her to stay away from that McDonald's location. (Toledo Blade / WNWO-TV) ..."   

Lamb's head found inside microwave oven on display at IKEA [01/05/10] "An IKEA spokeswoman lays out the cold facts: "A coworker informed management of a small lamb's head found in the kitchen area of our showroom. We quickly removed the item and thoroughly cleaned the area...."   

Discovery of boyfriend's text messages leads to swordfight [01/05/10] "He was getting texts from other women. The sword, which had brownish red coloration on it, was taken into evidence, and Child Protective Services was contacted because the couple's two young children were in the residence at the time of the fight. (Beloit Daily News) ..."  

Police: Driver passes out, meth lab in back seat  [01/04/10] "Police say a driver passed out in his car at a Tennessee gas station while a batch of methamphetamine was cooking in the back seat. An employee at the gas station in Murfreesboro, about 30 miles southeast of Nashville, called police because the car was sitting at the pump for about an hour on New Year's Day. Police say a chemical process to make the drug was in progress. Some meth-making ingredients can be explosive. Murfreesboro Assistant Fire Chief Allen Swader told The Daily News Journal that gas pumps were shut off as a precaution. Thirty-one-year-old Nathan E. Beasley is being held on a $15,000 bond on charges of driving under the influence, driving on a suspended license, reckless endangerment and manufacturing meth. No attorney was listed in police records. ..."  Note: Talk about 'down and out' ... bottom of the barrel .. end of the tether....

Man opts for jail over New Year with relatives [01/04/10] "The 35-year old Sicilian first showed up at a police station on Thursday asking to be arrested because he preferred spending the night in prison rather than with his family, but was rebuffed because he had not committed a crime, the Agi news agency said. The man immediately went to a tobacco shop next door, where he threatened the owner with a box cutter as he grabbed a few sweets and a packet of gum. He then waited until police arrived to arrest him for robbery, the news agency said. ..."   

Errant Chinese smoker stops world's fastest train [01/04/10] "A cigarette triggered an alarm that forced a two-and-a-half hour stoppage, nearly as long as the train takes to cover the 1,100 kilometer (684 mile) distance between Guangzhou, capital of Guangdong province, and the central city of Wuhan. Managers of the bullet train, which debuted on Saturday, were unable to catch the smoker who fled the scene before the alarm sounded, the official Xinhua news agency reported on Wednesday. "Smoking is strictly forbidden on the Wuhan-Guangzhou high-speed train, even in the toilet," a spokesman with the Guangzhou Railway Group Corporation was quoted as saying. "It could trigger the alarm and even cause equipment failures." The train was in the Guangzhou rail station when it was delayed and had not yet begun its 350-km-per-hour journey, Xinhua added. ..."    

Tennis Club Employee Kills Dog, Streaks, Pours Coffee On Head  [01/01/10] "A man savagely killed a dog, ran naked through a tennis club and poured hot coffee on his head before he was finally arrested early Wednesday, Orange County sheriff's deputies said. Bayron Reyes Lopez, 26, of San Clemente, was hospitalized after being captured at the tennis club where he worked as a maintenance man, sheriff's spokesman Jim Amormino said. Deputies got the first call about the man at 4:30 a.m. Wednesday when there were reports of a loud radio at his apartment. Amormino said deputies believe he jumped from a third-story window to get away, and was unhurt. Just after 6 a.m. Judy Donnelley called to say a "strange" man had approached her, and when her 5-year-old mini schnauzer named Coco intervened, the man killed the dog, hitting, choking and "repeatedly beating her on asphalt in front of me." "She saved my life," Donnelley told KCAL-TV. "I don't know how to thank her." She put flowers on the street where her dog died. Minutes later, other callers reported a naked man running through the Rancho San Clemente Tennis Club and pouring hot coffee on his head. That's where deputies caught up with him, Amormino said. ..."   

Man regrets shooting mountain lion that was eating his llama [01/01/10] ""He was gorgeous," but the lion was devouring Grayson the llama. Meanwhile, a second llama, Frito, is missing. Its owner notes: "It doesn’t answer to anything." So don't bother calling out its name.  ..."   

Cop: We prefer you not take your live grenade to the police station [01/01/10] "Michael Navarro, 49, told police he brought three grenades -- one of them live -- to the station to dispose of them. (Kind of like when you take old batteries to Best Buy?) "We looked at him like, 'What?'" says a cop. "Bringing grenades to the (station) is pretty unusual." (San Antonio Express-News) ..."   

"Beer can burglar alarm" alerts apartment-dweller to intruder [01/01/10] "A cop says the apartment resident "placed a stepstool with empty beer cans in front of his door and was alerted when the beer cans and stepstool were knocked over by the individual entering the apartment. The door does have a lock but for some reason he was not locking it." (KFGO.com) ..." 

Maybe it's time this woman gives up on trying to be a mother [01/01/10] "A 30-year-old woman who was charged with abandoning her 10-year-old daughter on the side of the road earlier this month is facing new charges. This time she's charged with endangering her infant son in connection with a dangerous car ride. (Fredericksburg.com) ..."   

Woman sues bar after getting hit by stuffed moose head [01/01/10] "The woman was at the White Slab Palace in New York when a moose head "dislodged and struck plaintiff on the head," says the lawsuit. "The taxidermy moose head weighed approximately 150 pounds, with antlers spanning over three feet." (New York Post) ..."

UK: Hunt Is On for Bizarre Butt-Sniffing Shopper [12/27/09] VIDEO [1:36]  "We consider ourselves weird-news experts. We've been reporting the more bizarre worldly goings-on for years now, and few things surprise us. Then, a man sniffing the backside of a shelf stacker hits the headlines and we haven't got a clue what's going on anymore. Plymouth, England, police are searching for the bespectacled pervert, aged about 40, who smelled the co-op worker's bum at least 20 times on consecutive weekends. CCTV footage shows the 5-foot-9-inch oddball pretending to pick items off shelves before crouching behind the shelf stacker. With his face near his victim's derriere, he seems take a whiff -- and once gets so close his nose touches the man. Click through to watch the footage. Admit it, you're intrigued. ..."    

Vatican awards self 'unique copyright' on Pope: "No one gets Pontifical but us" [12/26/09] "The Vatican has awarded itself a "unique copyright" on the Pope's name, image, coat of arms, and any other symbol or logo related to the Holy Father. "The use of anything referring directly to the person or office of the Supreme Pontiff...and/or the use of the title 'Pontifical,' must receive previous and express authorization from the Holy See," reads a statement released by the Vatican on Saturday morning, the Catholic News Agency reports. The statement declares that the Vatican "alone has the right to ensure the respect due to the Successors of Peter." With its self-awarded "copyright," the Holy See intends to "protect the figure and personal identity of the Pope from the unauthorized use of his name and/or the papal coat of arms for ends and activities which have little or nothing to do with the Catholic Church." In recent years, the statement says, educational and cultural institutions, civic groups, and foundations have exhibited an increased desire to use the Pope's name without the express approval of the Vatican. The Vatican attributes this to a "great increase of affection and esteem for the person of the Holy Father." And now it wants to suppress such feelings. The statement suggests that the Vatican's new "copyright" is a way of dealing with organizations who use the Pope's name, image, and symbols to "attribute credibility and authority to initiatives." Apparently, the Vatican has mistaken copyright for a trademark. And it has no legal means of enforcing its declaration across the globe. But this is the Vatican. Presumably, it's assuming that you'll obey its "copyright" in an effort to avoid spending the rest of your life wallowing in guilt.  ..."  Note: Ha! 

Homemade airship goes askew and closes highway in Oklahoma [12/26/09] "79-year-old unlicensed pilot-inventor grilled by feds  ...A homemade airship went out of control above Oklahoma last week and came down on an interstate motorway, causing startled highway patrolmen to hurriedly close several lanes to traffic. According to reports, the 79-year-old pilot and inventor of the craft was uninjured - but is now in trouble with the feds for not possessing either a pilot's licence or an airworthiness certificate for his craft ...."  Note: It was an experimental aircraft ... air worthiness quickly becomes obvious, with no certificate needed!  Control freaks, jealous because they don't know how to have fun. 

British troops to get new all-terrain camouflage kit, because Afghanistan annoyingly not all the same color [12/26/09] " ..."  Note: How stupid does one have to be to put on 'camouflage' that makes you stick out like a sore thumb and get shot! How dumb are the logistics generals in the UK who mindlessly choose a color that didn't fit the terrrain? Dumber than a box of rocks!

Swedish bankers punt webcam smut to kiddies [12/26/09] " ...Very unfortunate' magazine link to hard-core strumpetry ..."  Note:  The 3rd density gets them every time! Ha!

UK: Loud sex woman coughs to ASBO breach: Guilty of 'unnatural' vocalisation [12/26/09] "The Tyne and Wear woman whose raucous lovemaking was described as "murder" and "unnatural" by neighbours has admitted breaching an ASBO ordering her to turn down the volume. Caroline Cartwright, 48, was hauled before magistrates back in April for five breaches of a noise abatement order which required her to cut the decibels while making merry with husband Steve. This evidently didn't work, so the court issued the ASBO insisting Cartwright desist "making excessive noise, knocking, shouting, screaming or vocalisation that can be heard in neighbouring properties or outside the house". She was, however, cuffed on 18, 22 and 26 April when long-suffering fellow residents of Washington alerted police that she'd failed to put a sock in it. Next door neighbour Rachel O'Connor explained: "The noise sounds like they are both in considerable pain. I cannot describe the noise. I have never ever heard anything like it." The matter finally ended in Newcastle Crown Court, where Cartwright appealed the ASBO on the grounds she is "unable to control her vocalisation during lovemaking, and any attempt at restricting her behaviour is a breach of her human rights". Recorder Jeremy Freedman disagreed, and said of the Cartwrights' sexual performance: "It was clearly of a very disturbing nature and it was also compounded by the duration - this was not a one-off, it went on for hours at a time. It is further compounded by the frequency of the episode, virtually every night." Cartwright finally threw in the towel and pleaded guilty to three breaches of the ASBO. She'll be sentenced on 18 January, the BBC notes. ..."   Related:  Loud sex a human right, says loud sex woman  "A Tyne and Wear woman whose raucous lovemaking earned her an ASBO and multiple cuffings will declare in court that the order is a violation of her human rights. Caroline Cartwright, 48, of Washington, was dragged before magistrates back in April for five breaches of a noise abatement order requiring her to turn down the volume …"

Man in Santa outfit robs bank, flees with a bag of cash [12/24/09] "It's the first time that a Santa suit has been used to pull off a robbery in Tennessee's Davidson County in recent years, says the sheriff's department. The robber placed the money into a Santa-style sack, and fled in a gray mid-size car that was parked in a church lot. (Tennessean.com) ..."   

Deputy resigns after prisoner escapes during stop at McDonald's  [12/24/09] "While the deputy was in the drive-thru lane, a prisoner arrested on auto burglary and theft charges used his own handcuff key to free himself. He took off through the parking lot. (TampaBay.com) ..."   

Woman calls 911 when husband refuses to eat dinner  [12/24/09] "Prosecutors will review the case of a woman authorities claim has called 911 30 times over six months for non-emergency reasons, including a call to complain that her husband refused to eat his dinner. Last Friday, the woman allegedly made a pair of calls to 911, including...
 ..."  

Reindeer dung ornaments, jewelry net Ill. zoo $20K  [12/24/09] "Necklaces and Christmas ornaments made from dime-sized pieces of reindeer droppings have earned a Bloomington, Ill., zoo nearly $21,000 this holiday season. The Miller Park Zoological Society made about $5,000 selling reindeer-dropping ornaments last year. It added... ..."   

Police say drunken teen yanked off Santa's beard  [12/24/09] "Police arrested a 19-year-old woman on charges that she yanked the beard from a man portraying Santa Claus outside Conseco Fieldhouse before an Indiana Pacers game. Indianapolis police said officers watching the crowd Monday night saw the woman take a photo of the Santa Claus,......"   

Boy takes $10,000 from grandparents' safe, gives some to friends [12/23/09] "Just spreading a little Christmas cheer, I guess. The fifth-grader was riding the bus when he handed out the money on Friday, the last school day before Christmas vacation began. Muncie Star-Press | Associated Press) ..."   Note:  Change you can believe in.

Man with 5-inch knife in chest orders coffee at restaurant [12/23/09] "The stabbing victim said he was waiting for an ambulance to arrive. “It was like out of a movie," says a restaurant employee. "It kind of freaked us all out here. The customers realized it and they were all turning their heads in disgust." (www.10news.com) Detroit  ..."  Note: Geeze. 

Man refuses to pay for taxi ride from Miami to Tennessee [12/23/09] "After a 1,600 mile ride, Lucilo Perez stiffed the driver of $3,000 in cab fare, plus expenses such as gas and meals, which the cabbie paid with his own credit card. (CBS4.com) ..."   

Ex-post office worker threatens to go postal against post office [12/23/09] "Herbert George Moore, who turns 64 on Wednesday, told post office employees that he planted a bomb and would blow up the place if his demand for money wasn't met. No device was found, but a loaded gun was discovered in his car. (Gaston Gazette) ..."    

Hubby catches wife cheating, forces man to have sex with her [12/23/09] "He used a knife, gun and crowbar against her wife's lover. The wife is charged, too, because she readily acquiesced, asked for a sex toy and never indicated any surprise or concern about her husband's behavior. (TwinCities.com) ..."    

Parents Say Church's Day Care Workers Drugged Children to Make Them Sleep [12/21/09] "A church-run day care center gave children an "unprescribed sleep aid" to zonk them out for nap time and concealed it from their parents, according to a class action in Hamilton County Court. Parents say Covenant Apostolic Church workers gave kids a drug that cause "dizziness, grogginess, headaches, abdominal discomfort, confusion, nightmares and sedation," and the "long term implications are not known at this time." ..."   

Cops Shoot Friendly Dog to Death [12/21/09] "San Diego police officers working undercover broke into the wrong family's back yard in an alleged drug raid and shot the family dog to death, the family says. The officers prevented the owner, who is black, from comforting the dying animal, then knocked the man to the ground, handcuffed him and tried to book him on bogus charges of failing to restrain his dog, and possession of a vicious animal, according to the federal complaint. ..."   

Man pays $72 for a taco, says 'Merry Christmas' [12/20/09] "So much for the value menu. A Taco Bell manager in Ohio says a man who appeared drunk walked into the restaurant earlier this week and handed him $72 for just one taco. The manager tells police near the northern Ohio town of Sandusky that the customer who seemed to be in his early 20s refused to take back the money and told workers "Merry Christmas." Manager Aaron Ohm says he thought for sure the man would return for his money, but he so far he hasn't shown up. Police are holding on to the money as evidence and say if it's not claimed in 60 days, the store manager will get a late Christmas gift. ..."  Note:  Evidence of what, exactly?

Attorney sued after biting off part of man's nose  [12/20/09] "A Memphis attorney bit off part of a man's nose during a fight in a restaurant bathroom. A lawsuit filed by Greg Herbers claims attorney Mark Lambert attacked him last June after Herbers asked two men in a bathroom stall to get out so that he could use it. The suit states that Lambert was at a urinal and had been carrying on a conversation with the men in the stall. Herbers claims Lambert pushed and grabbed him and bit off and swallowed part of his nose. Lambert told WMC-TV he did bite off part of Herbers' nose, but spit it out. He claims he acted in self defense after Herbers assaulted him. The police report said Herbers entire left nostril was missing. Herbers claims he suffered permanent disfigurement and will need plastic surgery and possibly a prosthetic nose. Herbers is asking for $5 million in damages. ..."  

Lawyer calls road-rage incident "a product of the economy" [12/20/09] "Brian Clark had just lost his job when he heard a driver honk at him. That did it! He attacked the guy with a hammer. Blame the economy, says Clark's lawyer. Cincinnati Enquirer) ..."   

Bored bank customer texts bogus report about robbery-in-progress [12/20/09] "The girlfriend called police after receiving the text about a man with a gun inside the bank. (There was no such guy.) The boyfriend was arrested. (NBCChicago.com) ..."  

Mall security confiscates T-shirts that business owners don't like [12/20/09] "The shirts say, "Welcome to Pleasant Grove." Below the words is a silkscreen image of a man tossing a body into the trunk of an old Buick. A pawnshop owner outraged by the shirt says "it was horrible. I would have bought them just to get rid of them. But I didn't want to give them money." (DallasNews.com) ..."  Note: Sequential business owners.

'Santa' stumbles out of vehicle, seeks reindeer  [12/18/09] "Santa Claus is in trouble with the law in one western Wisconsin city. Police in Sparta said they cited a man dressed as Santa after witnesses told officers he stumbled out of a vehicle, approached several children playing in a yard, hugged them and demanded to know the whereabouts of his reindeer. The man was cited for open intoxicants. The driver of the car in which he was riding was arrested for drunken driving. ..."  Note: Winkin', Blinkin' and Noddin'  

Shirtless man, woman in "handcuffs belt" rob bank [12/18/09] "Authorities in South Florida are searching for a man who held up a Fort Lauderdale bank shirtless then fled with a woman who sported a belt made of handcuffs. According to a news release from the Fort Lauderdale Police Department, the man demanded money from a teller at a Bank of America branch on Friday afternoon and implied he had a weapon. The teller gave the man an unspecified amount of cash, and he then fled on foot with the woman. The man was wearing blue jeans, while the woman wore a blue hat, black shirt and jeans. ..."  

'Dad dancing' may be the result of evolution, scientists claim [12/16/09] "The cringeworthy "dad dancing" witnessed at wedding receptions every weekend may be an unconscious way in which ageing males repel the attention of young women, leaving the field clear for men at their sexual peak. "The message their dancing sends out is 'stay away, I'm not fertile'," said Dr Peter Dad, a psychologist at the University of Hertfordshire who has compared the dancing styles and confidence levels of nearly 14,000 people. ..."  Note:  Hahaha! That's so stupid ...    

Second-grader suspended over stick figure of 'christ' on cross [12/16/09] "The boy's father says the school complained that his son had created a violent drawing. The image in question (at left) depicted a crucified 'jesus' with Xs covering his eyes to signify that he had died on the cross. (Taunton Daily Gazette) ..."   Note: Sequential control freaks abound!

Murder Mystery Train runs over man lying on railroad tracks [12/16/09] "Why he was on the tracks remains a mystery.  ..." 

Boy faces possible pre-kindergarten expulsion for having long hair [12/16/09] "The 4-year-old kid likes his hair just below his ears and along his collar in the back. That violates school rules. (DallasNews.com) ..."  Note:  Texas .... it's a state of being insane.

Fetus wrapped in Christmas gift box buried in yard [12/16/09] "The parents are accused of inducing an abortion, wrapping the fetus up as a Christmas present and burying it in the yard at the woman's residence. (TheMonitor.com) ..."    

The North Face makes good on threat to sue The South Butt [12/16/09] "The lawsuit says: "While defendants may try to legitimize their piracy under the banner of parody, their own conduct belies that claim." The suit notes that The South Butt founder once offered to sell his company to The North Face for $1 million. (St. Louis Post-Dispatch) ..." 

Drunk woman who called 911 on herself pleads not guilty [12/16/09] "Make up your mind, ma'am! Were you drunk or not? ..."   

Classroom deer dissection isn't for everyone (others like it, though) [12/14/09] "Seventh-grader Alex Shoemaker thought it was a valuable lesson. "It was exciting because I don’t really get to see the organs when I’m out deer hunting," he says. (Wisconsin State Journal) ..."  Note:  Ha! Cute.

Man chokes to death on large bag of marijuana during arrest [12/14/09] "Part of the incident was caught on video recordings. "It pretty much ended up with him taking his own life," says the sheriff. (Panama City News Herald) ..."  Note: Another casualty of the 'war on drugs' .... when does the 'war on corruption' start? Never.

"Please, students, knock off the sex and pay attention to class!" [12/12/09] "Two eighth-graders -- a boy and a girl -- will be charged with indecent exposure after allegedly engaging in oral sex in a classroom while a substitute teacher and other students were present. (Macon Telegraph) ..."  Note: Another story from Georgia. The government wants to know if it was a gift or barter. 

Woman, 53, accused of slapping boyfriend with piece of raw meat [12/11/09] "She became upset after he demanded a roll instead of the sliced bread she served him. The live-in boyfriend reported that Elsie Egan had struck him in the head with a 10- to 16-ounce steak and slapped him in the face with the uncooked meat. She also threw a bag of clothing at his bad leg. (Ocala.com) ..."  

Man cross-dresses as mother to withdraw money from her account [12/11/09] "Tita Nyambi, 25, is accused of dressing in his mother's clothes and flashing her driver’s license in an attempt to withdraw $700 from the woman's bank account. (Newark Star-Ledger  ..."   

Boy stabs ex-girlfriend 29 times after promising ring [12/11/09] "Lory Miebs, 17, was stabbed after her ex-boyfriend lured her to the woods behind their school with the promise of a silver ring. There, he told her to close her eyes and lift her head while he performed a magic trick. That's when the stabbing began. Anchorage Daily News) ..."   

Cigarettes kill, but don't tell smokers? [12/11/09] "Cigarette pack warnings that remind smokers of the fatal consequences of their habit may actually make them smoke more as a way to cope with the inevitability of death, according to researchers. ..."  Note: Interesting thought. 

Woman allegedly pours grits on sleeping boyfriend  [12/11/09] "La. (AP) - A 44-year-old woman was booked with second-degree battery after allegedly pouring a pot of boiling grits onto her sleeping boyfriend. St. Charles Parish sheriff's deputies said Carolyn Brown caused second-degree burns on the man's face and arms.  ..."    

Man allegedly assaults wife over snow shoveling  [12/11/09] " Iowa (AP) - Police arrested a man who allegedly assaulted his wife when she refused to help him shovel snow. ..."   

Sequential Legacies: Chinese couple sells son to buy cell phone [12/10/09] "A young Chinese couple sold their six-day-old son for 2,500 yuan ($368) to buy a mobile phone in the country's southwest, the Shanghai Daily paper reported. The paper said the couple, who live in the Chongqing Municipality, are both unemployed. The mother is 19 and the father 21. "I have no job and cannot support myself, let alone the baby," the paper quoted the father as saying. He added that he didn't want the baby back. The mother later said she would take the boy back and raise him, but police have said the couple is unable to give the child a good home. The child is currently in the hospital. ..."  Note: A minionesque tableau ...

Hunter accused of luring 707-pound bear with pastries [12/09/09] "Images Charles Olsen raised suspicions when a wildlife conservation officer saw a truck loaded with pastries -- bearclaws? -- about a week before the bear-hunting season. The officer traced the truck to Olsen and then told colleagues to check on any bear Olsen might bring to a check station. (WHTM.com ) ..."  

Amusing Endgame Metaphor: CBS cancels As the World Turns [12/09/09]  Note: Sequentials can stop the world, we will be getting off. 

Mom visits son's apartment, sees drug paraphernalia, calls cops [12/09/09] "n top of that, the son told his mother that his roommates were selling pot. Let's hope the snitch doesn't end up dead in a Minnesota snowbank. (Mankato Free Press) ..."  

Mom arrested for pointing gun at man who had sex with daughter [12/09/09] "The woman -- a deputy officer -- punched the 19-year-old guy three or four times and then pointed her gun at him, handcuffed him and ordered him to his knees. The 20-year-old daughter begged her not to shoot him. (South Florida Sun-Sentinel) ..."   

The 6 Weirdest, Scariest Processed Foods [12/08/09] "Once upon a time, some brave scientists had a noble dream of ridding food of nutrients. That dream is closer to reality than ever. ..." 

Authorities Bust Man Smuggling Cocaine-Stuffed Chicken At Dulles Airport [12/06/09] "Customs inspectors at Dulles International Airport say a man from Guatemala was detained after he tried to carry a cooked chicken stuffed with more than $4,000 worth of cocaine.Customs and Border Protection spokesman Steve Sapp says agents decided the fully cooked chicken that 32-year-old Wagner Mauricio Linares Aragon brought with him on a flight Saturday from El Salvador warranted closer inspection. Inside the chicken's cavity they say they found two small, clear bags that contained about 60 grams – about 2.3 ounces – of powder cocaine. Linares Aragon is being held awaiting trial on felony drug charges in Loudoun County. ..."  Note: It doesn't take much intelligence to bring drugs into an airport - a place where everything is routinely searched. 

Man arrested for trespassing on his own land [12/06/09] "Jeremy Engelking will appear in Douglas County court this afternoon to face a trespassing charge. But here’s the kicker: The Superior man allegedly trespassed on his own property. Engelking, 27, aimed to hunt deer Wednesday morning when he noticed a pipeline crew on his land. He hopped on his ATV and told workers they had no right to be on his property because he had received no compensation from Enbridge Energy Partners L.P. for an easement. Engelking said workers told him he was in an unsafe place and asked him to come to an equipment staging area, where he continued to argue his case. But just as he was turning to leave, Engelking said an officer from the Douglas County Sheriff’s Department arrived on the scene and approached with a Taser drawn. “He ordered me to 'get down on the ground now!' And he said that I was being arrested for trespassing,” Engelking said. When Engelking protested, pointing out that he was on his own property, he said Sgt. Robert Smith told him: “It doesn’t matter. You’re going to jail. You can tell it to a judge tomorrow.” Engelking offered no resistance, but Smith placed him in handcuffs then transported him to the Douglas County Jail. After posting a $200 bail bond, Engelking was released that afternoon. He also had to pay about another $100 to recover his impounded ATV ..... ..."  Note: He went out of his way to fuck with them ...now they're getting back at him. 

Mall evacuated after "elf" tells Santa that he has dynamite [12/04/09] "William Caldwell, 45 -- dressed in an elf outfit and in line to have his picture taken with Santa -- told Mr. Claus that he had dynamite in his bag. Santa notified security and police quickly arrested the 5 feet tall, 108 pound Caldwell. The mall was cleared. (Atlanta Journal-Constitution) ..."    

Man claiming to be a cop threatens to shoot guy for saying "hi" [12/04/09] "That's why it's best to keep your mouth shut and forget about being friendly. (For the record, the nut is not a real cop.) (Sun-Sentinel) ..."  

Mom sues after letter to soldier son is returned with "deceased" stamp [12/04/09] "He's actually alive. Joan Najbar says she's suffered severe emotional distress that's required her to seek medical treatment and caused her to suffer a loss of income. (Duluth News-Tribune) ..."    

Man jailed, roomie hospitalized after fight over messy mobile home [12/04/09] "It's a scene right out of the "Trailer Park Boys" TV show! | And in another "domestic dispute"... An 18-year-old man was arrested after pummeling his father over the old man's snoring. (TampaBay.com) ..."    

Cops subdue angry shopper denied a refund at GameStop [12/04/09] "The man, who was angry that he couldn’t return an Xbox without a receipt, threatened to kill someone. (Detroit Free Press) ..."   

Teacher faces suspension for sending anti-Obama e-mails at work [12/04/09] "An investigator wrote that the high school reading teacher "liked the Republican Party and stated that the e-mails were sent to her and she forwards them out to other teachers because she thought they were funny." Other teachers said they were unwelcome. (South Florida Sun-Sentinel) ..."   

Happy holidays! Wal-Mart greeter, 74, is punched in the face [12/04/09] "A 55-year-old man was arrested in what appears to be a "random" attack. Drinking was involved, according to list of charges filed against the scrooge. (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette) ..."  

Woman named "Jesus Christ" called for jury duty in criminal case [12/04/09] ""It raised eyebrows, so I asked her if that were truly her name," says the judge. "She assured me that it was. She had her name changed in the Probate Court, and she presented her driver's license." (Birmingham News) > Update: She was excused from duty for being disruptive ..."   

Man accused of putting lawn chemicals in wife's coffee and soda [12/04/09] "Peter Zubke's wife told cops that her husband had been trying to slip herbicides into her coffee and soda over a three- to four-week period. She became suspicious when she noticed her soda looked like dishwater soap and had a "sudsy" appearance, and her coffee looked "foggy." (Fond du Lac Reporter) ..."   

Man accused of assaulting sister with microwaved pecan pie [12/04/09] "The 50-year-old woman -- a teacher at Watt Hardison Elementary School -- allegedly vandalized Portland East Middle School in retaliation for comments made by a teacher at Portland East. She vandalized both a mini-refrigerator and a drawer in the teacher's desk using condoms, sardine juice and a lubricant. (Tennessean.com) ..."     

New Zealand Man Forced To Choose Between Saving Wife Or Child In River Accident [12/01/09] "As his wife floundered screaming for help in murky river water, a frantic New Zealand man was forced to abandon a bid to rescue his teenage son to save his partner from drowning, he said Monday. Stacy Horton saved his wife, Vanessa, 35, as their son Silva, 13, drowned in the Whanganui River on North Island after her car plunged into the river late Saturday. Horton said he arrived at the crash scene less than two minutes after the accident to hear his wife screaming in the darkness and to see his son's friend and the family dog scrambling up the bank. His son Silva was trapped inside the submerged station wagon. ..."  Note:  Interesting experience.

Self-proclaimed Christmas-hater steals Salvation Army kettle [12/01/09] "The man pushed the bell-ringer, and pulled the kettle away from her. He put the kettle and tripod in the back of a pickup truck after telling her, "I can't stand you and your bell-ringing. I hate Christmas." A 44-year-old man has been arrested. (Toledo Blade) ..."  Note: Bah Humbug!

Former Miss Argentina Dies From Cosmetic Buttocks Surgery [12/01/09] "A 38-year-old former Miss Argentina has died from complications after undergoing cosmetic surgery on her buttocks. Solange Magnano, a mother of twins who won the crown in 1994, died of a pulmonary embolism Sunday after three days in critical condition following a gluteoplasty in Buenos Aires. Close friend Roberto Piazza said the procedure involved injections and the liquid "went to her lungs and brain." "A woman who had everything lost her life to have a slightly firmer behind," he said. ..."  Related: Ass Implant Fail VIDEO [00:46] Note: I just never imagined.

Man arrested after stealing deodorant to pay off $40 drug debt [12/01/09] "He stuffed 19 packages of antiperspirant — $84 worth — inside his jacket and tried to head outside. Police got him and noticed that he had "Thug Life" tattooed on his chest. (Real thugs don't steal deodorant.) (TampaBay.com) ..."   

Man robbed of $2 million bank withdrawal [12/01/09] "A man in Taiwan was robbed of more than $2 million in cash that he had just withdrawn from the bank, a police official said on Tuesday. Three masked gunmen robbed the 50-year-old victim on Monday afternoon in the southern city of Tainan, logging the highest-value robbery in city history with a heist of T$77 million (2.39 million), said a police investigation official surnamed Chang. The gunmen approached the victim, surnamed Tsai, as he drove from the bank to his watch shop nearby, Taiwan's Central News Agency said. One shot a shop employee in the foot during a scuffle to fight off the gunmen, the agency said. Police are looking for the three men while advising people in the 769,000-population city to be more vigilant. "We're putting out a notice on public safety, telling citizens that we're ready stand beside them for protection as they use the bank," Chang said. ..."   

 Parking Brake Fail [11/25/09] VIDEO [00:46]  

Boy, 13, with Asperger's syndrome vanishes in New York subway for 11 days  [11/25/09] "Police found Francisco Hernandez Jr hiding out in a Coney Island station late last month having survived for almost two weeks on a diet of news stand confectionery and snacks. ..."   

Cop: Teen who broke into house was in search of snack food [11/25/09] "Ronald M. Savela Jr., was fingered as the suspect since he broke into the same house using the same window last year. Only this time, the break-in comes with a felony charge, since 17-year-olds are charged as adults in Wisconsin. Sheboygan Press) ..."    

Homeowner arrested after shooting and killing burglar [11/25/09] "The dead man had jewelry in his pockets that belonged to the shooting suspect's wife. The homeowner was arrested because "detectives do not have any information indicating the shooting suspect was acting in self defense," says a sheriff's spokeswoman. They apparently think the guy was just pissed. (Everett, Wash. Herald) ..."  

Worried pimp 'called off Rabbi Baruch Chalomish's three-day drug-fuelled orgy' [11/21/09] "A (previously) eminent rabbi was so exhausted after three days of constant cocaine-fuelled partying with escorts that his pimp grew worried and cancelled that day’s supply of girls, a jury was told. ..."  

316,000 Bongs, Disguised As Christmas Ornaments, Seized By Customs Agents In LA [11/20/09] "Customs officials say they got a surprise when they found 316,000 glass bongs disguised as Christmas ornaments at the Los Angeles harbor. U.S. Customs and Border Protection said Thursday that agents found the highly decorated drug pipes in 860 boxes shipped from China. The cargo, estimated to be worth more than $2.6 million, had been described as glass figures and Christmas ornaments. The bongs were seized Tuesday at the Los Angeles/Long Beach port complex. ..."  Note: Someone clearly thinks that blanket legalization is around the corner! Ha! 

Mail carrier found drunk, eating noodles while on the job [11/19/09] "Kristine A. Pflughaupt, 46, was found sitting on the kitchen floor of a house on her mail route, eating leftover noodles from the refrigerator. "She was in uniform and had mail and a mail-carrying bag with her," says a cop. (Gazette Online) ..."    

He looks like the kind of guy who'd throw darts at bar patrons [11/19/09] " The bartender refused to serve any more drinks to Scott D. Leonard because he was throwing darts at other patrons. "Mr. Leonard was angered with this and proceeded to pull down his pants and underwear and defecated onto the rear parking lot," the affidavit states. (TCPalm.com) ..." 

Flight delayed after passenger refuses to get off his cell phone [11/18/09] "A crew member asked several times, but the passenger refused to get off the phone. After several failed attempts to end the conversation, the captain turned the flight around and returned to the gate. The flight was delayed for over two hours. (Atlanta Journal-Constitution) ..." 

Man who stole bus and posted video of it shows no remorse [11/18/09] " Jacob Rehm insists he just borrowed the vehicle. "It just sort of developed," he says of the buscapade. "I didn't plan it, I didn't plan to make the YouTube video until I began thinking, 'Oh, there's a song that goes with this.'" (WCAX.com)..."   

Fuck [11/17/09] "Fuck" can be used as a noun, verb, adjective, adverb, pronoun, or interjection and can logically be used as virtually any word in a sentence (e.g. "Fuck the fucking fuckers"). It hence has various metaphorical meanings. The verb "to be fucked" can mean "to be cheated" (e.g. "I got fucked by a scam artist"). As a noun "a fuck" or "a fucker" may describe a contemptible person. "A fuck" may mean an act of copulation. The word can be used as an interjection, and its participle is sometimes used as a strong emphatic. The verb to fuck may be used transitively or intransitively, and it appears in compounds, including fuck off, fuck up, and fuck with. In less explicit usages (but still regarded as vulgar), fuck or fuck with can mean to mess around, or to deal with unfairly or harshly. In a phrase such as "don't give a fuck", the word is the equivalent of "damn", in the sense of something having little value. In "what the fuck", it serves merely as an intensive ....."  Note: The lexicon explained completely.

South Africans Furious After Reggae Singer Butchers Their National Anthem [11/17/09] "he footage is of reggae singer Ras Dumisani tunelessly singing "Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika," the South African national anthem, at the start of an international rugby game against France at Toulouse's Stade Municipal. South Africa went on to lose the game, but the anthem hurt more. ..."   

Bank employee goes to class reunion in Marine garb, faces charges [11/14/09] "What is it with these guys who've never been in the military, and yet insist on parading around in uniforms? (San Francisco Chronicle) ..."   

Woman pretends to have breast cancer so she can get implants [11/14/09] "She spent $10,000 raised for her at a charitable benefit on breast implants in an attempt to save her failing marriage. (Waco Tribune) ..."   

Love-struck deer loses head-butt with lawn ornament [11/14/09] "The seven-point buck was killed when it rammed a 640-pound concrete statue of an elk in the backyard of Mark and Carol Brye's home. Mark Brye "was still laughing about the suicidal buck he found near his elk statue last week," reports that newspaper. (Lacrosse Tribune) ..."  Note:  That deer sure knew how to rock!

Burger King Angers Hindus With Its Whopper Ad [11/09/09] "Burger King has angered Hindus around the world with an advertisement that puts a revered Indian goddess next to a big whopper, the Telegraph reports. The ad, which appeared in Spain, shows the goddess Lakshmi sitting above a beef burger. ..."  Note: Too bad. These people are dumber than a bag of hammers. Where's the beef?

Kemal Ozkan: Turkey's "Sultan Of Circumcision" Upholds Traditional Practices [11/09/09] " ..."  Note:  Yep, and just in time for Thanksgiving. I don't know what that means. It just came out. Must be the Turkey. Related:  Ouch Ouch Ouch Ouch - Part 1 [11/09/09] "... Before the procedure, the boy is distracted with music and a clown, all to help him forget the mind-shattering pain that will soon wash over his entire body....Kemal is well-known as the greatest circumciser in Turkey, partially thanks to his PR stunts, such as performing 2,000 procedures in one 24-hour penis-snipping marathon."  Note:  Ouch! I don't believe they have a clown! A new fear of clowns.

Men beat up guy after he sleepwalks into their apartment [11/09/09] "They returned home after a night of drinking and found the 21-year-old victim, who had been staying in a different apartment in the same complex, asleep on the couch. They beat him up. (Iowa City Press-Citizen) ..."  

Groom on his honeymoon jumps out hotel window and dies [11/09/09] "The bride was sleeping in the room when her husband opened a window, stepped onto the balcony and jumped at 6:45 a.m. There was no sign at the wedding that the guy was unhappy. (New York Post) ..."    

NZ lawmaker sculpted in cow manure  [11/09/09] "A sculpture of a New Zealand government minister crafted from cow manure sold for New Zealand dollars 3,080 ($2,220) on an auction Web site. The bust of New Zealand Environment Minister Nick Smith, sculpted as a protest by artist Sam Mahon, attracted 112 bids before ..."  Note: It looked like shit, and it was.

Christian bookstore clerk arrested after camera found in bathroom [11/04/09] "A female patron of the Family Christian Bookstore called police after she noticed what appeared to be a camera in the bathroom. Officers found a camera hidden in between boxes in the corner of the restroom. There was footage that showed the bookstore clerk (left) hiding the camera. (KTLA.com) ..."  Note: Another frustrated belief system adherent. 

Priest accidentally shows racy photos while giving fundraising pitch [11/04/09] "Rev. Edward P. Lyman was using his computer to project an informational DVD about the diocesan Annual Appeal when he accidentally showed "inappropriate personal photographs" of scantily clad males that were stored on his computer. "This event was greatly disturbing to those who were present," says another priest. (Scranton Times-Tribune | Short AP story)  Note: Another frustrated belief system adherent. 

Man dressed as a Breathalyzer for Halloween is arrested for DUI [11/04/09] "Police say James Miller was driving the wrong way out of the entrance to a one way street when he was pulled over. Cops found what was left of a case of Bud Light beer in the passenger front seat and in the trunk. (Fox19.com | NBC4i.com)"

Insane Asylum Haunted House Angers Mental Health Advocates [11/02/09] "Even as a kid I remember that being crazy and scary was just a part of what Halloween was all about. A mentally deranged person with a machete was always fun. But these days, mental health advocates at The National Alliance on Mental Illness issue alerts:  “It’s trick or treat time again. We don’t mind ghosts and goblins, but when ‘haunted house’ attractions become ‘insane asylums,’ featuring ‘mental patients’ as murderous ghouls, we protest” ..."  Note: Tough shit! What are you, crazy?

Scary Halloween Costumes for the Economically Depressed [11/02/09]  

Organize Your Emergency Evacuation in 5 Simple Steps  [11/02/09]  Note: Floods happen, if you're in a flood zone, and you like the 'excitement' of an escape into the night ...  

Civilian in joyride on fighter jet pulls ejection switch by mistake but still lands without a scratch [11/02/09] "A civilian passenger in an air force display plane got the shock of his life when he reached for something to steady himself during a mid-air manoeuvre - and accidentally activated the ejector seat. The man was instantly fired through the jet's perspex canopy and was blasted 100 metres into the sky by the rocket-powered emergency chair. Experts said the man was lucky to escape unharmed following the bizarre incident, which happened last week in South Africa. ..."  Note: Whoopee!

RI lawmakers adopt indoor prostitution ban  [11/01/09] "Rhode Island would close a loophole allowing prostitutes to ply their trade indoors under new legislation approved by state lawmakers. The bill approved Thursday would make prostitution a misdemeanor offense regardless of where it occurs. Prostitutes would face a maximum six-month prison sentence for a first offense, while their customers could face up to a year. Rhode Island is the only state, besides parts of Nevada, that now allows indoor prostitution. Trying to crack down on outdoor solicitations, the General Assembly passed a 1980 law that was silent on paid sex indoors. As a result, more than two dozen suspected brothels operate across the state. ..."  

Mechanic tries to drum up business by screwing up cars [10/31/09] "Christopher Walls, 41, is accused of disabling vehicles parked in lots at local restaurants and waiting for their owners to return. When a vehicle wouldn't start, he'd offer his services as a mechanic and repair the vehicle. His fee: as much as $200. (Johnson City, Tenn. Press)" 

Cop's face hideously disfigured by bulldog he rescued [10/31/09] "The 53-year-old victim "has not seen himself in a mirror, and we are pretty worried about that," says a retired police officer and longtime friend. "He was Mr. Hollywood, a good-looking guy who wouldn't talk to you without looking at his reflection in a window." (St. Paul Pioneer Press)" 

Teacher creates "secret society" to get girls to have sex with him [10/30/09] "Robert Louis Rosseau, 37, who taught Bible classes — among other subjects — to eighth-graders at Christian Academy of San Antonio, allegedly read Bible passages to girls “to legitimize his believed ability” to have sex with them. (Houston Chronicle).." 

Supermarket clerk awarded $200K after being denied bathroom break [10/28/09] "The Albertson's employee urinated on herself at the checkout counter after her supervisor refused to let her take a bathroom break. (San Francisco Chronicle)"